The PGA and the Belly-Putters of Doom
In a Q&A session on cbssports.com, Steve Elling and John Huggan both agreed that the resurgence of belly putters on the PGA Tour is bad for the sport. I have to agree. And, alongside these pundits, I, too, agree that the belly putter should be illegal. There are club length rules for all other clubs, because the length of the club determines its playability and measures the skill of the golfer. The belly and broom putters are for chodes... Read More
Ill Na-Na
McIlroy Takes Up Mantle of Chokers
Some people are calling Sunday’s finish to the Masters the most exciting in memory. They cite Tiger’s charge, Ogilvy’s charge, and the enormous log-jam race to the finish as evidence– the tournament seemed available to whomever could step up and take it. But, we mustn’t forget that without the efforts of one one man, Rory McIlroy, Sunday would have been very boring indeed. Now, I know the kid is young, and that he... Read More
ESPN’s THE FAB FIVE (2011)
Look who’s back in tha muthafuckin’ house! It’s T-Willi aka Scott Jazz coming atcha! Things have been a bit busy for me these days: being studley, you know, the usual game that you shouldn’t hate, but best appreciate. Watched ESPN’s THE FAB FIVE the other night and have a few thoughts to consider. First, the film goes to great pains to suggest that Michigan was very culturally groundbreaking: they wore longer shorts, black socks,... Read More
ALMOST too hard to watch
Masters/Pickwick Lake Wrap up
Ok, so I didn’t win the Masters fantasy golf challenge. That honor goes to Ground Possum. He finished at a middling -40, four strokes better than Seamus and nine better than me. We all kinda stunk this week, he stunk the least. He also “apparently” called Schwartzel to win but there is no documented proof of this. And Seamus swears he “found” Schwartzel back in the day when we played fantasy golf full time. I will take... Read More
Huh
Weird. Read More
Call your shot: Masters 2011 part deux
Okay, okay. I sure called the Sergio shot. Man that guy sucks. He will never win one. But, fuck it, I’m reloaded and ready to go! I’m ready to tank another player’s shot at winning. On 4/10 at 4:41 EST, I am calling K.J. CHOI TO WIN THE MASTERS. Suck it world. He is going to do it. In the last two years he hasn’t been worse than 4th in any round of the Masters. And he is in the bunch vying to win it on the last day. (But... Read More
The guy you love to hate makes me hate kale
Hey Everybody, Manny Used Roids
Now that Manny Ramirez has failed another drug test, he’s retiring from baseball rather than taking a long suspension and likely being worthless upon his return. Shockingly, baseball writers are trotting out the stories about how Manny is lazy and an idiot, a shame to his potential and, in a phrase I’m reading quite frequently, rendering his career a waste. Jeff Passan presents one such case: “And so we bid adieu to Manuel Aristides... Read More
Call Your Shot: Masters 2011
This is a new thing we’ll be doing at TDGP. This is like Nostrapossumus-lite or “call it how you see it, when you see it.” You make one quick judgement call on any upcoming or ongoing sports event. We will keep a +/- tally to see who makes the best calls. Here is a zany one to start it off: 4:01, SAT EST: SERGIO GARCIA WILL WIN THE MASTERS. Boom. And done. Read More
Old(er) Tiger is Welcome Here
I got in from golfing a pretty large number yesterday and flipped on the second round of the Masters. There was McIlroy at -10 with a few to play. Nowhere was Tiger or Mickelson on the leaderboard, so I figured they were out of it and that the developing story would be whether the young Brit could hold onto this tournament– unlike the leads he has held at the PGA and British Open in the last year or so. As I am sure most of you know, actually... Read More
Let’s Do A Poll, Friends
GP and I were chatting this evening about golf announce teams (we both love Peter Alliss and, like everyone else, hate Johnny Miller), and we did a little survey (ok, it was just two of us, but it’s still a survey) about our favorite announcers. So, TDGP readers, let’s open that thing up a little (to maybe ten people, I guess): who are your favorite announcers, both play-by-play and color? Any sport, any era, national, local, whatever:... Read More
Sports Illustrated Vault
The S.I. vault is pretty fun. It is really hard to navigate but there are tons of awesome/corny old pics in there, like: This was apparently taken 5 days after 9/11. Piazza looks really solemn and you can still see some smoke in the air. All serious and sad. The only thing I wonder is: Why is Piazza doing photoshoots about 9/11 5 days after 9/11? What does this really serve? Don’t get me wrong, I love Piazza. I dunno. And this: Just pure silliness.... Read More
Short Dude
Let’s give it up for this short dude. He is doing all us short dudes proud! Read More
Just for funsies
Know your Golfer: Masters 2011
So it’s that time again–fantasy golf majors style. As all of you know, ESPN used to play fantasy golf for the whole season. Because ESPN is lame, they only have competitions for the 4 majors–Masters, British, U.S., & PGA–now. Although I do play fantasy fishing (don’t remind me) & fantasy football, the real deal is fantasy golf. A byproduct of it is that you can learn A LOT about really cool doods that you would never know... Read More
Nostrapossumus on a Roll
The Heat did not win 60, the Celts are dominating the division, and Tony Parker has carried the Spurs to the top of the heap, despite a recent slide (due to injuries, not Parker’s play). The Possum is on a roll. Let’s quickly provide further evidence that his powers are on the wax, not the wane: 1) The Possum saw too far into the future when he predicted last year a big year from the Yankees’ Curtis Granderson. That happens... Read More
Now This Is Just Piling On
Women’s NCAA nothing like this year’s men’s bracket
Once again, the Women’s NCAA Tourney is coming down to all 1 and 2 seeds. Stanford (1) and Notre Dame (2) are in the Final Four, and the other two Elite Eight match-ups are of 1 vs 2. Perhaps that is why it took me 5 minutes to find the women’s basketball page online. Granted, often men’s high seeds also make the Final Four, but the kind of thing that happened this year in the men’s tourney can NEVER happen in the women’s... Read More
Shut Up, NCAA Pundits.
I am so tired of all the discussions about who should have gotten into the NCAA tourney and which conferences are or are not over-rated. Should the Big East have gotten 11 teams in? Who cares. It’s done. So what that 9 are out? Never mind the fact that 4 Big East teams knocked out other Big East teams or that the whole idea of tournament play is that any team, regardless of conference, can knock out any other. If all the Big East... Read More
I Dominate Your Bass (Yes I Am Going To Continue Using Bass/Ass Puns)
I have now soared to 75.6th percentile in fantasy fishing, a mark I don’t think I ever reached last season. I’m jacked. I’m pumped. I’m all fucking flexed out like 1970s Arnold. I’m close to 200 points ahead of Ground Possum, and so far past Doc Hollywood that the math necessary to calculate the distance has yet to be invented. The next tournament is April 7, in Alabama. I was recently driving through Alabama, and it... Read More
The genius of John Chaney
Big East & other news
1) Sir Charles was right, the BIG (L)EAST sucks. 11 teams and only 2 make the Sweet 16? The ACC had 4 teams and 3 of them made the 16. Whatever conference BYU and SDST are in went 2/2. 2) I got my BASS kicked this week by Seamus McGee in fantasy bass fishing. My multicultural team didn’t show up. They must have thought the Power-Pole Citrus Slam in Palatka, FL was secretly a Tea Party meeting. You know, the guys & gals who make Obama... Read More
B.A.S.S. fever
All y’all haters can suck it. Pucker up and kiss my B.A.S.S. For my first official week of fantasy fishing, not only did out fish Seamus McGee and Ground Possum, I also picked the overall winner, a dude I like to call Shaw Grigsby. Now, I don’t know if you watched the event or not, but Shaw was sure slingin’ out there. Left handed lure baits. South fly shimmy traps. The Checkin lure bob. All while hammering a 30 pack of Molson. That... Read More
AW SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET
posting this makes me feel marginally cooler. still rock bottom though. Well, here I am at rock bottom. My life is so utterly meaningless that I’ve started to play fantasy bass fishing. EXCUSE ME: fantasy B.A.S.S. fishing. I feel so Buddhist right now. I realize that I’m the nothingness inside a cocoon of finely wrapped thread. Actually, fuck that. I cannot even aspire to such imagery. I am that stupid plastic bag in American Beauty. So... Read More
Bassmaster Classic Report
Way to go, Kevin VanDam! You were on my fantasy team, and you obliterated the field while winning your record-tying fourth Bassmaster Classic. KVD set a new total weight record of 69 pounds, 11 ounces, more than 13 pounds over the previous record. I only finished 50 points ahead of Ground Possum, in 5993rd place, but that slim margin (the winner was more than 200 points ahead of me) ends up being more than 4000 places in the overall standings. Doc... Read More
I Am Watching Cricket
The Cricket World Cup, the third most popular sporting event in the world, is going on right now, and I have decided to watch it as I do my other work. I glanced through the rules, and there are aspects I don’t quite understand, but so far, so good with the Kenya/Pakistan game/match/whatever. I saw a guy hit a six, the cricket equivalent of a home run. It wasn’t as exciting as a home run. Read More
Blake Griffin’s branded dunk wuz awesome!
Water Possum: Let’s Drown Some Worms!
After much prompting from Seamus McGee over the last few weeks, I have decided to declare my life officially bereft of hope and join the fantasy fishing fray. But now that I am doing this, you know that the Possum is in it to win it, baby! Already, luck is on my side as my team name was inexplicably not already taken: “Fishin for Compliments.” Indeed, I felt, as I studied the bucket lists, that Seamus better be coming up with one of... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 1: Bassmaster Classic
Here we go: week 1 of season 2 of my life as a fantasy fishing enthusiast. As usual, the season starts with the biggest event, the Bassmaster Classic, which is being held this year in New Orleans at the Louisiana Delta. I’m going to be in New Orleans for the first time next month, so I feel like this might be a good year for me. Last year, the Classic was my second-best tournament–let’s hope it delivers again. The system is the same,... Read More
Funny
Gendered Language
Gary Parrish’s CBSSports.com column is linked under the title “Wolfpack fans must realize they’re the ugly sister.” It appears under the title “N.C. State fans must realize they are the ugly duckling.” Think someone told Parrish not to use a sexist analogy in his title?* *This story brought to you by the Possum’s Initiative for Gender Equality. Read More
Insult to Injury: Dan Gilbert
In a year when the Washington Wizards are setting the all-time worst road record in NBA history (they are 0-25 on the road!), it is pretty amazing that another team is out-crapping them: the Cleveland Cavaliers. The team started 7-9, but since then is 1-35 and has lost 25 straight. Wow. If the season had started 36 games ago, and if one rounded up (WAY up), that would give the Cavs a 3-79 full-season record! This is an epic streak, akin... Read More
HOLY SHIT
When ESPN sold the Bass Anglers Sportsman Society in August, I figured that B.A.S.S. fantasy fishing was doomed. A few months later, I went to ESPN’s fantasy site, and saw that fantasy fishing “has ended.” I poked around for other fantasy fishing sites, but the only one I could find was for a second-tier fishing circuit, and I’m not going to play fantasy sports on a minor league circuit. WELL STOP THE FUCKING PRESSES, ‘CAUSE... Read More
Sam Cassel’s Ghost
I Agree With This
I spend a fair amount of time here ragging on sportswriters and sportscasters–they fucking deserve it–but today is different. I was about to write something about how stupid the Pro Bowl is, but I read Joe Posnanski’s piece on it, and I have nothing to add. So, while we don’t do a lot of link-dumping around here, go read this. Also, just in general, Joe Posnanski is awesome. Read More
Jewish Jordan
Why Can’t Anyone Understand This Stupid Rule?
So I’m watching the Bears/Packers playoff game (go Packers), and Packers corner Sam Shields makes a nice pick at the end of the 1st half. Well done, Sam Shields. Because the ball appears to slip a little in his grip as he hits the ground, it goes to a booth review. Fair enough. At this point, Buck and Aikman consult some former NFL rules official (sorry I missed his name, but he apparently doesn’t understand NFL rules, so perhaps he would... Read More
Yes, perhaps
Buy the Numbers, 2011 Edition
The Washington Wizards (10-26) are 10-8 at home and 0-18 on the road. The only other team with a 10-game disparity is the Denver Nuggets, but that team is 20-16. The LPGA Tour, which has struggled to keep tournaments on the schedule and which really only provides a great living to the top-tier players, has announced that one of its tour events net season will be for no money. Players will play to donate “winnings” (mandatory) to an... Read More
Post-Fantasy Malaise
My fantasy team sucked this year. I admit it. I could cite a lot of excuses about injuries and under-performing, but let’s just say that my team really just blew a whole lot. I did win the toilet bowl, so there’s that. But yeah, my team was pretty awful. All that said, I feel a hole in my heart now that the fantasy season is over. There is something about the perceived ownership of other human beings’ talents. Not in... Read More
AP News keeping it brief
Wordsmith of the Week: Ben Golliver
I am taking time out this Christmas to recognize Ben Golliver for his contribution to the world of sports. And I actually mean it this time. This is not a tongue-in-cheek “Wordsmith” awarding today. No, I am just pleased at the column Golliver wrote for CBSSports.com regarding a fight between Wizards teammates. In that post, he includes some great barbs. 1. He begins the story with this: “Washington Wizards forward Andray... Read More
NFC West is Awesome
I absolutely love the fact that the team coming out of the NFC West will be no better than 8-8. In fact, it is almost guaranteed that a 7-9 team will win that division. The best part is that crazy-man Mike Singletary’s mid-season prediction (when 0-5) that his team would win the division will come true if they win out and Seattle loses (guaranteed) at Tampa Bay. (The Niners are, by the way, the only team in the division with a winning... Read More
Good Lord– Is This True?
From CBSSports.com’s newsfeed: Dec. 14, 2010 11:32 a.m. – Tom Brady has thrown 268 passes without an interception. His last interception came on the final play of regulation against the Ravens on Oct. 17, so he has now gone eight games without turning the ball over. Patriots RapidReports This team is starting to look pretty freaking good. Read More
Wordsmith of the Week: CBSSports Hyperlink Dude
Here is the headline for some hockey game that happened last night: “L.A. netminder Quick saves 51, shuts out Detroit.” “Netminder”? Really? That’s what we’re going with, hyperlink dude? Actually, looking at the story, this looks like a wire piece from AP; so, really, AP? “Netminder”? I know sometimes you can get creative to save column inches or whatnot, but last I looked, “goalie”... Read More
Is Big-time Golf on Death’s Door?
So I have not been paying all that much attention to the end of the year PGA “events,” but I know two things: Tiger Woods just blew a four-stroke lead going into a final round, and this guy has taken over the number one slot in the world: Yeah, this guy. This seems like really bad news for the PGA Tour. It has been spoiled the last 14 years, as Tiger has given casual fans a reason to watch the game. Now, with Tiger floundering, and... Read More
Dear Pat Bowlen:
Who has all the cocksure arrogance of Belichick without the rings? This dude. When you hired this turd, what did you expect? How did it feel to fire him after he went 5 and whatever (19? 20?). I bet you felt like shit. You basically severed my final thread of youthful Broncos fandom, you buttmunch. And for what? This disaster of a team. Orange Crush? Shit, I can’t rhyme anything with orange. Anyway, here is why McDaniels sucks: 1) Your two star... Read More
Cute-ish
This is not awesome
the most hated man in America Read More
LeBron + Jordan / mashup = fuck yeah
This is pretty hot
Nostrapossumus’ Musings on the Young NBA Season
Well, everyone is talking about the Heat and their 8-7 record and three-game losing streak. I don’t have a lot to say about that except ‘who cares.’ Well, that, and this is what happens when you have absolutely no size (Bosh is a small forward who happens to be tall) and one or two injuries turns your bench into a graduate school intramural team. Riley will be in place soon, though, so it will probably get better. Here's... Read More
BOOMSHAKALAKA
Uhhhhhhhhh
Still feeling the burn of all those Detroit Lion jokes?!?!?! Read More
I Love Joey Votto
You’ve heard by now that Joey Votto won the NL MVP with 31 of 32 first place votes. This is a good reason to like him. He also plays for baseball’s oldest team, the Reds, who have a great, inexpensive stadium with solid fans. This is also a good reason to like him. He’s Canadian, he seems like a nice guy, and doesn’t complain about his small salary. All likable traits. But the reason I love Joey Votto? “I didn’t think it... Read More
So good it hurts
Random Saturday Afternoon Musings
Why does the ESPN360 interface have a field for “research notes”? Read More
Are We Going to See it Again? C’mon Bills!!
Just three years ago, the Detroit Lions did what few thought could be done: they completed the perfect 0-16 season. This short time removed from that historic achievement, The Buffalo Bills are saying, “Why not us, too?” So far, they are a perfect 0-8, surviving scares from Baltimore and Kansas City In OT, and finding a way to blow close games versus Chicago and at New England. The dream almost ended in game 7, as Kansas City missed... Read More
Wordsmith of the Week: Cam Newton
Did Cam Newton and/or his family take money from Mississippi State and Auburn? Of course they did. There is little doubt. However, I do enjoy Cam’s attempt to confound constant questions about the allegations by hitting reporters with a slew of vague pronoun references and incomprehensible sentence structures. Check out this gem: “When reached for comment, Cecil Newton had little to tell Fox Sports. ‘I’m not going to confirm... Read More
Shaq = love
I love LeBron hate
Wordsmith of the Week: James Jones
I want to continue this week what I hope will become a regular column here on the Poster: The Wordsmith of the week. You may remember that I recently posted some vocal gold from Terrell Suggs regarding the distrubtion of cake and lack of advanced warning thereof. Well, today I received a heads up from Poster associate pas2iche about some even better verbal magic from James Jones, WR for the Green Bay Packers. Here is what he says: “James... Read More
Raaaaannnddddddyyyy, why can’t I quit u?
Jimmy P Needs to go to Vegas!
First the Lake show, now the Giants. What if- What you talkin about, Possum? Nevermind. Read More
LUUUUUUUUUUUKE
I recently finished reading David Halberstam’s excellent book, The Breaks of the Game, which focuses on the 1979-1980 Portland Trailblazers. Arguably the Trailblazers’ greatest player at the time–right after Bill Walton left the team–was Maurice Lucas, whom everyone referred to as “Luke.” Bummer to hear that Lucas died. The Blazers, I think, are a great team to like but we don’t have a good deal of “greats”... Read More
Elena, We Hardly Knew Ye…
Elena Dementieva announced her retirement today. It doesn’t seem as if she had been around all that long, but apparently, she is 29, which is pretty old for tennis, and she has been battling a lot of injuries. It’s a shame that she could never close out a major. I have long contended that the most recent wave of Russian women, for whatever reason, lack the mental fortitude to compete at the highest level. They all seem to be choke-artists... Read More
Pretty great
The World Series I cannot hate
This has to be the first World Series in a long time where I wouldn’t mind if either team won. NO PHILLIES, NO YANKEES. FUCK YES. But this series isn’t just about not hating hateable teams, it’s also about watching two really awesome teams duke it out for the championship. So, if they are both awesome and both deserve to win, then who to root for? That’s tough and, admittedly, I will probably go back and forth. But for the... Read More
Am I the only one excited about this?
Why does anyone care about this P.O.S. award? So, Troy Smith is finally getting his shot. With Alex Smith (shoulder) out 2-3 weeks, Troy Smith will finally get his chance to run an NFL team after literally becoming the bench in Baltimore and SF. For whatever reason, I am excited about this. I remember him being pretty good or something. Actually, I don’t really remember him that well and sometimes confuse Smith with Terrelle Pryor. It’s... Read More
This One’s for Jimmy P
At least they’re not the Lakers. Read More
Oh, what a day
Uh, they can do this.
The guy who made this may have a few issues Last week the GM of the 49ers said that they would win the NFC West after an 0-5 start. Well, they took step one when they beat the Raiders this week. Without knowing their schedule I thought, “Okay, maybe. The NFC West is incredibly weak.” But, shit, check out their remaining schedule: @ Carolina, Denver, St. Louis, Tampa Bay, @Arizona, @Green Bay, Seattle, @San Diego, @St. Louis, Arizona. Shit,... Read More
Welcome back, we didn’t miss you
Wordsmith of the Week: Terrell Suggs
On allegations that he was paid by an agent as a college player: “I wish I had seen some of it, I swear,” said Suggs. “I didn’t get nothing. From what I heard was going on, people were getting cars and checks and stuff, I was like, ‘Yo, my dumb ass is really under the rug.’ Nah, I don’t even know what’s been said. I didn’t get no cake. I wish I was getting some cake. ” Can a player please... Read More
For Realziez?
Throwz
This guy throws like shit but I really hope he beats Rubio (who is a raging psychopath) in the FL Gov. race. Although, seriously, this guy used to play QB at Wake Forest, he knows how to throw, right? Maybe this was set up to go viral . . . keep his name in the mind of the voters? Read More
Can We Just Give My Man the Cy Young, Please?
Did You Hear That? Favre Fantasy Owners Rejoice
Dome Sweet Dome Read More
Juiced?
Hangs with Canseco? 2006-2009: 59 hrs, 1638 ABs, 208 RBIs, slugging high .420, slugging low .4o4* 2010(so far): 50 Hrs, 532 ABs, 115 RBIs, slugging .622 * *Stats from this site. Read More
I dunno, I kinda like it
Ugliest Dominant Game Ever?
I watched the Steelers-Titans game yesterday, as it was the featured NFL game in my market and as I had some fantasy rooting interests in said game. If anyone saw the game, you can probably guess that the fantasy part didn’t work out for me (I did not have the Steelers defense). What I mean, for those who did not see the game or highlights, is that the game was perhaps the worst offensive display of the modern NFL era. And the best part... Read More
From the Dept. of ‘Hey, That’s Just Great’ : Storm Take WNBA Title
Last night, the Seattle Storm, led by Sue Bird and Lauren Jackson, completed a three-game sweep of the Atlanta Dream, giving the west coast city its second title in 7 years. In what must have been a nightmare of a game for the Dream, Seattle stormed ahead early and was never really challenged in the game. (That sentence was just screaming to be written). Sue Bird is ecstatic after solidifying her place in the annals of sports history. Among the... Read More
He Hate Me but does he hate my acting?
Bob Sanders is Made of Wet Newspaper
If this report is true, Bob Sanders has played his last game of the season… already… again. What is this guy’s deal? It’s as if he simply suits up in the first game of each season so that he doesn’t start on the PUP list and forfeit some of his salary. You know who has two thumbs and could play as much a season as Bob Sanders? This guy. (No, not me. I meant to include a colon after “This guy.”) ... Read More
The McNabb Cruse is upon us!
"Aw, that Kevin Kolb performance was fucking hilarious, wasn't it?" Sports teams/fans love their curses: The Curse of the Bambino, The Curse of the Billy Goat, The Madden Curse . . . The Curse of Keith Hernandez (yes). There are a ton more. Well, I’d like to add one to the list: The McNabb Curse. Why you ask? Well, McNabb is the first QB with 10+ years experience with 1 team to ever be traded to a division opponent. This fact... Read More
Freak(y)in’ Awesome
A Coup for Puma and Tweens Everywhere
Here’s the new face of US Ryder Cup golf. Thanks, Corey Pavin. I have to admit, that Racquel Fowler is not that unattractive-- a little mannish, though. Read More
Jeff Garcia in the UFL
So Jeff Garcia is now playing for the Omaha Nighthawks of the UFL. I’ve always really liked Garcia and considered him to be one of the great underrated quarterbacks of the last 10 years or so. Seriously, Dangerfield gets more respect than this guy. ESPN published a nice little article on Garcia’s current UFL venture and how he is attempting to get “one last shot” in the NFL. Interspersed are some interesting biographical... Read More
Boise State: National Champion
I really couldn’t give a fuck-all about college football. It’s like the NFL but with a whole bunch of shitty players. And it’s watched by either a whole bunch of drunks who never went to college, a whole bunch of bloated alumni trying to hang on to past “glories,” or people who think these kids play for passion of the game (and not the matrix of pussy-power-party college dynamics). All-in-all watching college football... Read More
30 for 30: LITTLE BIG MEN
Yeah, homies. T-Willikins is back with some stuff to say about ESPN’s most recent 30 FOR 30 documentary, LITTLE BIG MEN. From the start, I think most will agree that this is not one of the series’ best segments. It’s structured with a very predictable combination of talking heads, archive footage, and voiceover narration. I don’t know about you folks out there, but I sure wish more mainstream documentaries would try something different... Read More
Chris Johnson’s Photo
AP just released Titans RB Chris Johnson’s most recent Olan Mills photo: He looks ready for the season to me. Read More
Getting Closer, EA…
EA on track for return? It’s good to see our patron saint, Erin Andrews, back in some kind of sports context. However, she is still haunted by her Dancing with the Stars history. Bring it back to the sidelines, EA. Enough with the entertainment stuff. Read More
This is pretty awesome.
Seriously. Read More
PLAYMAKERS
In 2003 ESPN decided it was going to delve into drama. If it were possible for unintentional humor to be intentional I would say that the channel produced something really funny and smutty—two qualities I wholeheartedly enjoy in a media text, and, let’s face it, in life. PLAYMAKERS is a series about a professional football team—The Cougars—who hail from an unnamed city in America. And the focus of the show can be summed up in one word:... Read More
Strasburg schadenfreude
certified Yo guess what? Strasburg has to get Tommy John surgery! While it in no way, esp. w/ today’s technologies, means his career is over, I would like to remind everyone of my previous post. I’m just sayin’. Read More
Fantasy /ˈfæntəsi, -zi/ [fan-tuh-see, -zee]
noun, plural -sies, verb, -sied, -sy·ing. -noun 1. imagination, esp. of wondrous things. 2. a kind of writing that often features supernatural or magical creatures or happenings. 3. a hallucination. 4. a kind of music. 5. a form of football gaming that takes over one’s life, rendering him useless in other pursuits for 5 + months; often accompanied by a preceding 3 month planning period wherein one experiences massive amounts of anxiety... Read More
Well This Is Different
Jay the Rat
I suck Sad for the girlfriend that he possibly domestically assaulted. Sad that she was dating him. Happy to go all schadenfreude on Mariotti. Read More
Aesthetics, Sport, Promotion, Technology, Spectacle
The Beauty of the Power Game Read More
Super fuckin’ creepy
Krstic is fooocked.
NBA is NFL-lite when it comes to image overmanagement. Expect serious fine/suspension even though it didn’t happen in the NBA: Also, I think this guy is trying to be funny: Read More
Is it possible that Gary Busey is overdoing “Gary Busey”?
Tyreke Evans, LOL
Yes, ‘Hard Knocks’ is awesome
via the Harvenator: Read More
Fuckin’ Dungy all up in everyone’s motherfuckin’ business AGAIN
clearly satanic stuff Although I live in Indiana, I am not a Colts fan. However, I do like them a lot more now than I used to. My Peyton jokes have gone from meany-pants to affable (although that guy is still mad risible with that frittata disposition). I kind of like local Jeff Saturday commercials now. I actively want Bob Sanders to stay healthy through a full season. And I may even draft Pierre Garcon in my FF league (hint: Donald Brown is a FF... Read More
Gross, Just Gross
Shittily overacted viral, murky marketing: Read More
Another Woods Tragedy (But Not That Woods)
Damn– I know Bengals superfan Seamus McGee is feeling this one: first the most promising drafted back in Bengals memory goes down to a career-ender, and now, even worse, his son dies from an asthma attack? Sad day, indeed. The Poster sends its love toward Cinci. Read More
To Draft of not to Draft? That is the ?
Lookin' good, can he be my FF QB 4 years in a row? Read More
NFL Season predictions
Nostrapossumus’ evil foil, Nostrababymus, will now offer some predictions about the upcoming NFL season: -The Detroit Lions will end up 9-7 or 8-8. Don’t hate on Megatron, bounceback season. Stafford will be silly good this year. Burleson will help spread the field. Best and Smith will combine for positive yards. However, the defense still blows. I almost want to take back my prediction. -The Oakland Raiders will win the AFC West. I was... Read More
Billy Mitchell is My Hero
Doc Hollywood brought this story to my attention, and I thank him for it. For those readers who lack the time to click on the link, what the story says is that Billy Mitchell has reclaimed his world record on Donkey Kong and become the Donkey Kong, Jr. world champ. For those of you who do not know Billy Mitchell, you need to go out and rent, buy or Netflix The King Of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters. The film is a documentary about a battle to... Read More
+18
I know there's some weird one-year cycle on the rankings, but how exactly has no one caught this guy yet? And how has he done well in the majors? Read More
Monday Blues
In my office, trying to work, and realized I needed a double dose of this: Which, as the internet does, led me to this: Which, of course, led me to this: Which somehow led me to this. No shit, MMA fighter? Neat. Read More
Champion, Genius
The guy has what it takes to be a Hall of Famer. Read More
The Big Leprechaun
The Big Aristotle, Shaqtus, Shoulders is now the Big Leprechaun. It took him all of a day to remind me why I love him so much: “Jim rome, I am happy with my career and the legacy that I have left behind,obviously u r not happy wit yur legacy I 4got u have no legacy” Also, just for fun: “But I bet I can drive faster than tyrik evans, lol, I’m just playin” Now, if only this dood could find a team: Read More
Still pimpin’, still nastay
dreaming of that one fateful night under that table in Porcini's Read More
Shockwave
I am shocked, just flabbergasted. I am downright flummoxed. How can we live in a world where this happens? Not only does this get to the core of the very nature of truth, it also probably explains why Seamus McGee was so shitty at fantasy fishing. I’m just sayin’. . . Read More
This shit looks borderline fake (and awesome)
End of an era, LOL
Hey, PGA: are you laying down for ratings?
The PGA has definitely been feeling the pressure of trying to market itself in the wake of Tiger’s mediocrity. They got the Mickelson “win for fidelity” at the Masters, but since then, there have been few high points, at least ratings-wise. Graeme McDowell winning the US Open when Tiger, Mick and Els were all there was not great drama (especially since it only took McDowell a +3 to take the thing); and then, Louis Oosthuizen... Read More
THE BIRTH OF BIG AIR
That Air. So Big Last Wednesday, ESPN premiered its latest installment of the 30 FOR 30 series, THE BIRTH OF BIG AIR. The film is directed by Jeff Tremaine, the guy who directed JACKASS (which didn’t really seem like it was directed at all, which may just be his genius), and co-produced by Tremaine, Johnny Knoxville, and Spike Jonze. The film focuses in particular on BMXer Mat Hoffman, the Tony Hawk of freestyle BMX riders as I understand... Read More
Pud alert (some people never learn)
The Poster Open
Yesterday, three members of the Poster got out on the links to hit it around a bit. Though Ground Possum jumped out to a front nine lead, Doc Hollywood scorched the back nine with a 39 to take the overall title by 3 strokes. (It should be noted that Ground Possum predicted his own loss, so that his Nostr-acumen remains untarnished.) Despite his 39, Hollywood left a few strokes on the course, as he had two putts for eagle and netted only two... Read More
Yup, Phillies Fans
The great sport of Game Show host vomiting
Sometimes you just gotta use those hands
Ready to Rock n’ Roll
Back from Asia, ready to post more stupid shit. I start with: Read More
College Football Mystification
I like how this business with embattled former Oregon QB Jeremiah Masoli is somehow legal–finding a way to enroll him in one of three grad programs Oregon does not offer to make him eligible to play at another school (in this case, Ole Miss). But somehow texting recruits more than X number of times is a no-no. I’m kind of eager to see what department/program he’ll wash up in. Read More
Redickulous Poetry
I’ll admit it, we here at TDGP are literary types. Ground Possum read Hawthorne’s complete works while serving a prison sentence, and me, well, let’s just say I’ve danced with the devil in the pale moonlight. (Ok, that wasn’t a literary reference. It was from Batman. But I’ll bet you a Calupa–a steak chalupa–that it derives from some great literary text). Anyhow, I thought I would post some work... Read More
Ay Caramba
So Minnesota GM Prez David Kahn was fined 50K for talking about how he doesn’t think recently acquired forward Michael Beasley is going to smoke weed anymore. How is this a bad thing? He didn’t accuse him of anything. In fact, he complemented him in a way and indicated that Beasley was turning over a new leaf. Sports leagues are so anal, man. In other news, and I love this, former Cowboys and U coach Jimmy Johnson is going to appear... Read More
Ding Dong, Da Boss is Dead
Well, unskinnybop. George “Da Boss” Steinbrenner just died. This is not a very big deal to me. Like most non-Yankees fans, I never had much of a sense of humor for Steinbrenner. The way he threw around money and shifted the economic climate of the MLB—and pro sports in general, I would say—hasn’t necessarily been a positive thing. Should we like someone who would pose for this photo? Nah. I also thought he was a ruthless toolbag. ... Read More
All-Star Stupidness
It’s All-Star Tuesday once again, and that means, like last year and the previous, it is time to talk about stupid stuff regarding this game. Will it be different from last year’s rants? Prolly not. But hey, it’s something to do, so whatever. First, the winner getting home-field in the WS undermines the entire season’s goal– to get the best record. If you are going to sell the retardedly long season as necessary,... Read More
This Game Is Already Weird
So I’m watching the MLB All-Star Game, and while they had a brief tribute beforehand where Jeter said he and the Boss were best friends or something, nobody really seems to care that (SPOILER) George Steinbrenner died. The Anaheim fans still booed Girardi and the Yankee players, and the Yankees, for their part, were all smiles. I think A-Rod and Miguel Cabrera exchanged fart jokes. In any case, I know it sounds bad, but there’s already... Read More
Miami = Scrub City
So, when the heat dumps Michael Beasley’s 5 mil contract, they will have enough money for one good role player, and then the rest of the team is gonna have to be rookies and minimum contract dudes to even fill a bench. Sure, the Heat will have three monsters on the floor to start, but the bench seems like it is gonna blow so hard. They better have some big leads when the big guys take a breather, or they better attract some veterans who... Read More
Amateur Hour
Apparently, LeBron is planning an hour “special” on ESPN to announce his free agency plans. This is Busch League, Bron. It’s what high schoolers do who announce where they will play college ball. I’d say that you are better than this, but apparently, you are not. Remember when Jordan broke the biggest news possibly ever to hit the NBA– when he returned from the baseball experiment? Two words, no presser: “I’m... Read More
Leaf Russell Alone
So Jamarcus Russell was arrested for possession of Codeine syrup. Is this even illegal? I’m willing to bet that I generally have something on my person that is at least as dangerous as what he had. Mechanical pencils that can be used to stab fools in the temple. A laptop with which I can e-mail mean and nasty things. Cookies that have preservatives in them that might kill me someday. Codeine syrup. Ok, Russell might have been trying... Read More
This Is Weird
Jeff Passan has a good discussion of Charlie Manuel’s strong bid for the Dumbest Man In The World award, his selection of Omar Infante to the NL All-Star team. I don’t have much to add, but I want to emphasize how bizarre a pick this is. Infante’s OPS+ is 95 (100 is average), and his defense is unremarkable. As Passan points out, Manuel passed over Cincinnati first baseman Joey Votto, who LEADS THE FUCKING LEAGUE IN OPS and is second... Read More
When is cheating cheating?
So this whole Suárez handball thing in the Uruguay-Ghana match has raised yet another shitstorm about officiating and rules and whatnot at the World Cup. For my money, what he did was totally legit–it’s pretty much the same as committing a defensive pass interference penalty in the NFL when a guy is going to catch a sure touchdown otherwise. You don’t get ejected for it, but the opponents get the ball on the 1 yard line, a place... Read More
We Call, They Answer
Apparently, FIFA is reopening the file on instant replays because they read our last searing indictment. TDGP wins, yet again Read More
World Cup and Replays
Ok, for those of you who have been watching the World Cup thusfar–I hope there are lots–there has been an issue that has been a puss-filled sore on an otherwise amazing event. Several big plays and even goals have been called back and missed because of insufficient officiating. I say insufficient rather than poor here because I don’t really think that the officials are terrible or incompetent. They’re not. These guys... Read More
Respect Due: Kerr Destroys Field at LPGA
After having called out the Americans in the LPGA, commenting that “only 4 American women [are] in the top 20 of women’s golf rankings- headed by no 6 Christie Kerr, whose best days, arguably, are behind her,” I must eat a few of my words. Cristie Kerr put a massive wire-to-wire beat-down on the LPGA Championship field, winning by an astounding 12 strokes. My bad, CK. You brought it this week, and I am happy for you. What a win–... Read More
Buy the Numbers: Tired Isner Edition
Once again, let’s allow the numbers to speak for themselves– this time, let’s look at a comparison of the stats from the Isner-Mahut first-round match compared to the Isner-de Bakker second-round match. Here are the numbers from the Isner-Mahut match: Match time: 11 hrs., 5 mins. (longest all-time by over 4 hrs.) Games played: 183 (most all-time by over 70). Aces by Isner: 112 (most all-time by almost 50). Aces by Mahut: 103 (second-most... Read More
Sassy Molassey! 59-59?!?!?!
Lost for most Americans in the waves of euphoria resulting from the U.S. soccer team’s stoppage time goal to win their World Cup pool for the first time in 80 years is perhaps the most exciting and remarkable tennis match in the history of the sport. John Isner and Nicholas Mahut played for over 10 hours– TEN HOURS — in a first round Wimbledon match, and they still have not determined a winner! Because there are no fifth set tie-breakers... Read More
Best Sports Run in a Long Time!
Anyone else getting his face blown off by this recent set of sports events? I mean, just in the last week and a half, we have had the NBA Finals, the NCAA World Series, the World Cup, The US Open, and Wimbledon! And three of those events have a good ways to go! Add to the sheer excitement and non-stop action of all these things happening at once the fact that two of these events offer basically around-the-clock coverage (World Cup and Wimbledon). ... Read More
World Cup: Observations So Far
Most of us Yanks are fair-weather fans when it comes to Soccer-Football. I would consider myself a mild-weather fan. I follow the English, Spanish, German, and Italian leagues closely enough to know what’s shaking. That helps when it comes to be World Cup time, ’cause I know some of these doods running around on the pitch, as we call it in jolly old England, mate. I have a couple of rad-rageous observations about the Cup so far. First,... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 9: It’s Over, It’s All Over!
Fort Gibson Lake near the Arkansas River was my childhood fishing spot of choice, and it’s where the last BASS Elite Series event of the season was held. As I mentioned in my last post, I decided to pick my team randomly–well, without expert assistance–and surprise fucking surprise! I had my best week of the season, 138 points above the median. The team: 1. Reese. 2nd. 2. VanDam. Tied for 5th. 3. Matthew Herren. 4th. 4. Bill Lowen.... Read More
Under the Bridge
Kinda Awesome, kinda gross.
Mike Freeman: Wordsmith.
Our old friend Mike Freeman is at it again, thrilling readers with his combination of unintelligible analogies and indiscernible logic. This time, he is talking about Vince Young’s recent issues at the strip club, and it is quite a treat to travel down Freeman’s winding path around, near, and past, but never really to the point. Let’s look at some highlights. First an especially awesome paragraph. Here, he is speaking... Read More
Pretty cool
Clipper Darrell will fuck you up
This guy is awesome. You are not. Read More
Choke-Off: Westwood “Wins” 2nd PGA Title
Wow. I watched a good bit of the final round of the St. Jude Classic yesterday, and a common storyline was being written by Lee Westwood: fight yourself into contention, take a lead, choke the title away to some bum. It was all going according to plan. Westwood started the day 2 back; he stormed to take a 2-stroke lead going into the back nine; he failed to make a birdie that whole back nine; and he trailed by three to leader Robert Garrigus... Read More
Check Yo’ Self
Who knew? Getting one’s head bashed into a wall might have adverse health effects, according to this breakthrough study. Another bombshell is that it might even be more dangerous for kids to bang their heads against things. Before this was published I never believed in “science.” I called it the devil’s work and crossed myself every time it was mentioned. I now know it is magic–but not that bad magic like Harry... Read More
Stop makin’ songs for fuckin’ Nike commercials and get to makin’ a new Outkast album!
Photoshop 4 fun
Once a Met, always a Met
More fuel on the Nostapossumus fire
Recently, GP aka NP called the demise of Federer. Did he finally lose in a major before the semis? Yes. Sure, it was on clay and he ain’t much good on clay, but still. Well. . . more fuel to the fire. Shit like this wouldn’t happen if he was on the top of his game. Let the long, slow, sad slide continue! Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 8: Wrap Up
A Wednesday-to-Saturday tournament, who woulda guessed? Three guys missed the first cut (including Reese), mystery man Cliff Pace finished 30th, and VanDam won. Ta da. I was a fat 22 points above the median, and I am now a splendidly shitty 50.3 percentile. One week left.The only way I’m getting to 60th percentile is if I finish about a billion points ahead of everyone else. I can do this because: 1. I’m going to pick a totally random... Read More
I love stupid bets!
Not only did I win my $5 bet with Seamus (that either the Sharks or the Blackhawks would win the Stanley Cup), I also got to see this dude cry: Feel the passion, feel the glory, feel that dude beat up 3 kids with his stare! Read More
College Football Is Completely Fucked Up, and I Hate Sports
Almost everyone under the age of 100 agrees that the BCS is stupid and Division 1-A* football needs a playoff. Even worse than the arcane poll-based championship, though, is the I-A conference structure. Conferences have been ballooning for years, leading to pseudo-conference divisions and playoff-hybrid championship games. The Big East remains a BCS conference despite having been gutted by the ACC. The Big Ten has eleven teams. Louisiana Tech is... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 8: Tennessee Triumph
Whatever. I’m kind of over fantasy fishing. 1. It’s way too random. 2. I don’t actually care about bass fishing, so these guys all end up being so many letters on a screen. 3. I’m just giving ESPN more hits. 4. It’s fucking fantasy fishing, and what the fuck. So, I have a team, based mostly on expert opinion. Who gives a shit: 1. Reese. 2. KVD. 3. Jeff Kriet. 4. Cliff Pace. 5. Niggemeyer. Good luck to me, blah blah... Read More
Whatupwiththat?
NBA Players Shouldn’t Foul Out? Ridiculous.
During game 2 of the NBA Finals, Jeff Van Gundy again iterated his opinion that players should not foul out of games. Then, this morning, the entire four-person panel on ESPN’s 1St and 10 agreed. What a bunch of idiots. I have to agree with atom on Jockpost.com: this argument is retarded. Essentially, Van Gundy and the rest make the case that other sports don’t foul out players, and that the fans who pay their money deserve to see... Read More
Stadium Status
Stadium Status from Internets Celebrities on Vimeo. I hate documentaries. They are usually boring, generic, phony, and self-righteous. That said, take twenty minutes and watch this. People spend a lot of time talking about the raw deal that new stadiums offer to taxpayers, but usually in abstract ways that fail to really take hold with the average sports fan/citizen. These guys do a really nice job illustrating one of many political conundrums that... Read More
Tom-to-tha-Izzo
Because, you know, hiring a coach who has never worked in the NBA and who couldn’t dispatch Butler in the dz-ance should instill in LBJ the confidence to stay in the mistake by the m’lake. But Lupe seems cool so I think she would be a bright spot in an otherwise dismal hire. Read More
Just a lil’ TDGP refurb
Discredited Vagina Cleaner?
Justin Bieber Leads the Memorial
Bieber uses his alias "Rickie Fowler" when he plays golf so as to hold back his throngs of fans. Read More
C’mon, World: Enough Already. Leave Detroit Alone!
The over-production of the automobile industry that was slowly pushing Detroit automakers out of the market; the housing crisis, subsequent recession and paring down of auto production on the whole; the general move from American manufacturing to out-sourcing and service-based industry; and now, the one ray of hope in the Detroit area, a perfect game by a young journeyman pitcher… will never be. Of course, I refer to Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando... Read More
Overdue but Still Slightly Traumatic
I have to admit, he should not have come back this year. And those sleeping allegations were just nasty. If any player should have juiced it is Griffey. Think how much less time he would have missed because of injuries. I had an awesome plan to go see him play when this August when I go to Seattle. It would have been the fourth decade I saw Griffey play in. Would have been rad, but alas… Also, Griffey’s absence will make it much... Read More
For the Love of God, Do Something!! It’s a “Black Mamba-” or at least, that’s what he calls himself, though no one else really got on board for it, and it’s kinda dumb. I mean, he’s pretty good, but when did we start letting players come up with their own handles, and dumb ones, too? Let’s be real about this: no one wanted to call him that, and it really doesn’t make any sense.
What Are You Doing on the Bench? Get in there! Didn't you hear about the Black Mamba? Read More
An Energy Drink for Your Feet
This has got to be the dumbest tag-line for any shoe or product ever conjured by the marketing Gods. Add to that the fact that their pitch-man is Sidney Crosby, known for excelling at a sport that does not require shoes. That’s why I only wear British Knights. Hammer style. Oh yeah, feet don’t drink, not even figuratively. Read More
Carry on My Hayward Son
Ok, that title is not really supposed to add to the post. But this is egregious and nasty stuff that must be discussed stat. In Chad Ford’s most recent ESPN NBA Draft “Big Board,” Butler’s Gordon Hayward is placed at #10. I’m no expert, but this seems pretty inflated. He’s a good player, for sure, but #10 good? I thinks not. Granted, this year’s draft is a bit weak. But this guy has Morrison written... Read More
“You got to be kidding me right here”
Since When Does Greg Oden Play Tennis?
Don’t you know it.
“There’s no defense,” manager Cito Gaston said, “against the trot.” Read More
Quick Hits
1) Old News. Here’s what Steve Elling just wrote about the LPGA: “Hope you like your sarcasm with huge dollops of smarm. I tell you, I was stunned, shocked and stupefied to learn that the LPGA match-play final last weekend between Texas native Angela Stanford and waifish Sun Young Yoo was won by the latter, who recorded her first U.S. win. There is a faction of fans that believes the globalization... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 7 Wrapup
9 points above the median, which is supremely mediocre, but I’m happy about it. Why? Mainly because McClelland and Kriet, the two guys selected specifically based on expert recommendations, actually came through–15th and 13th, respectively. Wild card Edwin Evers finished a solid 19th, but Reese and Niggemeyer, my team leaders, crapped out at 58th and 84th, respectively. C’mon, Niggemeyer, there’s only 93 dudes. 84th is not... Read More
NFL on Roids: ‘Whatever’
Am I the only one that thinks that the NFL should be more concerned and perhaps levy greater penalties to players testing positive for banned substances? I know that there is the argument that no one should care about baseball roids, because there is a case to be made that only baseball’s ‘hallowed records’ are being affected by PEDs. While that argument it stupid, in that the players are hurting their bodies with the junk, and... Read More
You Ain’t No Canseco, Mang
Floyd Landis confessed to using PEDs throughout the majority of his career. And nobody gives a dang. A little advice for you, Floyd. If you are going to implicate people or hint around at implicating people, go Canseco on that ass. Be bold, make shit up, go on bad talk shows, become a reality tv star, write a couple of books. It’s probably not that hard. I officially volunteer to ghost write. My style is spicy and steamy; I guarantee... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 7: Pride of Georgia
Which is another great name for a tournament. Shouldn’t the PGA start livening up its tournament names? No one even remembers the names of most golf events, so how about the Wyndham Championship changing to the “Wyndham’s Envy of California”? Fuck you, Pebble Beach and your “AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am”! We OWN this state, and all in the name of Wyndham (whatever that is–Lewis?), muthafucka! Anyway,... Read More
Hilarious
Learn How to Modify, Phil!
Phil Jackson is at it again– trying to sew a seed in the minds of referees just before his up-coming playoff series with the Suns. This time, he argues that Suns point guard Steve Nash palms the ball. First of all, Phil, as the story points out, so does your boy Kobe. Almost all guards in the NBA palm the ball. This whole call-out-the-best-player-on-the-opposing-team-a-few-days-before-the-series is getting a little sad, Phil. Durant... Read More
Softball = Gay
We live on the dumbest planet in the solar system. Read More
In Defense of Lebron
I just watched Lebron James have a 27 pt, 19 reb, 10 ast game– not that much different from Rajon Rondo’s much-ballyhooed game 4 performance (29, 18, 13) … yet Lebron and the Cleveland Cavaliers lost game 6 and their series to the Boston Celtics. True, Lebron had 9 turn-overs and shot only 8-21 from the field, but he still had a pretty freaking good game on the whole. Despite that, however, his team was never really in the... Read More
Freeman Off the Mark, Again
I know CBSSports.com guys like Gregg Doyel and Mike Freeman are basically paid to be provocateurs, and that is fine. But I think that the way that Freeman frames his work is often faulty, and his column about NHL popularity is a good example. First, I agree with him that the NHL has fan problems– in fact, I have written on this very blog about how last year’s Ovey-Crosby match-up would not bring any new fans to the game and that the... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 6: Wrap Up
Oh for fuck’s sake. So the big decision last week was Mike Iaconelli or Aaron Martens, KVD having been banished from the team. Like fantasy fucking fishing clockwork, Ike and Martens proceeded to miss the first cut and VanDam came in 9th. One cannot, as they say, win for losing in this goddamn game. On the bright side, Reese won, and Niggemeyer and Omori made the first cut. I should’ve played another Japanese guy instead of cut-casualty... Read More
NFL QBs in New Roles: Rank ‘Em
There is going to be quite a shuffle at the starting QB position of NFL teams this year, as veteran QBs have been traded to new cities, and rookies have been drafted to teams with no sure Number One– and Roethlisberger is out for 6 weeks for conduct unbecoming. So, I will now rate the impact that new QB situations will have on the league, starting with Most Impactful. 1) Donovan McNabb in Washington. For years, Washington has been one... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 5 Wrapup/Week 6: Synergy Southern Challenge
The tournaments are coming right on top of each other, so I have to combine posts this time. Let’s dispense with the armageddon of last week: Reese finished 5th and everyone else missed the first cut. I am now at the 46th percentile, which sucks and I hate it. On to this week in Guntersville, Alabama. At least I have company in my misery: ESPN expert Kyle Carter tells us that his “wife is beating [him] in Fantasy Fishing by just under... Read More
Why is this cop tazing a retarded kid?
58!
There are a few numbers in sports that carry real weight– that, in the context of a conversation about that sport, speak for themselves. For years (and still for some) baseball had 61 and 755; in basketball, there’s 100 and 72; and in golf, the magic number has always been 59. Until now. Ryo Ishikawa, Japanese 18 year-old phenom, carded the only professional tour 58 on Sunday. Sure, he did it on the Japanese Tour, a kind of Nationwide-type... Read More
Still One of the Coolest Moments in Sports
Old dudes are tricky. How do you think they became old? Read More
The Derby
Yesterday, Super Saver broke from the pack down the stretch to win the Kentucky Derby. A friend to the Poster had a Derby party, complete with cucumber sandwiches and Derby pie. It was the first time in a long time that I actively took part in any Derby events. I’m not sure if the race held that much genuine interest for me, but the gathering was quite enjoyable. And, really, you only have to devote like 10 minutes of your day to the... Read More
Therapist
Deadspin made a delicious little point yesterday that will probably result in the NFL banning this. It’s still ok, for a few more seconds anyhow, to order Pittsburgh Steelers’ #7 jerseys with the last name “Therapist” on the back. Hotness. Read More
Is Your Mom a Hooker?
I don’t understand this thing. What has this question to do with Dez Bryant’s “character”? And his ability or not to play football for the Dolphins? How does the GM even come to that question? What a bizarre story. Read More
Hey Dwight: Shut Up and Stop Fouling
If there are any loyal readers, you probably remember how we were (all but Jimmy P) on board with the Magic last season. We all suffered the heartbreak of Van Gundy’s ridiculous coaching moves. But, I am getting a bit tired of Dwight Howard’s bitching about fouls. Dude, you led the league in fouls this year. Your ‘treatment’ in the post-season is a continuation of your fouling everyone near you. Yeah, Dwight-- you fouled... Read More
Steve Phillips: Laying the dick to the Mets one last time
Bobby V is still cool though. This is just great. Talk about a retirement plan. Read More
Fantasy Fishing Poll: Kevin VanDam or Mike Iaconelli?
That’s it. Tell me in comments which of these two should join Skeet Reese on my team this week for the Alabama Charge at Pickwick Lake. As for the rest of the roster: 3. Tim Horton. Named after breakfast and on his home lake. 4. Gerald Swindle. Also from Alabama. I’m trying, for the first time, the home state theory. 5. James Niggemeyer. He makes a respectable showing every week. Read More
I’m pretty sure I know why the Bucks won both home games
Quote of the Day
May the Schwartz be with you “Some people watch adult videos on their computer,” Schwartz had told me. “I go to YouTube and watch Jahvid Best highlight clips. That’s what gets me aroused.” Read More
I dig it
What do I dig? This. Read More
Tracking the Draft: Denver Broncos & Other Things
So, let’s try and understand the Denver Broncos first round of the 2010 NFL Draft. Before the Draft started, Denver had a lot of picks: 11, 43 (from Brandon Marshall pre-draft trade), 45, 80, 114, 137 (from Tony Scheffler pre-draft trade), 146, 183, 220 (from Tony Scheffler pre-draft trade). This seems like a lot of picks. I dunno, maybe it isn’t. Point is, I think they had picks to burn. They started at 11 overall. Not bad. They got... Read More
BCS: Nice.
The BCS has published the ways that a non-power conference can get an auto bid for the BCS. Here are the three qualifications–” the ranking of the highest-ranked team in the final BCS standings; the final regular-season computer rankings of all the teams in a conference; and the number of teams in the top 25 of the final BCS standings.” {This is over a FOUR YEAR PERIOD, did I mention?} Does is strike anyone as odd that the way... Read More
Grand Central Station: Euphemism Arriving Now
No really, the devil did make him do it “If Roethlisberger was essentially a good guy who engaged in some bad behavior one night, then you draw the line in the sand and move on.” Read More
Sports I can get behind
Adios, Ochoa– Another Hit for LPGA
Just months into this season, and after the dropping of several events as a result of poor sponsorship and revenue, the LPGA is taking another hit: Lorena Ochoa is retiring at 28. See ya, L-Train. This could not be worse timing for the tour, as they have not yet fully recovered from the loss of Annika Sorenstam, and as the tour is being taken over by little-known foreign players. I don’t think many have anything against the likes of Korea’s... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 4: Wrap Up
Ick. Fucking Skeet Reese fucking won the goddamn thing. Ike missed the first cut to 50 anglers, KVD missed the second cut to 12 anglers, and I fucking suck at this. Casey Ashley missed the first cut and is gone for good from my team. Kriet and Niggemeyer were 33rd and 27th, respectively, which is not terrible. I finished 95 points below the median and went way down to the 53rd percentile. 22nd is a solid enough finish for VanDam to be safe, but it... Read More
I Like Ike (for now)
up in the majors one day and already the Mets only hope Read More
Sports/Rap Crossover
I thought I was going to find all of the rappin’ here to be mondo-shitty. Okay, most of it is (particularly Webber and Kobe who seem to be flowing over some alternate beat we can’t hear), but the beats on some of these songs redeems them in major ways. For instance, I enjoy the Jason Kidd song (Ain’t no party like a J-Kidd party!) until I focus on his rhymin’. And, fuck, I really like the Tony Parker song. Anyway, for your... Read More
Great euphemism in 3. . . 2. . . 1
Agent Eugene Parker acknowledges that Bryant has challenges when it comes to “life skills.” To help, Bryant and Parker have already hired a personal assistant to help with things as simple as being on time. Bryant has also received counseling in recent months on how to manage his life. I cannot jump this high I’m also into the Lamborghini metaphor (see article). It seems that each year there is a new guy with a lot of talent to talk about... Read More
Berger’s Logic on NBA MVP is Emblematic of Problem
Ken Berger has sounded off on his picks for superlative awards for this NBA season. I do not have a whole lot of problems with his actual picks– LeBron for MVP, Howard for Defensive POY, Evans as ROY. However, his overall logic on the MVP race is stupid and shows the problem with the award. Here is his ordering of the MVP race: 1. LeBron James, Cavaliers. 2. Dwight Howard, Magic. 3. Kobe Bryant, Lakers. 4. Dwyane Wade, Heat. 5. Kevin... Read More
Milton Bradley
They would have been better off signing the Parker Brothers! But seriously, folks! Was I kidding myself in thinking that Milt could turn it around with the M’s. That Seattle’s tolerant and laid-back fans would be good for the embattled outfielder and self-proclaimed “bad guy” of the MLB? I think I was wrong as hell. Bradley hit a homer last night. Fantastic. But he was batting less than .100 coming into that game. ... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 4: Blue Ridge Brawl
I love the names of these tournaments. The pro tennis and golf leagues could learn a thing or two from these bass fishing folks. We’re back, and I needed the time off. I got to squeeze in a round of ESPN fantasy golf for the Masters, which was, I must say, fucking invigorating. I didn’t win, but I had Phil on my team, so there’s that. This week’s B.A.S.S. tourney is in Virginia, which means that I should pick guys who fish... Read More
I’m not sayin’, I’m just sayin’
The pinnacle of human civilization I’m not saying Ben Roethlisberger is guilty. . . I’m just saying that if a company that makes beef jerky won’t let you endorse its product then you have to be a pretty filthy human being. Read More
Gotta feed the man titties
Whether Phil is a better man than Tiger is up for debate. However, one debate that is closed: Which golfer is cooler? Answer: Phil for rocking the green jacket while he rolls up on Krispy Kreme and orders 3 motherfuckin dozen donuts. Way to go champ!! Read More
Big Ben Taken Down a Peg
Did people see the Georgia DA basically lament the fact that he could not prosecute Ben Roethlisberger? Fred Bright was clearly politicking when he announced that the Milledgeville DA’s office would not bring charges to a grand jury. It was evident that he thought Ben is guilty and that he sides with the accuser. Point in fact: he exclusively referred to that accuser as “the victim,” with no “alledged”s to be found. ... Read More
Nostrapossumus: Quick Hits
A surge of visions has just come. I must document them quickly before they leave me. No pictures or adornment– just the future. Baseball: 1) Roy Halladay wins NL Cy Young award. 2) NY Yankees win 100 games. Loss of Matsui big, but Nick Johnson is on-base machine, and Granderson is fast and a great bat with the short porch in right. 2a) BONUS: For that reason, Granderson has a BIG year. His numbers will be better than Damon’s... Read More
Phil-omenal at the Masters!
Phil Mickelson beat ass today to shut out the field. After a coupla folks made little runs on the back 9, Mickelson hit some clutch shots, including a 2nd shot from the woods on 13 to set up a two-putt birdie when it looked like he could be in trouble. He deserved the win, and you gotta feel good for him and his wife. He was the best player out there. "Oooooh! You likah da green jacket, ehn?" On another note,you gotta fell bad for... Read More
Impressive Win or Sign that Heavyweight Division is Weak?
Oft-retired and 47-year-old fighter Evander Holyfield just became a heavyweight champion– again. Last night, Holyfield knocked out WBF king Frans Botha in round number eight to once again become champ. The belt now comes with a lifetime supply of Ben-Gay. Sure, Holyfield should never have gotten the shot, but this is what boxing is about: past champs always get shots, as champs and challengers look for a money grab and some publicity. I... Read More
Time for a Rebrand?
So, I guess this mea culpa-style commerical is fine (although appropriating dead daddy Woods in this way seems tacky), but wouldn’t it have been better if Tiger Woods came back unrepentant, taking his heel turn? A classic move in the dramatic universe of professional wrestling, the heel wants you to hate him, needs you to hate him. Formerly good guys turn bad, drawing all their power on 1) cheating and 2) the hate of the crowd. Would it not... Read More
Yankees President and ESPN Journalist Team Up to Completely Fucking Confound Sense
In case you missed it, there was a little kerfuffle between Brewers owner Mark Attanasio and Yankees president Randy Levine. Seems Attanasio thinks it’s not so fair that the Yankees’ starting infield gets paid more than the whole Brewers roster. Seems Levine thinks Attanasio is “whining,” and that he should instead use the “hundreds of millions of dollars that they get from us in revenue sharing the last few years”... Read More
Masters Sanctimony is Sickening
We all know that the Masters is the most stodgy, haughty “tradition unlike any other” there is in the sports world. But Chairman Billy Payne’s chastising of Tiger Woods at his yearly, ‘state of the Masters’ address was as unnecessary as it was ridiculous. As Teddy Greenstein of the Chicago Tribune points out, Payne sounded like a “disapproving dad” as he indicted Woods for his philandering ways. In his... Read More
Nellie: GOAT, I Guess
If you have kept up with my posts, you know that when it comes to stats, I prefer yards per carry over total rushing yards, FG percentage to PPG, etc. Or, at least, I prefer if people look at all the stats, not just one. So, though I have declared my love for Nellie-style bball, his over-taking of Lennie Wilkins for the most wins of all-time does not make him, for me, the greatest coach ever. A mixture of winning percentage over time is more... Read More
UConn Wins Ugly
That was one ugly game. The first half was one of the worst displays of basketball in the history of any NCAA championship game in the shot clock era. Stanford 20, UConn 12. UConn shot 5-29 from the field, and Stanford, whose only loss prior to the championship was to UConn, could only build an 8 point lead, as they got a mere 20 points. That would prove fatal, as UConn played pretty decently in the second half and pulled away. There was... Read More
From Hate to Love?
Things I Seen…
Generally when we are talking about the things I have seen, we are talking the future and the Possumus. But today, I would like to point to the most important things I have noticed in the sports world over the last ten days or so. Then, I will draw conclusions about those events. Here they come: 1) JJ Redick finally had a big game. On March 28, Vince Carter left the Orlando-Nuggets game just two minutes in, and Stan Van was left to scramble... Read More
Well I did it
Hit a new low tonight, started playing fantasy baseball. Maybe I will do some updates like Seamus does with fantasy fishing. I am a bit ambivalent about playing, I mean, fuck, it is a 162 game season. Apparently you only have to set the roster once a week, so maybe I can handle it. Here is my draft (in an 8 team league): Batting: Joe Mauer, Pablo Sandoval (big fatty!), Dustin Pedroia, Jose Reyes, Evan Longoria, Jason Bay, Nate McLouth, Adam Jones,... Read More
Just Plain Awesome
baseball samuraiUploaded by tanaka223. – More video blogs and vloggers. Read More
Why Do You Keep Tempting Me, Rick Reilly?
I haven’t gone after Reilly in a while. He’s been writing acceptable stuff–his last was on George Karl’s cancer, and I’m not gonna attack a piece on George Karl’s cancer. So it’s good to see Rick’s back on Tiger Woods. This drivel asks an important question: what if, after the whole adultery scandal, Tiger wins the Masters, his first tournament back from exile? My answer: no one will be that surprised,... Read More
Well, Fuck It
TDGP's patron saint To be sober with minors in the car while intoxicated or not to be? That is the question for the blog’s patron saint, Dwight “Doc” Gooden. Apparently he was in an car accident on Tuesday that featured, “driving while under the influence of drugs, reckless driving and leaving the scene of an accident.” Also, to top it off, driving with a minor in the car aka endangering the welfare of a minor. Not... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 3 Wrapup
Ugh. For a second straight week I fell just below the median score, dropping to the 62nd percentile on the season. VanDam blew it again, missing the first cut and finishing 59th out of 93. Ick. I should’ve played Ike at 25th, but instead of KVD, not Reese, who did what he was supposed to and came in 5th. My Oklahoma brethren were not exactly OK. Kriet missed the second cut and finished a decent 33rd. Shoo-in Fred Roumbanis sucks shit and I hate... Read More
Shake Weight
THE_REAL_SHAQ : Am I the only that thinks the “shake weight commercial” is um, weird, and u say it, lol Read More
Prayer, the Wonderlic, and Tebow
Just woke up and today is already a good day because I found this out. The comments are almost as good as the story itself. Read More
New NBA Playoffs Promo
Texas manager tests positive for awesome
Sweet. Really? Just him? Wouldn’t you do a ton of coke if you had to be in the dugout, bored out of your fucking mind by a 162 game season (relatedly: season too long)? Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 3: Golden State Shootout
So fuck it, I’m playing a guy named Skeet. Every expert on ESPN says there’s no surer pick in this deep, clear water event (at a place called Clear Lake, no less), so Reese and KVD it is. Backing them up are: Jeff Kriet. A guy from Oklahoma. The Sooner State will do me right at an event with a state’s nickname. Fred Roumbanis. Hopefully I missed his bad week last week, and he loves deep water. Also from Oklahoma. I’m hedging... Read More
I Wish I Lived Near Oakland
Seamus McGee’s recent statement about the upcoming Golden State fishing tourney and a game on ESPN tonight remind me that the best team in the league to watch play basketball is the Golden State Warriors. On any given night, the Warriors offer an exciting, run-and-gun product that is not matched anywhere else in the league. No matter the score, they are never out of a game– they have so much ability on offense that a ten-point deficit... Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 2: Lessons Learned
Not a great week for me: KVD got cut after Saturday (they do both a Friday and a Saturday cut, it turns out), and Aaron Martens was HORRIBLE, finishing 54th. Tommy Biffle, my Oklahoma brother, was 84th (out of 93 dudes), but I’m comforted by the fact that consensus expert pick Fred Roumbanis finished one place after him. On the flip side, my Niggemeyer finished 7th out of nowhere. The primary issue for my score is that Skeet Reese finished 2nd... Read More
Thoughts on the NCAA Bball Tourney
Now that the bracket is out, we can turn to thinking about which 5 will beat which 12 and if any lowly team can make a real run. But before all that, I have a couple of thoughts about the selection process. First, the at-large bids and seedings are pretty wacky. Granted, I am not saying anything new to argue that some picks and omissions seem odd; each year, there are weird choices from the committee. Nor is this ground-breaking, but I’ll... Read More
NCAAs: So Close!
And not a moment too soon– I’m getting kind of tired of Joe Lunardi. Ok-- you're good at what you do, but let's just watch the selection show already. Read More
Big Sky Love
I have just witnessed quite a performance, and it came on the biggest stage the Big Sky Conference has– their championship game, which determines the team that will go to the NCAA basketball tourney. In that game, Montana trailed Weber State 40-20 at the half. They looked out-classed and defeated a few minutes in. But Montana’s guard Anthony Johnson was not willing to go gentle into that good night. Having already put up 8 of his... Read More
Tippecanoe and Tyler too
genius in arrested motion Ground Possum’s favorite former NBA player apparently is now playing for the love of money to pay off a massive debt(?) Also, for posterity: Read More
Fantasy Fishing Week 2: Duel in the Delta
The second tournament of ESPN’s fantasy fishing season, Stockton, CA’s Duel in the Delta, starts Thursday, and I’ll be damned if I haven’t put together the best team: 1. Kevin VanDam. Duh, but it’s interesting that he’s only at 70% ownership. The other 30% are either psycho genius bass fishing experts or not entering a roster at all. 2. Aaron Martens. Everybody on the site has either this guy or Skeet Reese as the... Read More
How Will Media Respond to Big Ben’s Latest?
I am not sure what to make of the latest reports of Big Ben Roethlisberger’s off-the-field activities. There is not much information upon which to base any conclusions, really. Certainly he seems to make some questionable decisions for so high-profile a public figure; but past that, I think the case is too preliminary. But, not so for many online respondees, apparently. There are matching ground-swells of support for and admonition... Read More
Back to Bad Habits for Lakers, Kobe
Tonight, Kobe Bryant scored 34 points in a two-point loss to Orlando. He was 12-30 from the field. The game was a microcosm of where the Lakers are this season: if Kobe shoots a ton and makes his shots, L.A. wins. When he shoots like he did tonight, they lose. Indeed, in games where Kobe shoots 24+ shots, the Lakers are only 12-10. In all other games, they are 34-8 (and 4-1 w/o Kobe). "WHEN I SHOOT THIS MANY TIMES, WE'RE AVERAGE!" Granted,... Read More
Living With Hoop Dreams
I screened Hoop Dreams last night to a group of about 30 students. I was pretty excited to show the film, as it has been one of my favorites since I first saw it when I was 12 or 13. At that time, basketball was, by leaps and bounds, my favorite sport. It was never the sport I was best at, but I liked somehow being involved in every play and the constant movement. Baseball bored the shit out of me during the moments when I wasn’t involved... Read More
Lost Some Respect for Simmons After This
It’s silly that he would even make the comparison. I can see how adversity figures into both of these situations, but that’s about it. C’mon, Senor Bonitude Read More
Olympic Withdrawals
I’m back from my justified suspension (apologies, readers) and I find that, despite my snafu on reporting the women’s short program, I want nothing more than to write on tonight’s Olympic events… but there are none. Alas, the Games are over. And there is a hole in my heart. The only thing I can do is to share my lasting impressions of the Vancouver Olympics as a way to try to heal the wound that NBC has dealt me by not... Read More
Olympics Wrap up: F U NBC
Suck it, Americans! I personify excellence. The only athlete that can come close is Federer and he is powered by a secret stash of Nazi gold. Fuck NBC’s over narrativized athletes. Vonn was cool, but had that boring tiff with what’s her face. White was cool, but all his teammates hate his selfish “EXTREME” ass (almost as much as they hate their own “EXTREME” asses). Lysacek was fine, but those snakes scared me... Read More
NFL player release rhetoric
Apparently the Jets are going to release Thomas Jones. About this fact, I care little. What bothers me is the rhetoric of parting that happens when any team has exhausted their workhorse. . . when they have played their hand as far as they want to play it without buying back in. On the matter, “50 wings at a time, keep ‘em coming” had to say: “When I got here, Thomas immediately became one of my guys,” Ryan said in a statement.... Read More
Respect: Alford
University of New Mexico’s men’s basketball team is having a banner year. Much of this success is due to former IU star Steve Alford. Like most of us, I thought this guy was just another wangbangerson. But if you can put a solid program together at a school like UMN, you’re doing pretty decent. We’ll need another year or so until we can call him good. Alford gave my increasing confidence in him a mega-boost yesterday... Read More
Resting the Daddy
Shaw once helped a whole bunch of fat kids, now he is going to help himself to some time off. Okay, so is Shaq really hurt or is this all part of a larger plan to rest him for the playoffs? Either way, I don’t think this really hurts the Cavs all that much. They played long enough with Shaq to understand his rhythms. And he is a vet so he can easily jump back in come playoff time. Read More
Fuck Yeah
Let’s here it for this campaign. Read More
Possum Censured by TDGP
Despite his record of correct psychic predictions and a reputation as an excellent researcher and reporter, the TDGP has suspended Ground Possum for three days, following his publishing of the story “Ladies’ Short.” The sanction comes as a result of Ground Possum’s sloppy fact reporting on the Women’s Figure Skating Short Program at the Vancouver Olympic Games. In that story, Possum lauds Kim Yu-Na for her world record... Read More
Ladies’ Short
Since we seem to have become the de facto ice skating source for the blog nation, let me give some props to the ladies and the work they did last night. First of all, in the all-important short program, of all the women who skated on TV, zero made any big mistakes. There were no falls, no omitted elements, nothing major. A few under-rotated jumps may have been down-graded, but otherwise, very clean. These women are pros, even if some are amateurs. Second,... Read More
Sports Break: Busey style.
Busey, playing a very sporting Sgt. Drake Savage. Also, big ups to Farley. Not really sports-related, just thought we should take a moment to give it up for Gary Busey getting his girlfriend pregnant. At 65, this dude’s seed still swims. Kudos. Read More
Hilarity ensues
Pure Platinum, Baby!!
Hey, you make your own reality, right? Awesome upending of medal significance that draws on the record industry (?), hip hop (?). Read More
Plushenko 4 Prez
Why oh why did Plushenko not bring out this performance for the Olympics? Read More
The worst thing ever caught by the camera eye
Oh, that's much better. Oh, wait. . . it is still ice dancing. This shit is awful on so many levels. Read More
Tiger scandal, boon for hot air
Fuck, You Duckett
So this happened: Bass fishing trophy presentations are amazing. Here, our boy VanDam celebrates with pyrotechnics after catching over 50 pounds of fish. Kevin VanDam, the Tiger Woods of bass fishing, just won his third Bassmaster Classic and the accompanying $500,000 prize. You’ll no doubt recall that he was on my fantasy team, along with 4th place finisher Russ Lane and 6th place finisher Mike Iaconelli. Not bad, I guess, except that shoo-in... Read More
Yevgeny is Awesome
A few nights ago, Olympic figure skater Yevgeny Plushenko of the Russian Federation was edged out for the gold by American Evan Lysacek. Fewer than two points separated the two skaters, but it is not this event per se that has Plushenko screaming foul; rather, the gold medalist from the Games in 2006 is angry that Lysacek was credited with the points he was, given that the American attempted no quadruple jump in the competition. There seem to be... Read More
Help me out with this one
Jamison's hellish Groundhog Day is over. So, ‘twan was traded to the Cavs. So, what is up with this? I don’t know much about the Cavs, but is this really going to help them? Isn’t J.J. Hickson playing well? Wouldn’t it be better to have a proven back up to Shaq (they shipped Ilgauskas to the Wiz) in case he gets hurts (and also to spell his old ass)? Also, haven’t the Cavs beat the Lakers twice this year? Why change... Read More
Super jazzed
I know where I will be at 11am EST on Friday. I cannot wait to hear the bullshit that comes out of his mouth. Read More
Olympic-sized musing
Jacobellis, oh no! Not again! 1) Q: What is the rockingest jump in figure skating? A: The triple Axl Rose. 2) Q: Why has Eminem been spotted at the Vancouver Games? A: He is recording a remix of “Luge Yourself.” 3) Q: Why do some athletes carry a passport as they compete in the Games? A: Because of the cross-country skiing. 4) Q: Who is the most panic-stricken athlete at the 2010 Olympics? A: Apolo Anton OH NO! Read More
This is what I am talking about
Okay, wasn’t really talking about it, but (if true) this is awesome: I’m guessing that makes me the fastest baby boomer! I would say, thats really booming. Are you? 10:44 AM Feb 15th from web By running the 40 yard dash in Orlando, Florida in a time of 4.43! FYI, all born between 1946 -1964 are baby boomers… 10:42 AM Feb 15th from web Quick update from the Birthday Boy:) I think today I became the fastest 50 year old in the world!... Read More
Professional Wrestling not a sport? Who says?
I Am Playing Fantasy Fishing
We’ve lamented ESPN’s dropping of fantasy golf around here before, and with Dustin Johnson’s exciting win this past weekend at Pebble, I am once again saddened that I can’t play the only fantasy game that matters and put together my team of Johnsons (Dustin, Zach, Richard S., and Wagner). To try to fill the hole, I’ve decided to take up fantasy fishing just in time for the Bassmaster Classic. I don’t know why these... Read More
Dunk Contest: Embarrassment of Riches –> Embarrassment
That was one the lamest displays of dunking I have ever seen. Was that sponsored by Xanax or something? The four dunkers looked to be sleepwalking through the competition. Long gone are the days of Jordan, Nique and Spud. This year, we had Spud Lite (Nate Robinson) win again, as the rest of the field did no dunks worth any note. Even Nate’s winning dunk was a lackluster throw-it-up-and-grab-reverse that he has done for the last 5 years. ... Read More
That Ain’t Right.
Seems to be doing just fine. Women can’t ski jump? That sucks. Read More
I’d vote for him for MVP
For Rawley and Harvelicious: Freeman Wrong on Manning
Once again, Mike Freeman is spreading his own brand of janky logic. In this story, Freeman argues that Manning was about to be crowned the greatest QB of all-time, but that his “awful interception” has resulted in his career “[taking] a dramatic step backward.” There are, as usual, a number of things wrong with this argument. This man's a bum, apparently. But let me start with, shockingly, a couple of points of agreement... Read More
Olympics!
Here’s the Real Story…
Kyle Boller, a young loner on a crusade to champion the cause of the innocent, the helpless, the powerless... Read More
This should have been expected
Can "Hell" have a baby? Could life get more awesome? It’s like Satan and God got together and decided to take some time off for their eternal fight for souls and celebrate how ducking fumb life can be. Read More
The Real Kicker
…from last night’s game is that Sean Payton’s onside kick call wound up hurting Kendra Wilkinson’s feelings. Boy, I sure am glad that TMZ Sports is launching soon. We get to see pictures of mediocre football players’ hot wives crying after they fuck up. Just to be clear, I’m not being sarcastic. Bring them tears! Tammy Faye after Jim Missed Fourth Free Throw in a Row at 1997 MTV Rock n' Jock B-Ball Jam Peyton's... Read More
Nostrapossumus on target?
Tiger back by the Masters? All signs (by signs I mean: TMZ) say yes. Also, how happy am I that I get my sporting news from TMZ? Congrats on beating ESPN on the race to the bottom. Read More
Bringing the heat vol 1
Having just returned from a lengthy TDGP hiatus, I feel it is incumbent upon me to share some random insights with my legendary wit and wisdom. Oh, and there’s going to be ranting and a lot of cursing. For the sake of the children, read this only late at night in the privacy of your bathroom. Where has Rawley been? Tat and tan consultant for Jersey Shore. My thoughts on football? Fuck the Saints. I mean that. Earnestly. ... Read More
Good Luckers!
Video Round Up: NFL Team Theme Songs Part II
In lieu of working on this snowy Saturday morning, I will add some more NFL team music videos! Continue to file these videos under activities that Roger “No Fun” Goodell would forbid: L.A. Raiders “Silver and Black Attack”: A lot of lauding Al Davis up front (so you know who ponied up for this one). Really gets interesting at 0:45 when Howie Long drops in for his solo joint. He likes to sit on running backs. . . which nicely transitions... Read More
Buy the Numbers III
Let’s get back to the examination of some numbers, shall we? You can take from them what you will… 1) Roger Federer was roughly a 1-6 favorite in his semifinal Aussie Open match vs. Jo Willie Tsonga. (A $100 bet would have made you about 16 bucks.) Conversely, though, Tsonga was only getting only 4-1 for the win. "Who's got two thumbs and no respect? This guy!" 2) Last week’s Torrey Pines golf tournament (formerly... Read More
Feeling the Jacksonville and Uche Nwaneri love
Apparently doesn't want to guard ThilBowe. Uche just telling it like it is. Read More
Fer Fucking Real, dude.
Manning is trying to add to his super bowl collection. Two things: 1) Super Bowl Prediction. I don’t have the flair for the future that NOSTRAPOSSUMUS does, but I give it a try every now and then. This game is pretty hard to decide. I could legitimately see either team winning, and maybe more interestingly, I could see either team winning by a blow out. I see a high amount of bonkability here. Thus, my prediction: Whatever team gets the ball... Read More
Another Reason to Love Harold Reynolds
He LOVES the Ground Possum Read More
Time for Some Bullsh#%
This is one of the worst weeks in the sports season. Would that the Aussie Open were still going this week so that there could be something to deflect the endless stream of shit that stupid journalists will churn out the next seven days. I say that because this is Super Bowl media week. Even though every possible storyline (barring possible late injuries) was filed last week, still, thousands of media outlets will converge on Miami to ‘unearth’... Read More
Sports Will Teach You Things
So this story isn’t very exciting. NFL owners and Players Association are still fighting; owners lose this round. What it does for us (well, me) is reveal the existence of a legal entity called a (and yes this is capitalized) Special Master. How had I never heard of this person before? Technically, a Special Master carries out certain orders of the court or hears very specialized civil matters, like labor disputes. In reality, a Special Master... Read More
John Terry: model citizen.
I'm still trying to figure out this shirt. Ever feel like American sports have become too Disneyfied? Everyone (sans Tiger) seems to be a shiny, happy brand image . Don’t you wish sports were more fun? Or, at the very least, more ridiculous? If so, you’ll like this guy. Read More
Football: a summation.
This picture (and realted story) pretty much sum up football for me. Read More
Sports, Scabs, and Virtual Representation
Sadly, Millar will never be digitized. Pretty interesting article on the relationship between real world politics and video game representations. Read More
Boomshakalaka.
TeBlow sucks it up at Senior Bowl
Probably the 15th or 16th best TE in the league in 2012 The haterade is running strong right now. Am I the only UF alum that doesn’t like Tim Tebow?!?! Not only did he stink it up today at the Senior Bowl, he offered this justification/response: “I think I’m definitely open to improving my fundamentals,” Tebow said. “I think I definitely showed that by being here. If you just watched the way I played, you could see there is room for... Read More
Connecting the Dots
I got too many things piled up to comment on. So here’s how we get from one to the next: 1. This is the most incredible piece of sports writing I’ve ever encountered. Not good, exactly, but totally entertainingly weird, mainly because of this: Of the 88 players who started on championship Sunday, 19 were undrafted. Countless megabucks first-round draft choices sat at home drinking blueberry wheat microbrews and munching genetically modified... Read More
What’s the problem?
The club in question Age old question: Is sports about the “spirit of the game,” the thrill of competing on a level playing field, or is it about winning (and, more so today, money)? Apparently Phil and John think it’s about winning. First off, this is a stupid loophole and should be easily closed, right? Also, doesn’t everyone in all walks of life “game the system” or find loopholes in the rules? Read More
Shirley, You’re Joking
Apparently not. I’ve given Paul Shirley a little bit of shade a time or two. But most of my ‘tude was in reference to the role of indie cultural intermediary he served for ESPN. Somebody had to serve that role, and it was Shirley. He seemed hip enough. He liked Animal Collective and read Dave Eggars (probably). I mean, what more do you need to be cool these days? A wang with teeth? A llama wearing pajamas? Anyhow, I had... Read More
Video Round Up: NFL Team Theme Songs
File all of these videos under activities that Roger “No Fun” Goodell would forbid: L.A. Rams “Ram It”: Best moment? Big Bad Jackie Slater’s sax solo @ 3:05. Or when Eric Dickerson suggests that “if you Ram it just right you can Ram it all night” @ 4:24. This whole video is fairly amazing. One of the receivers claims to be able to catch a BB in the dark with shades on. Miami Dolphins “Can’t Touch... Read More
Advocacy Advertisements
*UPDATE* A few days ago I posted this: ——————- I mentioned in a recent post that Tim Tebow will be appearing in an anti-abortion themed ad to air during the Super Bowl matchup between the Colts and Saints. This fact in itself shouldn’t really bother me. Our public sphere should, in theory, be built around arguments for this or that, whatever banner you choose to hold up. And if that was the case, then it... Read More
In need of some deserved credit
You know, just hanging back, looking cool in black. Although I think the Saints will probably beat the Colts (and may humiliate them) in the Super Bowl, I still think this dude is not getting his deserved credit. Jimmy Anti-Jam (as I like to call him due to his soft-spoken ways) Caldwell took over in the quietest way possible. Not only did he keep the Colts on their winning ways (a feat that shouldn’t be undervalued), he also made key alterations... Read More
Fuel for the haters? Yup.
This is the best "anti-hater" thing I could find on the web. Apparently "anti-haters" aren't very creative or don't know how to use photoshop. File me under: Tebow hater. File this under: pleasure reading (unless you are Tony Dungy, an ESPN analyst looking to slobber all over someone, or a rabid fan of UF college football). Read More
On the Rise
Doing his damnedest to replicate Sampras' unibrow. A true sign of a champion. You may or may not be able to pronounce his name, but I got a feeling Marin Čilić is here to stay in professional tennis. At 21, Čilić (Chill-itch or Chee-leech) made his first semis this year at the Aussie Open (you know, that tennis that is played at 3am on ESPN2). With formidable talent like Djokovic, Federer, and Murray still in the draw, his chances are slim.... Read More
One good thing about the BCS
Is that teams like Boise State get to make a shitload of cheddar. The bad thing about it is that they spent it all to create a field made of candy I’m going to admit that I like these guys and that I respect that they don’t seem to bitch too much about not getting taken as seriously as the big conference teams that might have one loss. If they had some juevos they’d try to weasel into the Pac 10, where they could finish a respectable... Read More
Kulick with a Strike for Women
I witnessed history yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t George Washington crossing the Delaware or anything so weighty, but I got swept up in it nonetheless. For yesterday, Kelly Kulick became the first woman ever to win a PBA bowling championship. Not a PWBA title, mind you– this one came against the boys. From its inception in 1958, the PBA has never had a woman win against the men, and Kulick did it this year in a major! Perhaps the... Read More
Cooler than Federer
Q: How Does One Lose Fans
A: Declare that fans’ votes for the annual NBA All-Star Game should not count–or at least not count as much. But not me, Ray Ray. Willikers agrees and will love you forever. You may have the theories, though, Ray, but you don’t have the Answer. While I agree with Ray, I think AI should be a lifetime starter, as long as he gets to play with a driver in hand. Read More
The “Not About Hate” League
Starting line up for the AABA's flagship team This has to be a joke, right? Someone please tell me this is a joke. Read More
Now that’s a beatdown
starring the Miami Heat as office equipment 104-65 loss to the Charlotte Bobcats? Loss? Didn’t I mean beatdown? Whenever I see a team score 65 in the NBA era of “no defense” I think BEATDOWN. The team now sits at 21-20 in the Ground Possum-noted mega shitty Eastern Division. The larger question is: Are they making the case for Dwayne Wade to stay in Miami? Is this team progressing enough to be a contender for a title in a few years?... Read More
Pretty Great: Kiffin as Sewage Center
They hate him like this but 1,000,000 times worse How much do Tennessee fans hate lane Kiffin? A LOT. I have yet to really wrap my head around the absurdity of Lane Kiffin. Not only did he make Urban Meyer look like the slightly better man, but he also made Al Davis look slightly sane. But, you know, if he wins with USC all this will go away, right? Didn’t John Elway look like a prima donna douche when he wouldn’t play for the Colts? That... Read More
Bring on les Belges
I have commented in the past on how the Australian Open is among the least bally-hooed majors in professional sports, but I, for one, am enjoying its return. For one, the late night live action provides an outlet for my night-hawk television viewing. There is nothing like settling in at 1 or 2 AM to catch a rousing match on the bright blue courts of Melbourne. Look at that beaut of a court. Second, I am mad excited by the resurgence of the Belgian... Read More
In case yr bored
Yes, I kinda want him to win the Super Bowl
Uh Oh, here he comes.
Where Are They Now?: God Shammgod
God Shammgod was one of my favorite college players when I was in middle school and early high school. The reason: his name was God. Now, I know there are probably worse names out there: Adolf, Fart Breath, Barfasaurus Rex, and others. But God is pretty dramatic. It spans religions and just screams authority. While the father figure in Johnny Cash’s “A Boy Named Sue” gives his kid a girl’s name to make sure he “got... Read More
Best Name in the NCAA
Is there a better name than Dallas Lauderdal? Not a chance. Blowing Butterfly Kisses to the Adoring Masses It’s like Patrick Duffy doing blow with old people. Pure energy. Please Dallas, go to the NBA, play on the Blazers, and be in the league for a long time. I'll kill you family for blow, old man. Read More
NBA’s East Still a Whipping Boy
This year showcases once again the overall wretchedness of the NBA’s Eastern Conference. Early in the season, I and everyone else in the sports world predicted that there are only 4 teams in the East that have any relevance: Atlanta, Boston, Orlando and Cleveland. It is not shocking, therefore, that these 4 teams are the only Eastern Conference teams above .500. It is rather appalling, though, that the other 11 teams are so bad. Yes,... Read More
Odd man out?
It’s beginning to smell a lot like the Patriots down in K.C. Not only did Scott Pioli bring Cassel and Vrabel over with him from the Patriots during his first year, he has now brought in former Patriot offensive (Weis) and defensive (Crennel) coordinators. The question I have is: What is head coach Todd Haley to do? How much control is he reasonably going to have? Is Pioli running the show from the front office while Weis/Crennel call the plays?... Read More
Lane Petrino…er… Kiffin to USC
Lane Kiffin was really excited about rebuilding the traditions at Tennessee– so excited that he is now one and done there and headed back to LaLa Land to take the vacated USC job. It seems fitting that he is headed to a program that seems sure to face NCAA sanctions in the near future, because he will undoubtedly add to them while there. Thx, Lane, for all your work as interim coach at UT. You’re a real class act. Now we have to... Read More
Shaq loves all the Baldwins
Hall of Fame to Get Crowded
Kurt Warner put on yet another passing clinic today. In a game where he basically had to be perfect in order for his no-defense-having-team to win, he missed only 4 of 33 passes and threw for 300+ and 5 TDs. Pretty good stuff. This guy has to be a first ballot HOFer. His numbers per year are ridiculous, and his efficiency (aside from that run of fumbles there for a couple years) is unparalleled. We’ll just gave to wait for the lag... Read More
Can Carroll Save the Shithawks?
Probably not. They’re in a bad way these days. Crappy defense; decent-ish O-line combined with porcelin-fragile quarterback and sub-par running backs. They also have some dope-rageous receivers in Nate “the great” Burleson and T.J. Houshmanzadeh. Their defense, well, it’s not too awesome. So I guess we can say that the Hawks have potential. Maybe, just maybe, with the proper guidance they could put together a decent... Read More
ESPN Will 3-Dstroy You
I feel like I should’ve expected it, but this comes as a surprise: ESPN is launching a 3-D network, beginning June 11 with the South Africa/Mexico World Cup game. I guess since it’s the new way for movies to try to compete with HD television, TV now gets to fight back by 3-Ding itself. I’m of many minds on this. In cinema, I don’t much care for 3-D. I’ve only had two theatrical experiences with that elusive third dimension (Captain Eo and... Read More
Vernon Davis + Curling = Pretty Cool
Curling just got cooler Vernon Davis as honorary captain of the U.S. Curling team?!?!? Pretty fucking cool. Read More
Agent-Zero-Common-Sense
Gilbert Arenas is an idiot. Hope this little dance was worth about 10 milli or so to you, Gil. Dumbass. Read More
Fuck yeah
More Cowbell
Repeat Offenders
Oh man, that game was hard to watch. I think I got more than 72 yards of total offense sitting on the couch. Hello! Well, the NFL playoffs start on Saturday and I’m pretty excited. Now that FF is over, I can now stop worrying about individual players and can root for teams. Right now I am in for the Eagles, but really just want to see some well played games. This is also the first time in a long time that I wouldn’t mind if either #1 seed... Read More
Nostrapossumus’ New Year’s Resolutions and Predictions!
After a rather extended holiday trip home to carouse with family, the Possum is back on the beat, and he is primed with some resolutions and predictions for the first year of the new decade. Enjoy… Here's me speaking to my nephew, Heroditus. Resolution: I will strive to more assiduously sift through the visions of time and space that come to me. (Doc Hollywood insists that a few of my predictions have been wrong, but he fails to understand... Read More
Forgiveness is the first step
Write this 1,00 times on a board and you can get your brand sponsorships back. Oh, the social logic of brand sponsorship! Apparently Tiger Woods is going to rehab for pain killer and, of course, no shocker here, sex addiction. According to a link that linked to another link that came from a source that was close to another source: “The source also says that rehab was Woods’ handlers’ idea, because ‘they feel that if he blames... Read More
Things I Learned Today
It costs $10,000 for an NBA franchise to formally protest a game result. Why? Read More
Stickin’ up for Moss
Randy sees Joe Buck in the stands, is not happy Randy Moss sure takes a lot of flak. A lot of people lately have been calling him a “quitter,” which seems to be a dominant trope of Randy Moss’ career. But Greg Cosell has a different take. I wonder how many talking heads on ESPN (or otherwise) actually watch the games they talk about and, furthermore, how many people actually go back and look at tape? Hmm, just curious. Read More
Doc Hollywood’s Best of 2009
Doc is wondering how strange it is that you see Julie Warner's boobs a lot in PG-13 rated 'Doc Hollywood.' A few fond memories: I will never complain about aches and pains again. This guy could beat me up and steal my lunch money. Playing rugby against 40-year olds when you are 82? Fer real (or at least I hope it is!). Also, the Detroit Lions beat the Washington Redskins to end a 19 game losing streak. For whatever reason, I like the... Read More
T-Willikers’ Top 10 of 2009
The T speaketh: Ken Griffey Jr.’s return to Seattle Ok, this is a largely symbolic move. Griffey’s certainly not what he once was. But he made some decent contributions and gave a much needed shot of life to a team that is continually on the downswing. I saw him play this summer when I was in Seattle and realized that I had seen him play there in three different decades. I’d be fucking thrilled to be able to say I saw him play in four of... Read More
May luck be on your side tonight
ESPN’s 30 for 30: The U
So, the little I have seen of the 30 for 30 series (ESPN celebrating their existence) hasn’t been great (dime a dozen Documentary 101 cannon fodder). That being said, the subject matter of the U (a history of 80s-90s University of Miami football) rose above the limitations of the format. Chalk full of interesting people and Miami Bass music, how could anyone destroy it? (For instance, James Toback tries to hack his way into a documentary on... Read More
Tigergate can’t get much worse than this
Ground Possum’s Best of 2009
Follow Ground Possum as he descends into the madness of 2009: 10. Tiger Woods. Not for the sex thing– for losing his perfect-when-leading-after-54-holes record in majors. To YE Yang. YE Yang. Perhaps this was an indicator of something larger at play with Tiger? Or, did he just have a bad day? Either way, major news. 9. Something happened in baseball, I’m sure. Oh yeah, Yanks win 27th. Guess that’s big. 8. Lakers edge past... Read More
Cutest Thing Ever
Seamus’ Best of 2009
Over the course of December the dudes at TDGP will be sharing their “Best of” moments for 2009. If you are lucky we will also put together a “Best of the 2000s” for you. One can dream. Anyway, on to Seamus: This has been a pretty uneventful sports year. Some teams I hate won championships (Lakers, Yankees); golf was kinda boring and ESPN canned fantasy golf; I don’t get Vs. so it’s hard to really follow hockey.... Read More
Poor Oden
I’ll admit it, honey. I wanted the Blazers to draft Kevin “Velvet Hoop” Durant. But I didn’t want you to blow it, and definitely not in this way. In the midst of fracturing something. A femur? A Wiener? Maybe we can eventually trade you for the guy who played Vakidis in Semi-Pro I feel like spraypainting “Bullshit” on the wall of a baby’s room. Read More
If Seamus Will Excuse Me…
I am going to take a minute to speak on the whole Woods fiasco. I want to do so from a personal perspective, enacting a kind of auto-ethnography of my feelings on the topic. I think the biggest thing for me is being able to watch Tiger on TV. That may seem rather silly, but his beating the balls off of every newcomer is one of the reasons I like watching golf (especially without fantasy golf – thank you very much, ESPN). I have to admit... Read More
I’m Rick Reilly, And I Don’t Have To Write About Sports If I Don’t Want To
I don’t want to spend too much time on this, but since the whole Tiger Woods scandal broke, Reilly’s written roughly 8,320,305,384.2305 pieces about it. They’re pretty much all the same (some confused amalgam of “Tiger doesn’t owe us an apology, but he kind of does, and he deserves this treatment, but he kind of doesn’t”), except his new one, a seven-step program for Tiger to rehabilitate his public image,... Read More
Someone’s gotta save golf
“As one golf star falls, another rises.” Read More
Laying down the boom
Tiger as Victim
This skit on SNL really bothered me last night. Elin as crazy and controlling? Tiger as amiable and forgivable? It certainly seems that the identification here is with Tiger and not the reserved, “mysterious” Elin Woods. Clearly we don’t know the whole story (should we?!?!?), but it seems like Tiger brought this scrutiny on himself with his behavior. Shouldn’t he be the bad guy? Maybe it would have been funny if Tiger had... Read More
LOL
I’ve seen this commercial enough to start getting the lolz. In the future, will advertising be sophisticated, targeted, and on-the-fly enough to pull/rework advertising when, for example, the main subject of the advertising is not being “unstoppable”? Could, for example, they paste Peyton’s head on Eli’s body so the “unstoppable” message makes sense? One would think so, but then again I get geeked by forecasting... Read More
“I will wear you out…”
Awesome
Explained here. Still funny to watch. Read More
Spotlight: NO MAS
So, my friend Lula sent me this video: It is really wonderful in all regards. Dock Ellis is super-engaging and I really enjoy the animation. It’s also apparently true . . . well, the claim that he threw a no-hitter in 1970 while on LSD is true. Did he? Who knows. He sounds like a real interesting fella (played for the Mets! in 1979 and also beaned every batter he faced during a game to “make a point” to a teammate). Whatever the... Read More
OMG! Possum’s Favorite Things!
Gaining inspiration from Oprah, the Possum is proud to present his favorite things from the sports world. And, man, the first “Things” list is a real beaut! 1) Gotta start with Tiger. I do not find it in any way surprising that an ego-maniac who was trained from day one to believe that he was invincible is now embroiled in an infidelity scandal. I would not be surprised if there are 15 more ladies out there, writing to break their... Read More
Computer-generated Awesomeness
Need further proof that the locus of power in the world no longer sits solely in the United States? I offer you this: Computer-generated recreation of the “Tiger-Elin” incident? YES. Amazing? YES. Of note: Tiger’s van. Does Tiger drive a van-looking automobile? Also, Tiger’s outfit is pretty cool. Read More
Tiger Woods Fun Fact of the Day
I only want to be with you. Fun Fact: Hootie & the Blowfish played at Tiger Woods’ wedding. Read More
National Favre League
Who can argue that Brett Favre is one of the leaders in the NFL MVP race? Sure, a lot of other QBs are getting a ton of pub, and for good reason. Manning and Brees are undefeated, and Tom Brady is still in-arguably one of the most important players in the league to his team. But we all know that MVPs are as much built upon the backs of press stories as play, so can Favre’s story of redemption be overcome by other players? This is about... Read More
Democracy in Action
Ground Possum recently lamented the excessive number of bowls in college football. I am of two minds on this one: it’s certainly absurd that way more than half of the FBS teams get a bowl bid, but it’s nice to have a football game available whenever you want one during the holiday season. It’s also nice to have at least one sports tradition that can no longer make any real claim to tradition. Everything’s so blatantly sponsored,... Read More
A New PED
Ok, this is kind of old news, but we’ve been down for a bit and I feel compelled to mention it. As most know by now, a tennis player who I actually think is pretty cool named Andre Agassi recently published a revealing autobography in which he confesses to doing enough meth to give King Kong an erection for more than four hours (call the doc, baby!). He also talk about how he hates his Dad and reveals other juicy tidbits. But the meth... Read More
Oh, the intrigue!
Just watching the veneer peel away. First he was in “serious” condition, then he was fine, with “minor injuries.” Then his wife was a hero for saving him from his car. Now this. This shit just keeps getting better and better. That’s life under the microscope. . . Read More
Happy T-Day!
More important, the turkey or the football? The guys at TDGP want to wish everyone out there a Happy Thanksgiving! Tell someone you love that you love them. Watch the Macy’s Day Parade and try to count all the promotional spots. (I just saw Rashia Jones from Parks & Recreation. She is hot.) Fall asleep in front of some football. (Go Lions!!! Go Raiders!!!) Give it up for Kevin Smith today, he is starting for Doc Hollywood's FF team. Read More
Adios?
A.I., You are one stubborn sonuvabitch, but I’m gonna miss you. You were really fun to watch and could score like a muthafucka. Hopefully you are too stubborn to stay “retired.” But, if you come back, go to a contender this time. Luv, Doc Read More
To Tebow or not to Tebow? Is it even a question?
Whom to believe: Captain Helmet Head or Captain God Squad? Will Tim Tebow be a relevant NFL QB in the future? Jimmy Johnson, owner of rock hard hair and two Super Bowl rings, says there’s no way Tebow can play in a “pro-style offense.” However, Tony Dungy, former Super Bowl winning coach who routinely challenges the Pope as God’s #1 emissary on our Earthly plane, says he would draft Tebow over any other QB in the draft. These... Read More
A Bowl Full of Mush
As the NCAA football regular season begins to wind down, fans are supposed to be gearing up for the bowl season. However, is it easy to do so when 68 teams are going to a bowl? That’s 34 bowls, people. Can one get jazzed when practically all the D-I schools with winning records are going to a bowl? Wait, let me amend that. Recently, a winning record is not even necessary. Tons of 6-6 teams get in, as well. (cf. Colorado St, Kentucky,... Read More
Welcome to the new, improved TDGP!
Welcome to the new and improved thedwightgoodenposter.com! We’ve finally made it to the big leagues with our own domain name. A few things have changed, but much has stayed the same. Well, look around and find something you like! Don’t be bashful about commenting or emailing us at thedwightgoodenposter@gmail.com. Enjoy! Also, happy birthday to T-Willikers! Read More
I was kinda waiting for the hair piece to fly off
Hey Media: It Was Week 10!
Can I take a moment to ask the media to shut the fuck up about the Patriots going for it on 4th and 2? They’ve brought in metrics guys, statisticians, and any manner of ‘experts’ they can find to analyze the balls off a play that determined a week 10 game between teams that are just going to meet again in the playoffs– WHEN IT MATTERS. Sure, the Colts were undefeated, the Pats had the game seemingly on lockdown, and the... Read More
Nostrapossumus Sees Some More…
First, I would like to point out that Michelle Wie has won her first LPGA event, making Nostrapossumus’ prediction about her ring true– if the LPGA can keep enough events on the schedule for her career to play out. Also, Ray Rice is surpassing even the Possum’s predicted numbers, becoming one of the NFL’s most impressive weapons. The Dolphins, likewise, are verifying predictions, as they struggle to match the magic of last... Read More
New Favorite Owner?
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FTxHuUGG_2c&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en_US&feature=player_embedded&fs=1] Read More
The Buck Stops in Bloomington, IN
Joe Buck on stage with interviewer (aka Softball) Last week the School of Journalism brought Joe Buck in to talk about a lot of issues including: Joe Buck, Jack Buck, Joe Buck, Jack Buck, the “evils” of internet journalism, how he is his “mother’s son” (but only really talked about his father during the whole interview), Tim McCarver, et cetera. Well, Doc Hollywood, Ground Possum, and Seams McGee decided to mosey on over... Read More
Is The Captain Taking Over The NFL?
How is it that both of my Fantasy Football TEs are fans of the Captain? I’m not exactly sure why, but this story kind of amazes me. It appears that Brent Celek got a little bit of the Captain in him when he struck the Captain Morgan pose after scoring a TD. The best part is that he did it as part of a guerilla marketing campaign where Captain Morgan donates money to the Gridiron Greats Assistance Fund every time a player scores a TD and strikes... Read More
Uh, He Good.
Hey ya'll! In a couple years I am going to escape the stupid minimum age requirement, head over to Lottomatica Roma to learn the craft of basketball, and then shock analysts by throwing it down for the Bucks. Whaaaaaaa? Read More
Poster to Bask in the Light of Buck
Members of The Dwight Gooden Poster go tomorrow to see what there is to see from Joe Buck. He is giving a free speech, and we seek to determine if we have misjudged him all these years. Faithful readers should look for a barrage of posts regarding his talk. We cannot promise that they will be glowing reviews… How can we not like this guy? I mean, come on! Read More
Creepy!
They ‘fraid
They have a blue field. Does any major conference team out there want to play Boise St in 2011? Apparently not. Once again BSU is being black-balled by the BCS and major conference teams too afraid to play them. They are undefeated (in an admittedly weak conference) and beat their only legit opponent (Oregon, who is really good). This year they keep sliding in the BCS standings and will probably not get to humiliate another major conference team like... Read More
The Answer? Nay. The Problem.
Did Memphis think AI would solve any of their problems? Really?!?!? Question? Why would the Griz even think about AI? Why? Well, the media attention, of course! But you can only sell so many tickets when your team really, really sucks. Read More
Bob Sanders, held together by duct tape
Makes the Colts better. . . when he plays Déjà vu? Bob Sanders was put on IR by the Colts, ending his season. I have only been an Indiana resident since 2004, but it seems that I have played more games than Bob Sanders: 6 games (2004-5), 14 games (2005-6), 4 games (2006-7), 15 games (2007-8), 6 games (2008-9), 2 games (2009-10). Man, that guy gets injured a lot. The saddest part is that he’s a pretty good player. I am no football expert and... Read More
FX presents ‘The League’
Whites dudes, requisite girl So, I just watched this new show, The League, on Hulu (you will need to sign in to watch it because, like a lot of FX stuff, it is MA only). It was okay (somewhere between ‘good’ and ‘meh’), but I found myself drawn in as I related the show to my own fantasy football experiences. See, a couple of the dudes at TDGP, all of them actually, play in a 14 team FF league: The Bay Kelley Appreciation Society... Read More
I Am Proud to Hate the Yankees
Ground Possum asks: why do we hate the Yankees? He’s right that dynasties tend to attract haters: Jordan Bulls, Brady Patriots, Kobe Lakers, Notre Dame (the same phenomenon seems to happen in individual sports to some degree; witness the legions of Tiger and Federer haters). I don’t know who hated Magic or Bird (other than fans of direct rivals), but he has a point. On the other hand, there seems to be no hate like Yankee hate. Yes, I... Read More
Bittersweet Award
I am the only cool thing about the Yankmes. As a Mets fan, I file this World Series under ‘Worst Possible Scenario.’ Evil Empire v. Team Arrogant Asshats. Not a lot of fun. I was actually hoping some rogue (Sarah Palin?) country would fire off nuclear missiles, effectively suspending this tragedy of a series indefinitely. All that said, I am actually really happy that mad genius and porn connoisseur Hideki Matsui won the MVP award. It... Read More
‘Gamesmanship’: Part of the Game?
Someone like Rick Reilly might point out that you cannot spell “gamesmanship” without “game.” In doing so, he would inadvertently point to a serious consideration: whether sports governing bodies should seek to invert the relationship Reilly rhetorically identifies. That is, should they legislate their products in such a way as to regulate or even eliminate gamesmanship– to take the “gamesmanship” out of... Read More
Really?!?!?
Not quite sure what to make of this one. ‘Bout to get my hater cap on. Yes, I did go to UF and, no, I don’t care much about college sports nor do I worship Tim Teblow. Anyway, raging psychopath Brandon Spikes is being suspended for a half of a game against Vanderbilt for attempting to gouge the eyes of Georgia running back Washaun Eale. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kDOy-RMIpF0&hl=en&fs=1&] Oh, how I wish penalties... Read More
Rick Reilly and the Premise of Doom
Ground Possum has already identified one of Reilly’s biggest problems as a columnist: dude just can’t resist annoying, irrelevant wordplay. In his latest ESPN.com column, a dick-sucking celebration of USC freshman quarterback Matt Barkley, we see two more of Rick’s crippling problems. The first, which is common to many (MANY) sports columnists, is the obsessive use of parallelism. Now, I have nothing against parallelism. It’s... Read More
Open
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDjH2RKdRAs&border=1&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1] I got tons more to say about this (why did he tell us about the meth??, why the USTA’s circle the wagons reaction to Agassi’s comments wuz lame, why the cover of his new book is cooler than Joe Schmo Sampras’ autobio cover, why Federer still sucks, etc) which I will save after I... Read More
Hatin’ On ‘Em: To Be a Yankee Fan?
Recently, I have encountered a groundswell of vitriolic opinions concerning the NY Yankees. Now, as they sit on the door-step of their 27th championship, they are the primary target of many pundits who discount their accomplishments and call them any number of wicked, wicked names. I seek to understand why. Oh, sure, I get that the Yankees spend way more money than other teams (though Boston and a couple of others are quickly gaining); and sure,... Read More
I hate the Phillies
they suck, they love cake farts. Read More
Reilly The Great
Do yourself a favor and stay away from this page . Actually, maybe you should go so that you get what I’m about to write. The page is Rick Reilly’s “Go Fish,” a collection of supposedly “random mind dumps” from ESPN’s now-ubiquitous sports “reporter.” I’d say that “they got the ‘dumps’ part right,” but I suspect that is where Reilly would have us go, and I refuse... Read More
Seriously Guys. . .
Seriously, seriously, college sports are all about the love of the game. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SUtW3rOkz4&hl=en&fs=1&] Read More
Uh Oh
No Antwan, More Cry? Is the Bengal’s promising start to the season about to evaporate? Read More
sell⋅out /ˈsɛlˌaʊt/ -noun: An event for which all the tickets are sold.
According to this, the Cincinnati Bengals have sold out 46 straight home games, regular season and playoffs, dating back to 2003. A careful parsing of the above definition must be necessary to bear this out–several TDGPers and I went to the Bengals/Washington game last year, and all the tickets may have been sold, but at most half of them were actually used. I know it’s common to inflate popularity by citing sales over actual attendance,... Read More
Story time with George Brett
For those of you who have ever wondered what it is that managers/coaches say to players as they weave through the myriad athletes engaged in pre-game warm ups, George Brett has been kind enough to share with TDGP a sample. Thanks to Bryan for finding this. Take it away, George: Read More
Buy the Numbers, NFL Edition
Here are some of the more interesting numbers from the National Football League this week: –Derek Anderson, QB for the Browns, was 2-17 for 23 yards, with one INT on Sunday. His QB rating was 15.1. The Browns won 6-3. –Miles Austin had 10 catches for 250 yards and 2 TDs. Last year in 12 games, Austin had 13 catches for 278 yards and 3 TDs. –Oakland QB Jamarcus Russell completed 8 of 13 passes for 100 yards. The 61.5% completion... Read More
Going to Carolina in my Mind…
As a native of SC, this story makes me strangely very happy: http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4545614. It seems like a very SC-type event. BTW, the town is pronounced (Byu-fert). The clincher to the story: the ball the man retieved, on further inspection, was not his own. The positive, though: his partners offered him a free drop because of his misfortune. No word yet on the score recorded on the hole. Read More
See Ya, Dez!
There are a lot of pundits like Rob Parker calling for the reinstatement of Oklahoma State WR Dez Bryant to the Cowboys football team, arguing that the NCAA was too harsh in their reaction to Bryant lying about a meeting with Deion Sanders at Sanders’ home. On ESPN’s First Take Thursday, Parker characterized the NCAA as an organization second only to the mafia in corruption, crookedness, etc. While he offered no evidence for this... Read More
I Wish Someone Could Do This Today
In the early days of baseball, people made a lot of errors. In 1890, a shortstop named Billy Shindle made 119 errors. They had small gloves, the fields were lumpy, and who knows, maybe the scorers were a bunch of assholes. My favorite err-er, however, is Hall of Famer Honus Wagner, he of the expensive baseball card and .327 career batting average. From 1905-1910, Wagner recorded error totals of 60, 51, 49, 50, 49, 52. It’s true that he mostly... Read More
Oh Fuck
Rush Limbaugh wants to co-own the Rams. You know how people say, “if you don’t like it, don’t listen to it”? Well how am I supposed to get away from this assfuck if he buys an NFL team? I want to think this will be sort of entertaining, but I’m pretty sure it would be all Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and no Paycheck. At least Glenn Beck is kinda funny with his manufactured hysteria and tears. Limbaugh will be the new Al... Read More
Pretty Cool.
http://www.edgeofsports.com/2009-10-05-459/index.html Read More
Just plain amazin’
http://mynorthwest.com/?nid=374&sid=218287 Read More
Rick Racist Reilly
Just read this and see how and why? I’ve avoided our criticisms of Reilly because I prefer to ignore him. But this article, me thinks, is particularly glaring. In other news, I can’t wait to get this book. We will include a special TDGP book review shortly after I check it out. How could it not be glowing? Read More
A Unique Opportunity
So, for all of our loyal readers out there, this blog may be moving soon, and the stuff I am about to post may not be traveling over to the new host. Therefore, I see a unique opportunity here to post an article I have been waiting years to share, but have felt may not be accepted by the starched-shirts in the front office. I give to you now my observational comedy take on the whacky world of sports: ‘So, John Kruk: what’s the deal... Read More
Quick Hits: Punching a Baby
That’s what mocking John Kruk feels like, but what the hell. This piece, which was published in real-live ESPN: The Overload Magazine, reads like somebody transcribed a bunch of semi-drunk dudes talking sports. I don’t want to go too in-depth (c’mon, it’s not like he’s Rick Reilly), so I’ll just pull out some choice quotes: “Which of the teams likely headed to the playoffs have the most to figure out in the... Read More
El Mariachi?
Apparently Delonte West spends the offseason searching for vengeance against those who have wronged him, all the while gently strumming la guitarra. Delonte, Antonio, and Enrique parole border towns, looking to bring the corrupt to justice and play some music too. Read More
Filling the Bill Mays Gap
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxZkaEge0R8&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1] Read More
It’s Ok, MJ
Much virtual ink hath recently been spillethed about Michael Jordan’s recent Hall of Fame induction speech and how much of a douche he was throughout it. He bitched at Dean Smith, bitched at his former high school coach for picking Leroy Smith over him (but no sign of Charlie Murphy in the crowd. boo!), and complained that he had to pay the way for his family to attend. Boner. Douche-hole. Wangface. But, I have to say that I was a bit refreshed... Read More
Cuz the Internet Made Me.
From the enjoyable: http://kanyegate.tumblr.com/ Read More
Federer’s Entourage.
Bush front man can't find time to pen new songs in between Federer tournaments. Above and beyond that fact that Roger Federer is a branded-image prima donna who tries to tell refs when and who can speak (“Don’t tell me to be quiet, OK? When I want to talk, I talk.”), he also has an uncommonly shitty entourage. In addition to Gavin Rossdale, former front man of Bush, and his wife who sings that B-A-N-A-N-A-S song, Fed also managed to score... Read More
The Weekend in Review
This past weekend was the biggest of the year so far. With the US Open, week one of the NFL, week two of NCAA football and the final event of the FedEx Cup before the Tour Championship, a lot was going on, and much of it note-worthy. Therefore, I present you here my notes on the weekend that was: 1) The US Open This weekend of the US Open was one of the more memorable ones since the epic Agassi-Sampras battles of yore. The biggest story of all... Read More
Da Curse Is Real.
One down, one to go? Watch out Fitzy, Polamalu already felt the pain. Read More
Biggest “Let’s Focus Too Much on the Foot Fault” at the U.S. Open: The Media
Could Tiny Kim beat Tiny Serena? It sounds crazee, but it happened. Good job media. Way to make it all about Serena and the line judge when what you should focus on the fact that Momma Clijsters is bringing it hardcore to the Women’s Tennis field, bringing it way back retirement styléeeeëê to fuck the shit out of the U.S. Open Women’s bracket. She played like 2 tournaments before the U.S. Open after coming out of “had a baby”... Read More
Biggest Dick (no longer) in the NBA: Michael Jordan
Hey dick, way to turn your HOF induction speech into a petty list of told-you-sos. Wow, your career must have been one long, bitter memory. I’m pretty sure Bryon Russell and Jeff Van Gundy loved getting shat on during your speech. Okay, the Isiah stuff was fine. That guy gives me the creeps. But all the rest of your speech was petty. Nice self-image dude. No, no I get it, you are one of the best ever but would rather highlight a few slights... Read More
Biggest Baby in the NFL: Richard Seymour
What? I can't get my way? Well, I'm gonna stay home and pout about it. Hey Richard, it’s Doc here. I just have one thing to say: Why don’t you suck it the fuck up and get on a fucking plane and fly your over-hyped, cry-baby ass to fucking Oakland and play with your new fucking team? I get it. The Raiders suck and you are leaving the “dynasty” Patriots. Filet Mignon to chopped liver, right? Well, quite a few people on... Read More
Football Heaven: Travy’s First Kentucky vs. Indiana Joke
Are you more surprised that: a: A high school football coach would send his players to a camp to get baptized b: A mother from Kentucky would be upset that her kid was baptized. The story is here and pretty interesting. Ok, not a great joke. But it was my first attempt. Read More
Ruminations
Sports Radio is for bigots…and guys with gruff voices. Seriously, the gruff-voice sports radio guy is a phenomenon unto itself. How often do you meet someone with this kind of voice in your daily life? Not too often. But more percentage of sports talk djs have the gruff voice than sorority girls with HPV (and I got this quote from Harpers’ Index). The conditions under which I would wear a Tom Brady “TB” logo hat or other... Read More
Streaming the U.S. Open, Pt. 2
Ahh, the zen of the empty court. Why do I love the internet? Where else can you watch an empty court between matches replete with ambient crowd noise? No where (other than being there). Read More
Giving Reilly the Old College Try
We here at TDGP have been pretty harsh on Rick Reilly and some other EPSN writers. We question the level of writing, thought and research that go into some of the pieces appearing on ESPN.com, and we make light of the inaccuracies, inconcistencies, and tones of the columns published by the “World’s Leader” in sports coverage. However, have we ever really stopped to consider the pressures these writers must be under: making deadlines,... Read More
Streaming the U.S. Open
Back like she never took any time off. Sometimes I wish I had cable channels back. I am one of the folks who gets most of their media flow from the internet (Hulu, Netflix, “other places”), although I do get some basic channels over the air (NBC, CBS, ABC, FOX, CW, and PBS in HD. Don’t pay extra for HD from a service provider when some of it is available for free). Mostly I don’t miss cable channels all that much. Really, there... Read More
United Airlines In-Flight Magazine Assaults Bored Passengers; Two Dead
In-flight magazines are not exactly the Michael Jordan of journalism, but the Jason Gay atrocity published in the August issue of United’s Hemispheres has to open the carrier up to some kind of criminal liability. “Wooden It Be Nice?” is not only the kind of boilerplate traditionalist drivel that Rick Reilly could spew in his sleep, it commits the additional crime of trying to make fun of its position while simultaneously holding... Read More
Meet the Safins: US Open Update
Marat Safin and his sister, Dinara Safina, seem to share some sort of self-destructive mania. They are quite a pair. Marat Safin, who rose to the height of the tennis world as a teen, capturing the 2000 US Open over Pete Sampras, just got plowed over in his last US Open, losing in straights in round one. His sister, currently ranked number one if the world (don’t ask me…) was just knocked out in the third round by world number no one,... Read More
Doc Ruined My Unveil…
A crude mock-up, but marketing is working on refining the look. Read More
As the Vomit Dribbles Out of My Mouth
Nostrapossumus Still Ridin’
A few months ago, I made some bold predictions that have/will surely pay off. First, Favre is back, and Calp is already in trouble at Kentucky– without even coaching there! In addition, Michelle Wie has had a 2nd, 2 3rds and a 4th place finish this season– she’s on her way to winning, and will have the respectable career I pre-saged. Finally, Tiger is having an all-time bad putting year– according to the Golf Channel,... Read More
Totally Diggin’ It
T-Willikers is Straight Back
That’s right. After sabbatical, T-nice is back in action. It’s almost like the second coming of Christ, only real. In any case, I didn’t come here to gloat or be nasty. I’m here to make a few sundry comments on the “state of sports” as we know it. You know how I do. So, dirty hip-hop in the background and can of Rainier in hand, I commence…Topic: The Northwest Today I was back in the Great Northwest... Read More
Reilley: Still Regrettable
So, I offered this bashing to Seamus, but he declined, wanted instead to focus on other invectives. So, here goes my tribute to Seamus and his incessant Rick Reilley hatred: As to a story written on August 19 entitled, “In Awe of the Williams Sisters“— First, the whole story is crafted upon a false assumption: that the Williams sisters do not get their due. Since when? Yeah, that’s just what I was thinking the other day:... Read More
Laver Arm?
For a good while, we at TDGP have loved to bandy around the term “Nadal arm” in reference to unbalanced things. If a table at a restaurant has one smaller leg and one larger leg that is clearly a replacement, one of us might quip, “Nadal arm, eh?” If a set of identical twins walks by, one a regular-looking guy, and the other a super-muscular monster, the latter could be labeled “Nadal arm.” Of course, our... Read More
Kicked While Down: The N.Y. Mets 2009 season
Mr. Met blew out his right knee while filling in for Carlos Delgado at First Base Seriously? Really? Is this even possible? Has this been the most injury plagued season in MLB history? To put the final nail in the coffin, Johan Santana finally made his way onto the Mets’ super popular injury list (starters/important players bolded): J. Santana SP Aug 21 15-day Bone chips, left elbow – out for season D. Wright 3B ... Read More
John Wayne Plays With Sports Metaphors, Amuses/Confuses Me
Wayne sports his vintage Winchester rifle which he is reputed to have used against the Culver City Comanche during the 1952 LA County Polo Intramural Tournament. Wayne's famed hatred for "Comanche" is actually born out of this fierce rivalry and not, as many have assumed, out of his white-hot disdain for Native Americans. In my extensive research of the UCLA Film and Television Archive I have encountered both the fantastic and the phantasmal. ... Read More
Fantasy Football is Making My Soul Hurt
The fantasy football draft is exactly one week away, and already, my psyche is finding the anticipation to be too much. I rolled over to look at the clock this morning and saw that I had an hour and a half left before I had to rise; but in that instant before I could drift back off, my mind wandered to whether I should upgrade Bernard Berrian’s stock based on Favre’s return, and here I sit, typing instead of sleeping. Oh mercy... My... Read More
Further Proof the Bengals are $$$ in 2009-2010.
Goooooooooooooooooooool! ” ‘Esteban’ Ochocinco is back, the most interesting footballer in the world,” Ochocinco said. “Everyone has to remember, I’ve always said that soccer is my No. 1 sport. I think Ronaldinho would be proud of me right now.” Read More
Possum’s On Fire; Calp Still Slimy.
The NCAA has just vacated Memphis’ 38-win ’07-’08 season as a result of a ton of violations. If you will recall, Nostrapossumus predicted NCAA violations in Calp’s first two years in Kentucky. Turns out, Calp got some before he has even stepped on the Lexington court. He has just become the first coach ever to have two seasons this successful vacated. Remember UMASS? Yeah, that was Calp, too. Way to raise the bar, John.... Read More
The Possum Sez: Belee Dat
Don’t question the Possum. Watch out, WNBA: your days are numbered. This is what I saw months ago... Read More
What a Great Day for Golf.
First Asian man to ever win a Major. Read More
Kickers Gone Wild
I am SO tired of talking about these crazy NFL kickers and their legal troubles… is there any group that has put a worse face on the game of football? Anyway, another kicker, the Saints’ Garrett Hartley, is in trouble with the NFL Law, after testing positive for a banned substance. The substance, Adderall, is supposed to help those who suffer for ADHD, but apparently, Hartley just wanted the amphetamine part to stay awake on a drive... Read More
The Daly News Report
I'm a Lost Soul, I am. For your consideration: John Daly – Lost Soul Also, to keep up-to-date: rome wasn’t built in a day–i’m a Daly & I’ll just keep poundin the rock! Read More
You’ve Been Arroyoed.
Tellin' it like it is since August 13, 2009. Excerpts from Arroyo’s treatise on PEDs in Baseball: “I can see where guys like Hank Aaron and some of the old-timers have a beef with it,” Arroyo says. “But as far as looking at Manny Ramirez like he’s (serial killer) Ted Bundy, you’re out of your mind. At the end of the day, you think anybody really (cares) whether Manny Ramirez’s kidneys fail and he dies... Read More
Top 10 Athletes Who Are Also Zombies
Pre- and Post-1997 Holyfield Fight. Ever wondered which of your favorite athletes are most likely to chomp on your flesh and nom nom on your brain? Unlike the vampire, who has mostly camped out on tennis and basketball courts, the zombie is fairly democratic in sport selection. Here you go, in no particular order: Jaromír Jágr. Currently in the top ten among players in NHL career goals, assists and points: First of all, dude looks freaky. Second,... Read More
Oh Ricky
At least there was never any question as to whether or not Pitino was sleazy. The white suit. Pitino calls it "the panty dropper" Read More
TDGP Rejoices: Powe to Cavs
TDGP hero (of everyone but Jimmie Paasche) Leon Powe has just inked a deal with the Cleveland Cavs, adding to their off-season moves that include picking up other TDGP fav (especially of Doc Hollywood) Shaq-Daddy. Looks like the East is heating up even more so. It also appears that Hollywood’s “LeBron will never win a championship” bet is in severe jeopardy. This up-coming NBA season is shaping up to be quite a barn-burner. It reminds... Read More
Bolt to Figure New Ways to Celebrate
With the World Track and Field Championships set to begin in Berlin this weekend, crest-fallen sprinter Usain Bolt has yet to figure out how he will celebrate his inevitable victories in the 100 M, 200 M and 4 x 100 M races. The IAAF (International Associations of Athletic Federations) has already sent the gold medals for these events to Bolt, leaving him in the awkward position of coming up with creative celebrations to spice up the already-decided... Read More
Top 10 Athletes Who Are Also Vampires
Vlade the Impaler's NBA reign of terror: 1989-2005. Ever wondered which of your favorite athletes might also be a vampire? Ever fretted about who you shouldn’t invite into your house? Or are you a fangbanger and really want to starfuck a vampire? Well, the boys at TDGP have complied a list for you, in no particular order (also, notice the apparent correlation between vampires, tennis, and basketball): Vlade Divac. Center for Lakers, Hornets,... Read More
Wolfmania.
Stiles approves of Stylez Um, yes. Um, fuck yes. Tampa Bay DE Gregory Alphonso White, Jr. transforms into Stylez G. White. A much better legal name change than Chad Ochocinco. And, yes, according to White, the inspiration for the change came from Jerry Levine’s character in Teen Wolf. Read More
Signs of the Apocalypse
I can hear the horsemen rumblin' 1- The many “false prophets” that will deceive many, The False Prophets are also mentioned during the Great Tribulation. 2- “Wars and rumors of wars.” 3- “Famines.” 4- “Earthquakes.” 5- “Persecutions and tortures to the elect”, The elect are the supposed true followers. 6- Lawlessness . . . “the love of many will grow cold.” 7- Ye shall see... Read More
Mike Freeman: Still an Idiot
A few months ago, I called out ESPN.com’s Mike Freeman as an idiot. Today, I returned to read another of his posts, and I stand by my initial contention. I find that among the best parts of Freeman’s posts, apart from the underlying arguments he slogs through in his column, are the opening lines. Someone somewhere must have told Freeman that you have to hook your readers with the opener, and god bless him if he doesn’t try; however,... Read More
(Extra) Hot Sauce in My Bag
Jimmypaasche returns from a long minor-league rehab assignment to pass this on. Mr. Jimmypaasche is putting the finishing touches on his soon to be clickable post, Top Ten Athletes who are also Vampires. In the meantime, here is Delonte West coming off the top of his dome, sure to make Cavalier fans feel like us Laker’s fans did when the Lamar Odom/Lollipop affair was manufactured to add some semblance of drama to a finals that was nowhere near... Read More
The Buick Open: RIP
Just a quick shout out to a tournament that has seen its last stroke. Buick is getting killed, along with the rest of the auto industry, and so, the tournament will be no more. A tournament that began as one of the hardest tests of golf, a brute of a long, hard course, ended its time on the PGA as a benign birdie-fest. Back when the course was so long and hard, designers shortened the course, and once technology advanced so far, the course became... Read More
New Technologies in Sports: Good or Bad?
At the swimming world championships in Rome last week, controversy erupted when Michael Phelps lost an individual race for the first time in 4 years. Phelps’ coach was very upset — upset, he said, not because his boy got beaten, but because the German swimmer who beat Phelps bettered his personal best by over 4 seconds, a ridiculously large improvement in so short a race (one whose world record is around 1:40). He also beat Phelps... Read More
Howard Bryant Is Parodying the PED Moral Panic
Or at least he’d better be. This column is unbelievable. Allow me to quote at length: Think for a moment about faith. Not about baseball or the media, about the union or management, the home and away teams, all the stuff that seems so important but in truth really amounts to nothing. Such surface concerns melt away with the years, like snowdrifts in April. You have to go deeper than that to understand the meaning of the New York Times report... Read More
Steroid Revelations
Today, another “leak” has led to the report that both Manny Ramirez and David Ortiz were on the infamous 2003 list of MLB steroid users. First, I am shocked and appalled! Say it ain’t so! Also, who has this “confidential list,” and do they just leave it sitting on their desk every two months or so so that some reporter can wander by and snipe a few names? MLB looks like a bumbling idiot with no credibility each... Read More
The Daly Show
"I haven't had a drink in a while," Daly said. If you have cable, you need to befriend me. The Golf Channel is doing another reality show about the life and times of John Daly. Pretty excited, am I. Read More
Boom-Shaq-alaka
Why did I miss this?? [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tUgyzag6fUM&hl=en&fs=1&] Read More
R.I.P. Jim
R.I.P. Jim. His defense could crush yours. Read More
NFL Preseason Rankings
Best Dance Ever Don Banks is an idiot. Patriots, Steelers at 1 and 2 in the CNN/SI preseason rankings? Really? Any educated man knows it goes a lil’ something like this: 1) Cincinnati Bengals 2) Oakland Raiders 3) Philadelphia Eagles 4) Pittsburgh Steelers 5) Houston Texans . . . 31) Cleveland Browns 32) New England Patriots Go Bengals and Raiders!! Read More
“I’m the greatest of all time. Thank you.”
He wants that base. He needs that base. Today, forevermore, shall be known as Rickey Henderson Day. For this is the day that he will be inducted into the MLB Hall of Fame. This is only natural since (I get chills just watching this, good chills): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3q1kcftSGug&hl=en&fs=1&] A career full of stolen bases and apocryphal stories (Rickey once asked a teammate how long it would take him to drive to the... Read More
Rick Reilly: Shame of a Nation
A few nights ago, some friends and I were having a barroom (well, bardeck) debate: what is the largest animal you could strangle to death? I could probably go bigger, but I couldn’t go more satisfying than Rick Reilly. In the past week, he’s provided two ridiculously stupid ESPN.com pieces for your reading agony. In the first, Reilly gives us his list of the top ten sports events you “must” see live. Never mind that you’d... Read More
“Who Cares?”: Least Revered Major Sports Championships
As I watched Sue Bird this morning trying to sell the WNBA All-Star game on Mike and Mike, I thought of how few people have any real interest in that game. Indeed, Nostrapossumus has already predicted the imminent demise of the WNBA, because, really, no one cares about that sport. As an off-shoot of these thoughts, I got to thinking about the major sports championships that get the least media and fan attention in these United States. Here... Read More
Coaching in the NBA
Mark's post-NBA career as an . . . announcer. Apparently, the Timberwolves are expected to begin interviewing finalists for their vacant head coach position. Here they are: -ABC-TV analyst and former NBA point guard Mark Jackson -Houston Rockets assistant Elston Turner -Los Angeles Lakers assistant Kurt Rambis -Portland Trail Blazers assistant Monty Williams One of these is not like the other, considering that Mark Jackson has no coaching experience... Read More
Really?
Once again we make a mountain out of a molehill. Why this was ever “confiscated” is beyond me. It is benign as benign can be. Read More
Mets Suck.
Me and Seamus for the rest of the year. Well, it’s official. My beloved, adored, cherished New York Mets suck. They are, for the first time, now 10 games behind the Phillies in the NL East. This season looked somewhat promising until Carlos Delgado, Jose Reyes, Carlos Beltran, John Maine, JJ Putz, and a litany of other players hit the DL for extended stays. No team could withstand that loss of core talent. The forces of nature, history, and... Read More
Further Proof: Bengal Resurgence
If he tells you to shape up, you do it. Earlier I asserted that the Bengals and the Raiders would make the playoffs. I casually tapped into the ether one day at my friend/FF enemy Bay’s house to make that prediction. He was in such dumbstruck disbelieve that he made me write and down and seal it in an envelope. Anyway, further proof that at least the Bengals are going to bring it next season. Apparently Denzel gave Ochocinco a talking to at... Read More
Shaq Vs.: Say It’s So!
Classier than you and got a bunch of fat kids in shape. I recently found that Shaq will be in a new reality show in the fall on ABC. Shaq Vs. will pit Shaq against other athletes–Serena Williams, Michael Phelps, Albert Pujols, etc–in their respective sport. He says that it is a novel way for him to get in shape in the off-season and after a billion years in the NBA, he probably needs to freshen the routine up. After the success of his last reality... Read More
Tippie-Toe: A Lot He Owe
The Associated Press has reported that once-mediocre scoring threat and now tippie-toed geriatric three-hoister Antoine Walker has been arrested for not making good on nearly one million dollars in gambling debts to 3 Las Vegas casinos. Here, in the prime of his career, Antione Walker celebrates with the old Urkel, "Did I do that?!" after hitting his 2nd three out of 14 tries. I like this story because it seems like a lot of athletes (memorably... Read More
Bounty Hunt
So, word on the street is that some knucklehead tried to make a naked video of Erin Andrews. Not cool. We’re outraged here at TDGP. Outraged. So we are offering a reward of a 1994 Ford Escort LX wagon and a mix of slow-jams from the upcoming Fry Party IV: The Reckoning. We have already hired Dog the Bounty Hunter, Veronica Mars, and Angela Lansbury. Read More
If Tom Watson Wins, I’m Done With Golf
So if you follow golf you’ve noticed: Tom Watson is leading The British Open by one stroke after three rounds. At the ripe old age of 59, he’s the oldest feller to lead a PGA major after any round since WWII. Great. That’s really what this sport needs. Tiger Woods decided to throw a big boner and miss the cut, so why not have some fuckwit who’s won this tournament five times but not since 1983 take the Claret Jug? Good times.... Read More
Air Canada, Part Deux
I just read a story that has my spidey sense tingling: this one. If you are too lazy to go to the link and read it, ESPN reports that Texas Tech great and NCAA all-time touchdown passing leader Graham Harrell is set to join the CFL’s Saskatchewan team, the Roughriders. DMX reacts jubilantly to the news that Harrell will soon join the Rough Riders. First, I am glad to see that someone is giving the guy a chance. Sure, he was a product of... Read More
Is Matt Cassel Worth 63 Million?
I wonder…. but don’t really think so. I’d like to see him prove me wrong. If he does, I’ll be waiting for the Disney movie. But who shall play the beloved underdog? Keanu? Dennis Quaid? Coster, perhaps? Bakula? Yes, Bakula. Ok, Sam. You're a career back-up responsible for turning around a franchise Read More
Crying in Sports Redux
In touch with his spiritual side THE_REAL_SHAQ: Ive been alotta place but being at the shaolin temple n china has brouhht a tear to my eye buddha blessed Read More
TDGP Prayer Vigil: Erin Andrews
Whoa! Whoa! Keep those balls out of my face. As if my beloved New York Mets were not bad enough this year. As if they could do more damage to my psyche and the sports world in general. Now, Alex Cora, backup SS forced into everyday duty by Jose Reyes’ injury, has gone and hit Erin Andrews in the face last night with a foul ball. The TDGP was up all last night praying, hitting the phones, gathering the info, cursing the Mets, and asking, “Why,... Read More
If a Dunk is Dunked on a Court and Nike Confiscates the Tape, is it Still a Dunk?
This is a pretty big story the last couple of days so I imagine that everyone has some mild familiarity with former IU baller Jordan Crawford recently dunking over LeBron James at the King’s “Skills Academy” in Akron, OH. I don’t have a ton to say about it. ESPN covered it with characteristic aplomb here. I apologize to America for including footage of Skip Bayliss on the blog. Bone to the max who starts shaking whenever... Read More
Nasty Time: San Antonio Spurs
I just signed with the Spurs! For Real! As Mos Def says in Twilite Speedball and as Doc Hollywood and Travis echo in everyday Bloomington life: The San Antonio Spurs have gone NASTY TIME on the rest of the NBA this off-season. Can anyone front on adding Richard Jefferson, Antonio McDyess, and *super steal* Dejuan Blair to the Spurs this year? It almost seems like it is their time again, since they like to take a year or two off between championships.... Read More
Favorite Sports Headline Today
White Sox looking for Colon Guess these guys don’t have the heads up their asses? Eh? Amiright? Can I get a what what? Butt seriously, folks, I know their pain. I too was looking for colon…in prison! Zing! No, but let’s be real. Real Real. I too wondered where my colon went. After eating Taco Bell. Wham! I mean these guys are on a virtual colonoscopy. Wamp wamp! Read More
Breaking News: Erin Andrews Loves Bog Snorkelling
Yes, bog snorkelling. This just in, courtesy of the Doc Hollywood Beat, Erin Andrews is a confirmed fan of bog snorkelling. Growing weary of traditional sports sideline reporting, Andrews admits to loving the simplicity of watching two competitors wearing snorkels and flippers compete in water-filled trenches cut thorough a peat bog using only flipper power. Deep down she wishes this ding-a-ling had flippers and a snorkel on. Read More
Shocking End to Estonia’s Reign
I think this guy has his wife on his back. Well, the annual International Wife-carrying competition is over and Finland has finally usurped Estonia’s reign on top. Held in Sonkajärvi, Finland, this competition is pretty straight forward: The objective is for the male to carry the female through a special obstacle track in the fastest time. Apparently based on local Finnish legend stretching back to the 1800s about a local thug, Herkko Rosvo-Ronkainen,... Read More
RIP Steve
Hey, Who’s a Shitbag?
So Jayson Stark sez we should boo Mr. Manny wherever we go. Regardless of whether we root for him or the team he plays for, we should try to destroy him. Because baseball is ABOUT SOMETHING. Baseball is IMPORTANT. Baseball MATTERS. Not like pro wrestling. That shit is bunk. That shit destroys America. But baseball, fuck yeah right. That counts. That makes us better people. That is the moral good. WWE? Hitler, folks. Hell, Mike “I never did nothin’... Read More
Sports Journalism Needs an Enema
D.J. Byrd is your typical Indiana dude. Unfortunately for him he's getting covered by a typically poor sports journalist. I’m quite familiar with the sports coverage of Indianapolis’s major newspaper, the Star. You can sometimes catch their featured writer Bob Kravitz on PTI. If I had to identify the collective body of work to flow out of those keyboards, I’d call it “forgettabley bloggish writing tinged with attempted... Read More
Meditation on Profound Patriotism
The most patriotic fan for the least patriotic sport. As the Fourth of July weekend rapidly approaches, it causes me to once again reflect on the core American value of patriotism. What is patriotism? Is it dissent? Is it devotion? Is it, as President Bush said, the ability to shop? Or, is it, as I suspect, a good reason to get together, play some lawn sports and BBQ! To grill or not to grill? That is the question. Fuck yeah it is. What is more patriotic... Read More
TDGP Round Table: Crying in Sports
Cried because he was no long #1, awwww so sad. Today we are rolling out our new feature, the Round Table. Ever read a post by Rawley and wish Ground Possum had something to say? Well, this forum feeds that desire and hopefully whets you for more. It will give you, the readers, a topic of utmost importance and a range of TDGP voices on the issue at hand. Our first installment will be about crying in sports, originally suggested by Rawley. Athletes... Read More
Big Spender Watch: Detroit Pistons
Could this guy get any classier? NO. These days it seems a tad ironic to call anything in Detroit “flush,” but that is just what the Detroit Pistons are with over $20 million in cap space coming into the off-season in the increasingly competitive Eastern Conference (is there any disparity left between East and West??). What seemed like a bust a year ago–unloading Chauncy Billups for team destroyer Iverson, a playing time fiasco, a first... Read More
Whitewash: The Indiana Pacers
Yesterday, on his national radio program, Dan Patrick was talking NBA with former Pacers great Reggie Miller. After discussing the many moves made by the top three in the Eastern Conference (all making the East perhaps more intriguing than the West next season) Patrick turned to the recent draft to ask Miller who he thought would make the most immediate impact. Both agreed that Spain’s young phenom, Ricky Rubio, was as much hype as talent,... Read More
Homework Assignment
For all you folks who missed this when Seamus and I screened it, here is a link to Rob Perri’s majestic I’m Keith Hernandez. Warning to those in submarines: your head will definitely explode if you mix this film with the high pressures of being underwater. Please do not watch until you reach the surface. Read More
Confederations Cup: Q&A with Tony Meola
Former U.S. Team keeper Tony Meola stopped by TDGP Studios today to answer a few questions about Team USA’s surprising performance in the Confederations Cup, in which they lost in “heartbreaking” 3-2 fashion to Brazil. Listed below are excerpts of Meola’s conversation with Travis: Q: Was anyone surprised that the U.S. dropped three goals to Brazil during the second half in yesterday’s Confederations Cup final? A: No one... Read More
Yaozers.
Try, try as they might, the Rocket(s) just wouldn't take off. Seems like it might be time to call it a wrap on this team. To blow up or not to blow up, that is the question. Read More
The Poster Gets a New Host?
Doc Hollywood has informed the Possum that our venerable site may move to a new host to accommodate our massive audience and whatnot. The move will be accompanied by a new format to make the site even more awesome (if that is, indeed, possible). We can have separate modules that better archive our posts and categorize content for readers. Above: TDGP's move to capitalize on merchandizing sends them to Jo-Ann Fabric. The "Old Dudes"... Read More
Van Gundy Sighting?
Stumbled across this wilst walking the streets of Hanover, New Hampshire: Van Gundy peddles his wares amongst the relative anonymity of over-educated New Englanders. Following the well documented debacle that was the NBA Finals, it would appear that TDGP’s favorite punching bag has taken to the road. While I cannot speak personally to the magic show, I’m confident he will bring his famous “Vanishing Championship” trick to... Read More
Superstars: When Divas Collide
Modesty personified. I’m sure many of you have already seen this. But, I’m reposting this for posterity’s sake. How many people in the world can make T.O. look like the good guy? Answer? One. Self-styled “Sexist Top Model in the World,” Joanna Krupa appears to really lay in to T.O. for no reason on this nonsensical reality show that pairs John Saunders with retired athletes and a couple supermodels as they compete for... Read More
Nostrapossumus on the NBA Draft/Trades
Nostrapossumus has read Doc Hollywood’s take on the draft and NBA trades, and will now give the real analysis of said. First, as to the draft: 1) Blake Griffin will perform well in LA, but it will not matter. Griffin is a physical specimen, and because of the relative lack of talent in the Clippers camp, he will, at least once he develops some sort of jump shot, do well in La-La land. However, as we saw when the Clip got Elton Brand a few... Read More
Also:
Where were all the NBA Draft day disaster outfits? Do they all have fashion consultants now? Shame, shame. Defining an era. Actually, the more I look at this, the more I dig it. Read More
NBA Trade Analysis: Vince Carter (and some draft analysis)
This post isn't about me, but I am one cool ass dude. The NBA Draft was last night. So many European players were drafted that I thought I was watching a Soccer Draft. There were some odd picks that make you wonder what is going through GMs’ minds on draft night. Don’t you guys have the most sophisticated scouting apparatus in the world? Don’t you have every conceivable metric known to man to analyze these players? Why, then,... Read More
Summer Reading #6 Moneyball (The Screenplay)
So, aside from Shaq’s impending move out east (fyi: we are planning a TDGP pilgrimage to Indianapolis when the Cavs come to play the Pacers. Everyone’s ‘vited, baby) and Jacko’s sudden passing, there is some other news rumbling in the pop-sports stratosphere these days. As many of ya’ll know, Stephen Soderbergh’s Moneyball project potentially featuring the dreamiest of dreamies, Brad Pitt, has been put on hold... Read More
It’s Happening
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Jztd_HsPY&hl=en&fs=1&] Read More
One More from Roger…
"Kali Ma! KALI MA!!!" Read More
Upcoming Summer Reading: “Federer: The Man in Pictures”
On the heels of winning his 14th major, and owing to the popularity of images featuring his lifestyle, Roger Federer is in the process of completing a book entitled “Federer: The Man in Pictures.” The book is a collection of the more iconic photographs taken of Federer in the last few years, each with a caption from Federer himself. The all-time great says he will do his best to replicate, in his own voice, the thoughts he had at the... Read More
Summer Reading, Part 5: Jay Feely’s Twitter
Had a "good time" on the Hannity show. I’m not quite sure how I got here, but I’m sure glad I did! Where is here? Well, it’s Jay Feely’s Twitter account. Reading this has been a sheer delight and raises the question: What is up with Conservative Christian NFL place kicking authors? You know, that book by place kicker Jason Elam about football. . . uh, and terrorism. I mean, we already have Jason Elam in the mix with... Read More
New Sports Band
There’s a new sports rock crew on the scene according to ESPN.com. This one’s a metal band called Reign Free, which is composed of three Dallas Cowboys linemen: Leonard Davis, Marc Colombo, and Cory Proctor. Apparently, they are the heaviest heavy metal band ever, which means they’re like staring straight into the Satan’s eyes and laughing in his beat-red face. They’ve already been signed by Australia’s Riot... Read More
Baseball + Infographics = Fun
Baseball fields look weird. So, the Harv has informed me of the existence of Flip Flop Fly Ball. Having more than a passing interest in graphic design and baseball statistics, FFFB piques my curiosity. While all the infographics that Craig Robinson, creator of FFFB, fabricates are not necessarily in-depth, they are all fun to look at. Like, for instance: My favorite baseball-related year. You will have to visit the site to get a closer look, but who... Read More
Also:
It's going to take the fucking return of Jesus for Travis to win our league. Only 62 day until our local TDGP Fantasy Football Draft! I dunno, just sayin’. Read More
A Nice Assertion
This guy just kills me. Roger Federer as Bond villian? It sure makes a lot of sense to me. Clearly he Gilloolied Nadal somehow so that he could reach magical 15. I wonder if he will even break a sweat this week against the weakest men’s field since the dawn of time at Wimbledon? Also, it may be interesting to peruse the blog associated with the above link, a sports blog called With Leather. Named after an apocryphal anecdote about Chris Berman,... Read More
Phew! It’s Finally Over: US Open Wrap-up
Since no one else seems to have anything to say, I shall give a few concluding remarks on this year’s US Open golf championship. First, let’s all salute Lucas Glover, this year’s winner, and the man who seemed not to not not want it the least. Given the final round scoring of most golfers, pretty much anyone within 10 shots entering the final round could have stolen the thing with a low final round, but even the likes of Tiger... Read More
Open a Bore
The US Open ’84 Lumber Classic is starting to bore me. Because of the torrential rains and the slow ass fairways and greens, this tournament is a regular, any old guy can win type deal. I withdraw my “atwitter” status I referred to in the last post. If you recall, a large part of that excitement was the possibility of big scores and that good shots could turn into average ones if golfers didn’t hit the green just right,... Read More
US Open Numbers
As the US Open approaches, I am atwitter with anticipation. I like to see golfers struggle to make par. I like that you’ll get a few 8s on the course. It makes me feel better about all my “8s.” Because I play from the back tees. Yeah… that’s the ticket. But anyway, let’s look at some numbers regarding the hallowed tourney. They will stand as tributes to empiricism. -The highest score on a single US Open hole... Read More
Bucking Broncos
It seems that Denver Broncos players are having a hard time staying on the bull. This week, Brandon Marshall, purported bad guy and talented receiver, did not attend mandatory meetings and requested a trade. If he is traded, and a comparable receiver is not in the deal, one wonders if poor Kyle Orton is not being set up to fail. Let’s discuss… I'm guessing these were in the Purdue days? But did he have a beard then? Michael... Read More
Legacy Confirmed
Levitating basketballs since 1945. First, (begruding) congrats to the LA Lakers for winning the 2009 NBA Finals. After proving that he can win a NBA Championship with a bunch of mid-level talent, Phil Jackson finally proves he has the most NBA coaching rings of all-time. Phil Jackson's game plan for Game 7 of the 2009 NBA Finals. Known as the “Zen Master,” Phil deftly dealt with all the devilish aspects of being in the spotlight and... Read More
This Guy Just Won A Ring (Sort Of)
Stan Van Gundy
Favorite New Golfer: Guy Boros
Could literally crush the newer, svelter John Daly This is what you miss when you don’t play Fantasy Golf. Read More
Reading Report #Let’s Not Quantify this Kind of Poetry. One Step Closer to a Personal Pan Pizza Roone: A Memoir, Roone Arledge (2003)
As some of you know, I’ve entered the Book It! program this summer and am inching my way toward a personal pan pizza from Pizza Hut. I’m thinking Canadian bacon and pineapple, but I might see if they can make me a taco pizza, which I had one time at a post-basketball season team party and really liked. It had lettuce and hamburger on it. Just like a taco! But instead of a taco shell, it had zesty, spicy sauce and it was placed on, you guessed... Read More
I Am Now (Apparently) Bill Simmons’ Publicist
I figured out why I love these game diaries even though he usually irritates me: Simmons hates the Lakers as much as I do. We should scrap the notion that national announcers and commentators are supposed to be objective; I prefer vitriol. My only complaint with this one is that he calls the Lakers “slightly flawed.” How about “deeply flawed but facing a team with the worst finals coach of all time and only two scoring options with... Read More
SVG (dammit) and I Hate Me Some Kiffin
Before I start in on Lane Kiffin, let me also give SVG a little of the business: WTF?!?!?!?!?! JJ Redick again?! No Skip for the 4th and OT b/c of a bad 3rd for the TEAM, not the player? No fouling when up three with :11 to go?! Keeping the shortest man in the series on the floor in those :11 for what reason?? So that Fish is absolutely assured a clean look? Shaq is right, my friend– you are the master of panic. Way to micromanage your... Read More
Dr. Strangelineup or How I Learned to Hate Stan Van Gundy aka Who Let Stan Van Gundy Coach? aka Did A 3 Year Old Get To Pick Orlando’s Lineup?
Could I have done a better job? Answer: YES. What the fuck? Seriously, what the fuck? Fuckin’ fuck fuck. Disclaimer: I’m three sheets to the wind right now, but this has to be said: Who the fucking shit let Stan Van Gundy near a basketball team? Did Shaq call it or what? MASTER OF PANIC, MASTER OF PANIC, MASTER OF PLAYING THE MOST RIDICULOUS LINEUP CONFIGURATIONS EVER SEEN. The Magic had every right to win that game. In fact, they should... Read More
Shirley He’s a Ding Dong
A while back I wrote a brilliant post about how Paul Shirley–author, failed pro basketball player, and d-list celebrity in the sports media stratosphere–wrote a column about Animal Collective’s most recent album. His column talked about how he liked it but thought it was kind of weird, thus reassuring the frat set that it was ok to consume this stuff and that they didn’t really have to worry about getting to involved with... Read More
Letters + Numbers Reprieve
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtZ0MgiiJZM&hl=en&fs=1&] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1796OXXdVzs&hl=en&fs=1&] Read More
Quick Hit: Something Worth Reading
I usually don’t care for or about Bill Simmons’ hipster snark writing, but this, on NBA Finals game 2, is probably the best game diary I’ve ever read. For reals. And not just because it consists almost entirely of things said by TDGPers and friends while we watched the game. It also includes statistics. Read More
Buy the Numbers
It has been suggested of late that TDGP become more empiricist, to let numbers hold more sway. In that spirit, I will present here some numbers that will, essentially, speak for themselves. They represent some of the more interesting quantifiables in the sports world. –After going down 0-2 in the NBA Finals, the numbers say the Magic is a 9-1 shot to comeback to win the series. (Only 3/30 teams have accomplished the feat.) –Chien-Ming... Read More
Speculating about Steroids
Today’s Outside the Lines covered the recent flap over a midwestsportsfans.com blog post that uses statistical analysis to suggest that it is at least reasonable to chalk up Raul Ibanez’s so-far fantastic 2009 season to PED use. Jerod Morris, the author of the post and the site’s managing editor, defended himself on ESPN by pointing out that his column was distorted in the Philadelphia Inquirer (which, well, it was), and by arguing... Read More
The Art of the Sky Hook
Interesting ESPN video on Kareem’s sky hook. Why don’t more big men use this? Because it maximizes the big man’s height advantage. I like how Dwight Howard identifies it as “hot.” If “hot” means “it’s something I won’t even approach” then I guess Howard’s statement rings true. Really, why don’t more big guys use this more often? Because it will score you a lot... Read More
Picking #1 in the MLB (or any) Draft
The "Greatest Ever" was drafted in 1976 in the 4th Round (96th) So, the super exciting MLB Draft just started and the Washington Nationals will shock no one and pick Stephen Strasburg #1 overall. 103 mph fastball = #1 pick. Not such a hard decision. Oh wait, they just picked him (live update!). The MLB Draft is generally an under-the-radar event due to the fact that most players picked are very young and will never make it to the major leagues.... Read More
Doyel Confirms Possum’s Prescience
The Nostrapossumus vibe is strong these days: Favre is getting surgery so that he can join the Viks, Michelle Wie is showing signs, and no one cares even more about the WNBA. But this column by ESPN’s Gregg Doyel is really the clincher. In it, Doyel argues that everyone who is calling the Finals over is an idiot, adding, “That’s right, Freeman. I’m talking to you.” Not to brag, but months ago, I praised Doyel as one... Read More
TDGP’s Official Poll Result: Who is going to win the NBA Finals?
We need more Polish Hammer and less Reddddddick. According to TDGP readers, 71% believed that the Orlando Magic would win the NBA Finals, while only 5% thought that the LA Lakers would. From one perspective, this is a brilliant pick considering that most of the votes for the Magic were cast at the beginning of the Magic/Cavs series. In that regard, we had some real foresight. However, from another perspective, this pick didn’t take into consideration... Read More
Gotta Have It To Make It
Gotta have it to make it (and Leroy has it). I often prescribe to the “Gotta Have It To Make It” philosophy of Making $$$. And it is clear that Leroy Smith and Nike still have it and are going to continue to make it. If you are interested in learning how to enhance your brand just do whatever Nike does. It seems to work. Read More
The Federeration
Before Seamus McGee gets on here to extol the virtues of his lover, Roger, let me just give ole Federer props for being a great player. He has matched the all-time slam mark of Pete Sampras and has completed the career grand slam, a feat only 6 men can claim. He has been dominant, and he has exhibited excellence. Now, he and his boy, Tiger, both have 14 majors. Let the text wars begin. But seriously, though, this must be Fed’s greatest... Read More
Summer Reading, Part 3: How Football Explains America
I want to open this one up by saying that I didn’t really think this book was going to be worth a damn to begin with. Any How_______explain(s)_________is probably a bad idea and an exercise in gross simplification unless it’s called How Numbers Explain Math or How Travis Explains Love. Those are pretty good. The former, published by Kinkos International is available exclusively at the trunk of my car. Suffice it to say, I picked up... Read More
Whew.
I can breathe again. Roger Federer, my personal hero and alleged hoarder of Nazi gold, just squeaked past huge dude Juan Martín Del Potro in five sets. Now he just has to beat a guy named Robin to win his first French Open. ESPN opted not to show the match live. WHAT THE FUCK? I am so, so cool. I should've kept this haircut. Read More
Great moments in sports integrity
Apparently the NFL has a new rule allowing its teams to place one advertisement on practice jerseys. It appears that this move enables teams to “maximize revenue” without “compromising the integrity of the game.” Right. Wow, practice jerseys. That’s a real score for corporate America. Also, thank goodness teams are keeping the fans in mind. We don’t want to see athletics tainted by capitalism, particularly... Read More
Mojo Carried Over, Amplified
Sadly, sans Shaq, the Lakers still seem to have this mojo (what a beatdown of the Magic tonight): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKhP3PnB_xM&hl=en&fs=1&] Read More
Ichiro: Good as Advertised?
For years, we have marveled (well, at least maybe we have noticed) at Japanese cum American sensation Ichiro Suzuki ply his trade in Seattle. And by “ply his trade,” I mean average .331 over the last 8 1/2 years and amass an astonishing 1877 hits in that time. However, except for a very short run there in the early 200os, Seattle has not realized much success in the Ichiro era. Granted, he is certainly not fully to blame, and I am... Read More
Tony Dungy is really starting to get on my nerves
Truth be told, I have long put the blinders on when it comes to Tony Dungy. His over-the-top conservatism, intolerance toward gay civil rights, and seeming lack of preparedness for really important games (like, you know, most of those playoff games where his superior team look surprised to be involved in a football contest) have always been there, yet I have chosen to overlook them due to my lust for the almighty victory (even if most of them occur... Read More
Marshall Law: I’m Staying Away from Brandon
Brandon Marshall has dodged the bullet with the NFL front-office after it decided that the details of the events that led to his March arrest for disorderly conduct are too murky to warrant a suspension. This is big news for Marshall, because he has already served a one-game suspension for repeatedly violating the NFL’s personal conduct policy. Had the league ruled against Marshall this time, he probably would have faced a penalty similar... Read More
The Day I Realized I Could Work For ESPN
ESPN's new extreme sports analyst The Great Harv brought this to my attention. If you will notice on the right side of the link (if you scroll down a bit), not one of the 10 ESPN experts picked the Magic to beat the Cavs. Not one! Did any of them bother to look at the numbers? Did Jalen Rose find it suspicious that, before the series, the Magic had beaten the Cavs 10 of the last 14 times they played? Or that the Cavs suck against the elite teams... Read More
Could Mike Babcock kill someone with his jaw?
After finding out about Mike Babcock’s evil weapon chin, I’m pretty sure the Detroit Red Wings are going to win the cup. To be honest, I really don’t know one thing about hockey. Can chins decide playoff games? Maybe if Babcock coaches them to beat up other players with their chins? Or is it something more mystical that decides playoff games, like amount of beard hair? Or whether or not your fans throw dumb shit on the ice when someone... Read More
Grunt? Whistle? Wheeze? Gruisze?
Thank god I didn’t do that post pre-emptively crowning Rafa Nadal the champ of this year’s French Open. The big question now is: Can Roger Federer finally do what Pete Sampras (and himself) could not? I hope not, but we will see. Anyway, this Bollettieri-trained (he has to be about 90 years old by now), up-and-coming tennis phenom, Michelle Larcher de Brito, is the talk of the press for her on-court squeal (as heard in this unfortunately... Read More
Mike Freeman is an Idiot.
This one is ala Seamus McGee– a bash of some stupid journalist, this time ESPN’s Mike Freeman. Following the Magic’s domination of the Cavs in game 6 of the Eastern Conference Finals, Freeman wrote this piece for ESPN.com. In it, he states that “most fans mourn for finals that will never be.” First, I am not sure that this is true. Sure, sports writers and the league want that series, but I am not sure that: A) Kobe-Bron... Read More
All Shaq-team Final
Not quite yet Chosen One. Sure, you could call it the Disney World vs. Disney Land Final or the Dwight vs. Kobe Final (if you are trying to use the superstar vs. superstar model that the NBA tried to push so hard for LeBron/Kobe), but I like to think of it as the Teams Shaq played for Final. Or the Team Shaq left vs. the Team Shaq won 3 Championships with Final. Sure, you could say, “Let’s shine the spotlight on the Lakers lackadaisical... Read More
How Do You Spell Awesome?
Just a couple of nights ago, I sat here, mesmerized by the finals of the Scripps Spelling Bee. I don’t know whether it’s the fact that I have a coupla degrees in English or if it’s just that I love human drama, but there is nothing quite so gripping as seeing 12 and 13 yr olds wade their way through words like “avoirdupois” or “eurystomatous.” Each year, I tune in to see these mini-geniuses ply their craft,... Read More
Nuggets of Wisdom
What the hell is wrong with George Karl? Have you seen this dude at press conferences lately? He sounds like he is trying to deny everyone else in the room of air, and he acts as if every question he is being asked is being spoken in some Slavic language he don’t know– his seeming level of flabbergastery is off the charts. I think the dude has gone straight loco. And it doesn’t matter, win or loss– either way, you get... Read More
It’s Our Birthday!
Looking bravely into the future. A year ago today, The Dwight Gooden Poster (TDGP) was birthed into this crazy world with a modest posting by Travis. Since then the guys (any women want to post on here??) have covered such topics as Erin Andrews, the Olympics, funny sports names, and Erin Andrews. In addition, we occasionally loved on Tiger Woods and John Calipari, while always hating on Philip Rivers and Tim Tebow. We often got “philosophical”... Read More
Inevitable (n): incapable of being avoided or evaded.
Though the word “inevitable” is often over-used in sports to describe greatness, sometimes the word seems just right. It was technically not inevitable that Michael Jordan would make the game-winner (see Jordan on this topic); despite his accomplishments so far, it is not, in fact, inevitable that Tiger Woods will surpass Jack Nicklaus’ major record; it is also not inevitable that I will be seen as a sooth-sayer in the future (though... Read More
TDGP Official Poll: If Bo Jackson wanted to lift a house, could he?
Bo lifting all types of houses We posed the question: If Bo Jackson wanted to lift a house, could he? Answer: 57% of voters say, “YES!” A certain bunch of misguided voters said yes (13%), prolly (22%), no (9%). Clearly, Bo can do whatever he wants to do. Related fun Bo information: -Joe Posnanski’s article on Bo -Michael Weinreb article on Bo -Ron Flatter article on Bo -N’Genuity Enterprises -Bo Jackson’s Elite Sports -Bo... Read More
Goddammit I Hate Rick Reilly
So ESPN hired stupid fucking Rick Reilly last June to write idiotic columns on ESPN.com. Reilly is, I guess, popular, mostly from his regular idiotic columns in Sports Illustrated. He is also the Joe Buck of sportswriters. To wit, this column about why baseball sucks and why he doesn’t watch it and what he would do were he commissioner. He thinks baseball is boring; fine, so do a lot of people, most of whom don’t write about sports for... Read More
Kobe Doin’ Himself
Some might say that the best films have the capacity to both entertain and infuriate. Well, when you have crappy, gutter-snot taste like me rotten films have that capacity as well. Spike Lee’s new Kobe Doin’ Work does just that. This ESPN Films special is more puff than the magic dragon, yo. A totally uncritical examination of the NBA’s least likable player filmed during an April 2008 game between the Lakers and Spurs at LA’s... Read More
Great Calls
First, let me say that some of Nostrapossumus’ calls are on their way in. Favre is an x-ray away from the Metrodome, and Michelle Wie finished 3rd this week at the Sybase. Watch out WNBA-ers. You are not long for this world. But, on to the real meat of this post: great calls made by announcers on aired TV coverage. I am sure that there are lists of these kinds of things all over the interweb, but my short list here will cover the events... Read More
Sponsored Event: Kelley Baby Shower
Who doesn't love a Sushi Onesie? Today the guys from TDGP hosted our first sponsored event, the Kelley Baby Shower. Sure, at first glance, this doesn’t seem like the kind of event that a sports blog would sponsor. Yet, when you dig beneath the surface, you realize that the modern sports landscape is about pushing past the standard assumptions of who enjoys sports. The NFL makes clothes targeted toward women, the NHL reaches out for anyone who... Read More
Summer Reading #2: Playboy, June 2009
As some of you lovelies know, I’m an unwitting subscriber to Playboy. A few years ago, I thought it would be funny to buy my friend a copy of Deep Throat for Christmas. You know, he’s opening presents with the family and all of a sudden, a porno. But since then, I’ve been getting a free subscription to Playboy. It’s not as cool as you might think. Playboy‘s article are shit for the most part and the women all look... Read More
I Can Feel It Coming in the Air (Next Season)
“They’ll be saying, ‘Wow, the Bengals are 6-0 … Wow, the Bengals are 10-2. Where did this come from?’ We’re set up perfectly. We’re kind of under the radar. We have no prime-time games. There’s absolutely no hype. And for a young team trying to find itself, that’s perfect.” In addition to Carson Palmer, Phil Collins, Miami Vice, Tupac Skakur and Lil Kim, I can feel it coming. . . next season. A few weeks ago I made a prediction... Read More
Knock Me Like a Hurricane
So, I know that most of us don’t have HBO. But I want it. Boy, I want it so bad I can taste it. It’s not even TV, it’s HBO, dog. Anyhow, ESPN just announced that the Cincinnati Bengals will be the team featured in Hard Knocks, the NFL Films-produced reality TV show that follows around a particular NFL team during its training camp. According to my idol Steve Sabol, NFL Films felt that the Bengals have a good mix of personalities.... Read More
TDGP Summer Reading List: Summer Reading #1
Seriously, catch it. Well, it’s summer time again in academia. We don’t get paid a lot, but we do get to fuck around all summer. This is a plus, right? Well, since we are nerds, our idea of “fucking around” is catching up on some pleasure reading. Thus, I wanted to start the first installment of the sports-related summer reading. This will mostly be updated by Travis, since he is the only one who actually reads sports books... Read More
Big Baby All Grown Up?
Striking a pose. Glen “Big Baby” Davis is really showing up in these playoffs. In addition to hitting the game winning shot against Orlando the other day, he is destroying his 7pt, 4rb regular season average with a 16.8pt, 6rb playoff effort. Sure, sure, sure, Kevin Garnett is out and poor Leon Powe’s knee decided to take a vacay, but it is still impressive to see Big Baby step it up. Seriously, this guy is not far removed from his... Read More
A Bridge Too Favre
In September 1944, Allied troops in WWII attempted to secure a set of bridges in Holland that would have allowed the efficient deployment of troops around the German line to attack its vulnerable underbelly. Many argue that had this goal, called Operation Market Garden, been achieved, the war in Europe would have ended nearly a year earlier than it did. The iconic phrase “a bridge too far” described the inability to secure the bridge... Read More
Booyah!
Manny being Manny. Read More
Video of the Day: Snack Attack
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YduO8-ALReA&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1] Read More
Let’s Get Trivial: Trends in Punctuation
I returned last week from a trip out of the country to see that ESPN has made a subtle change to its crawl. Under the MLB heading, amidst the scores and stats, a brief factoid on the new allegations about Alex Rodriguez read something like this (not verbatim): New book alleges Rodriguez not only loves his pony, but also loves his pony. This was followed by a related note of some sort (again, not verbatim): Teammates mum on Rodriguez allegations; “fuck... Read More
Griffey’s Colon
Athletes get injured. That’s just a fact. And some athletes get injured more than others. Take my favorite baseball player of all time, Ken Griffey jr. He’s spent the last decade of his career battling various injuries–wrist, ankle, you name it. And he’s injured again. No big deal, right. The M’s probably expected this and well all know that his role on the team is as much ceremonial as it is functional. But there... Read More
I got a feeling. . .
Gimmie some of that. I have this feeling that the Philadelphia Eagles are going to win the Super Bowl this year in a rematch against the New England Patriots. Feel it. EAGLES 23 PATRIOTS 17 Read More
Some More Questionable Expressions…
If TDGP readers will recall, Ground Possum has posted on things in sports I am tired of hearing, and Seamus McGee has posted on things in sports he does not understand. I continue in those traditions here with more confusing or ridiculous sports cliches. 1) “Meteoric Rise.” I was flipping through the tele tonight when I stopped momentarily to see Brian Kenny of EPSN Classic introduce Mike Tyson’s 1986 unanimous decision victory... Read More
05/01/09: Quote of the Day
leading MLB in batting average, runs, hits, doubles, + RBIs Toronto Blue Jays lefty Brian Tallet: “All we have to do as pitchers is keep it within a touchdown.” Read More
Favorite Sports Fans, Volume 1: Hootie and the Blowfish
You wanna know why fame is dangerous, not just to those who achieve it but to everyone else in the universe? Because ESPN will whore itself out to you and your bologna-ass video will end up on tv screens at theme parks. That’s right, last spring I was doing some roller-coastering and had to watch this shit like fourteen times while waiting in line. I even started singing along quietly and changing the lyrics to suit my perverse needs (“I’m... Read More
Nostrapossumus Rides Again!
First, for the uninitiated, I would like to point out the delicious reference to the Apple Dumpling Gang and their re-riding. Past that, I would like also to point out that Brett Favre’s release today from the NY Jets opens the way for one of my previous predictions to come true– he will be back this season. Watch for news from Minneapolis. Conway and Knotts: American Heroes But, on to the present, which is to say, the future…... Read More
TDGP Picture of the Day
Snubilicious and the System Analysis: Graham Harrell
Draft Day Blues Apparently (system) QB Graham Harrell wasn’t drafted on Draft Day. Dude led the nation with 5,111 yards and was second with 45 TDs. He finished his career with 15,599 yards and 134 TDs. But he is a “system” QB. “System” is something you don’t want attached to your name on draft day. “System” made the Raiders draft Darrius Heyward-Bey over two “system” WRs: Michael Crabtree... Read More
Hornets Stung
Anyone see that beatdown in New Orleans? I believe they are calling yesterday’s Nuggets-Hornets game “Katrina II.” Local merchants and fans will need federal relief to recover from that debacle. People who were at the game are being housed in the Superdome. 121-63? 121-63?? Sweet Mary, that is embarrassing. And in your own house, too? Was Jannero Pargo really that influential to this team’s success last year? The... Read More
Fantasy Football Draft – Bay Kelley edition
Tony isn't really impressed by Bay's draft. We’ve decided to do our draft really early this year and one of our members, Bay Kelley, broke a cardinal rule: Don’t draft with your heart, draft with your head. He is a serious Falcons fan. He has this tape of him at one of their playoff games that he likes to show everyone. Bay’s picks are as follows: Rd. 1: Michael Turner – RB, Falcons Rd. 2: Matt Ryan – QB, Falcons Rd.... Read More
In Case You’ve Been Wondering…
what John McCain has been up to since his failed attempts at the Presidency, ESPN.com has provided an update. McCain recently voiced his support for a pardon of Jack Johnson, first African American heavyweight champion whose gained an increased degree of fame throughout the last few years with the release of Ken Burns’ Unforgivable Blackness, which is my favorite Burns doc, which isn’t saying much. A little history. Johnson was clearly... Read More
Body Control
Greg working on his body control G. Oden in Portland’s 107-103 win over the Houston Rockets: Min 11:38 FG 1-4 FT 2-2 +/- +7 Off 3 Reb 4 Stl 1 PF 6 Pts 4 That is body control. Read More
TDGP Poll Result: Who would win in a fight to the death?
Lolo crushes you and then gives you the Jordan tongue. Who would win in a fight to the death? Lolo Jones (175cm, 49kg), American track + field star, or Yelena Isinbayeva (175 cm, 65 kg), Russian pole vaulter/world record smasher? If the readers of TDGP had their way, Lolo would win (88%) in a landslide. This could be result of American pride, pure and simple. Yet, if the recent Olympics are any indication, Yelena wouldn’t go down without a fight.... Read More
Powe No!
It appears as though a TDGP favorite has fallen victim to the scourge of misfortune. Who will we cheer for now?! Read More
Doc Gooden Sighting
Current Met and former Met looking S-E-X-X-Y Apparently the Mets are dumb enough to think they can control the mad graffiti artist Goody Docenstein. Apparently they wanted to keep the new stadium “pristine.” Uhhhh, 1) Isn’t graffiti part of NYC culture? 2) You really think you can keep a baseball stadium serving beer, corn dogs, cotton candy, nachos and pretzels pristine? Another reason why my most beloved team sucks. Read More
OH GOD!
Read. Sentence eight. Apocalypse. WTF? Who the fuck is in these front office meetings that decide these kinds of things? Dammit! The newest reason I won't be watching NBC's football coverage. Read More
The Lord Giveth, The Lord Taketh Away
His crossover is ridiculous. Just when I was getting excited about the NBA playoffs, I find out that Brian Scalabrine will be out a month with post-concussion syndrome. Fuck that shit. The campaign is doomed. Also, in less important news, KG is out for the playoffs (sore knee!?!?! sore knee?!?!?!). I was really looking forward to another Lakers/Celtics final. Watching the finals last year gave my summer purpose. It was a great series and it’s... Read More
Kudos to Straight Shooters
I just read a Gregg Doyel column on CBSSports.com. It was a masterful piece not necessarily because it rightfully calls out Tiger-haters as idiots, but rather because he actually calls them ‘idiots.’ He twice refers to such haters (who choose not to enjoy seeing the best single figure in sports today) as “screwed,” repeatedly says that he “feels sorry for [them],” and refers to such people as “wretched and... Read More
TAKE IT EASY, HARRY
Monday was a big-time bummer for sports fans. First, and foremost, Harry Kalas, the longtime Philadelphia Phillies announcer and NFL Films narrator, passed away at the age of 73. Kalas is part of the increasingly-dwindling era of gentlemen announcers marked by the pre-ESPN earnestness. Second, Mark “The Bird” Fidrych, died at the age of 54. This guy, if you don’t remember (which I didn’t until reminded) was a sort of odd-ball phenom pitcher... Read More
Sports and Affect
Thought I had something brilliant to say, didn’t you? Fuck that. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lCotjd3pR8&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
HAPPY EASTER from TDGP!
Friends, readers, scoundrels, Let us be the first to wish you a joyous Easter holiday. Every last one of us here at TDGP is devout. The reasons for our devotion are far reaching, messy, and often illegal, but we are most certainly devout. That’s why we feel we have a special kinship with religious holidays, particularly those of the Christian variety. This is a big day for Christians. I mean, without Easter, the whole Jesus argument wouldn’t... Read More
Concerns swirl amidst Griffin’s decision to go pro
Amidst the buzz today surrounding Oklahoma standout sophomore Blake Griffin’s decision to enter the 2009 NBA draft, unidentified league officials expressed concerns about the phenom’s potential impact on the game. When pressed by this intrepid reporter as to how exactly this 6-10, 240 pound 20 year old would change the game any more than any other highly touted amateur player, the source responded, “No, not the pace or style of... Read More
Carolinas, Tennessee Balk at Bird Shortage
As the sporting world gets ready for the much-anticipated return of Tiger Woods to Augusta National, eager to see if the world’s number one can hold off a hot Phil Michelson, a two-time defending major winner Padraig Harrington, and a Euro-tour teen upstart Rory McIlroy, many officials from states surrounding Georgia are concerned at the relative silence coming from their tree-tops. Rory McIlroy is expected to make some noise at this year's... Read More
Fat, Obnoxious Dudes Rejoice!
Typical Bears fan According to ESPN, fat, obnoxious dudes all over the Midwest can now rejoice: Super awesome dude Jay Cutler is now a Chicago Bear. I’ve been listening to Chicago radio and just heard: “Super Bears! Super Bowl! The rest of the league sucks!” I’ve also heard: 1. This is the biggest trade in Chicago sports history. 2. It is time to pick up Tory Holt. 3. Orlando Pace is taking a physical today and also already... Read More
Nostrapossumus Strikes Again
Flush with the pleasure of knowing that I argued years ago that Erin Andrews ruled the world of sideline reporters (that wasn’t me you saw bouncing from public computer to public computer voting wildly for Andrews over and over again), I am forced to share with you some more predictions for upcoming sports-related events and personalities. While they may not all be the most adventurous predictions, they will become Truth. Big T. Here they... Read More
TDGP Poll Result: Who Is Your Favorite Female Sportscaster?
Yup It is my pleasure to report that Erin Andrews is TDGP’s official all-around Sportscaster of the Year. She won the competition running away, crushing her competitors garnering 47% of the votes. Closest to her were Melissa Stark (17%) and (my personal fav) Suzy Kolber (13%). Poor Hannah Storm didn’t even get a nod. What disrespect. Although, as reported, Playboy already named her Female Sportscaster of 2009, we at TDGP really don’t... Read More
Sports Clichés I Don’t Understand, Part 1
Following Ground Possum’s groundbreaking “Things I am Tired of Hearing” catalog of pain, I want to continue the series by focusing not on sports clichés that I am tired of hearing, but on ones that I simply can’t comprehend. I actually do understand phrases like “taking it one game at a time”–not getting ahead of yourself, concentrating on the task at hand–and “giving 110%” (hyperbole is a legitimate rhetorical strategy). The... Read More
Jay Cutler Trade Countdown!! and other news
World's Greatest Humanitarian What a great day! The Cats get Calipari and, according to a report on Yahoo!, “The Broncos’ owner says the team is shopping Jay Cutler after both sides couldn’t end their feud.” With the imminent trading of Cutler, I will finally have zero reasons to root for the Broncos. Adios childhood, hello new future! I want Cutler to go to one of two places: New York Jets or the Detroit Lions. I think... Read More
Job Listings
This Tony Bennett Only Mildly Despises BasketballMuch virtual ink has been spilled in the last couple of days about TDGP patron demon John Calipari and his imminent move to UK. We like this move over here, as it solidifies his place within the pantheon of overtly sleazy NCAA basketball coaches. If I knew how to use photoshop I would do sort of a middle-earth Mt. Rushmore with Calipari, Pitino, Boeheim, and Calhoun. It would look like the cover... Read More
TDGP Weekend Wrap Up
Is it this way to Lexington? 1) The most delicious piece of information I’ve heard in a long time. Calps interested in the Kentucky job?* Isn’t their some equation for awesomeness that goes something like this: old Pitino job + potential Calipari job = cross-promotion king of basketball frenzy super basketball empire of doom I surely hope this happens. I can see it now: UK, Doc Hollywood’s new favorite team. Dropping another win... Read More
Praise Be!
Cellar no more! After Nova took down the Pittsburgh Catamounts or Steelers or whatever they are called I, Doc Hollywood, jumped out of last place in my NCAA pool! I am now fourth from last. I can create some real havoc if UNC and Louisville win tomorrow. Thank god I didn’t pick Memphis, Kansas, or Pittsburgh to win. Suckers. Erin Andrews assesses her bracket (hint: she picked UNC all the way). Read More
New Favorite Sports Commentator: Gus Johnson
That’s right. I’ve got a new favorite sportscaster. A nice gentleman named Gus. During the Michigan State-Kansas game, Gusterino said “blammo,” gruffly moaned “ooohh-yeah” several times, and told us viewers what he thought was probably going on inside Lupe Izzo’s head during the waning moments of the game. He also stepped all over his partner’s lines/time during the entire broadcast. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... Read More
Clockwork Devil Blue
Even a stopped clock shows the right time when it has to play a better team. Like a reliable clock, the Duke Blue Devils know when it’s time to exit the tournament. Last night a Villanova squad (who I picked to go to the Final 4) took it to the Dukies and beat them for the first time in 50 years. I am pretty sure something goes off in their heads around this time that says, “Hey, it’s the second week of the tourney, you’ve... Read More
Lives of the Rich and Shameless?
Evil people or mizunderstood? So, this story is funny. Okay, not so funny. Apparently Vanessa Bryant, if the veracity of this story holds up, isn’t such a nice person. My skeptical world view holds that this is true: Rich person + power over paid subordinate = super evil person Of course, this could also be a calculated money grab by this woman. Maybe Vanessa didn’t make her put her hand in a bag of shit and only yelled at her. Who knows!?!?!?!?!?... Read More
National Fantasy League
Erin Andrews helped design this logo. Upon hearing the news that the NFL season is almost assuredly going to expand to 17-8 games, I did not think of the possible problems with player injuries or conditioning; I did not think of the elimination of meaningless pre-season games or the financial windfall the extra games represent for the “struglling” NFL; no, my only thought was, “Holy crap! There are going to be more fantasy weeks! ... Read More
TDGP Picture of the Day: Phi Slamma Jennifer?
Fuck Yeah Read More
My Sweet 16 Sucks, Elways Gets Ahistorical, Andrews “Honored,” Schilling Retires
I didn't quite hit the mark this year. 1. My backet this year sucks major dingo balls. Apparently the dingo not only took my baby, but also my common sense. Have this many 1-3 seeds ever made it this far? It was a bad year to pick a lot of upsets. No Cinderellas unless you count that underachieving Arizona squad with 3 potential NBA players on the squad. Add to this misery the fact that I am last in my pool except for the goon who didn’t... Read More
Down Goes Summit!
I have always been of the mind that the women’s NCAA basketball tournament is essentially unnecessary– not, as some would say, because women’s basketball is boring or nonathletic or the like. No, it is historically unnecessary because women’s basketball is not deep enough to support so large a field. There simply are not enough good teams to support a 64-team tournament. There is zero chance — ZERO CHANCE —... Read More
Tiger II: Judgment Day
I was just reading an interesting piece by Rick Riley of ESPN.com. In the column, Riley questions whether Tiger Woods is the best golfer ever. He asks this question because at this time last year, most sports experts would either have responded with an un-equivocated, “yes,” or would at least have admitted that he would inevitably become so in a few years. However, now, says Riley, the slightest bit of doubt has crept in as to whether... Read More
TDGP’s NCAA Forecast
Louisville anyone? What is so great about March Madness to me is that people get genuinely irritated about picking poorly when they have only seen 4-5 teams in the tournament even play. How are you supposed to know if North Dakota State can knock off Kansas? I picked it to happen even though I haven’t seen Kansas play all year and had, until recently, no idea that ND State even had a team. But if they end up pulling off the upset I will look... Read More
Change?
For those of you who haven’t see this, President Barack Obama has made his NCAA tourney picks. For a guy who has been deemed a radical, he sure did go conservative with his picks. Only two non-top 4 seeds in the sweet 16? Really? And those two teams are 5 seeds! C’mon, man! Take a risk! Stacey Dales asks Kelvin Sampson for his comment on Obama's tourney picks. Read More
TDGP’s Official Poll Result: Who Will Be the MADDEST in March?
Which team will be mad enuff to do this?? Who will be the maddest team in March? This question vexes many out of shape, klutzy men, women, and children each March as they try to pick wisely among the 65 teams present in the field. According to our recent poll, people think UNC will be the maddest in, uh, April. If Ty Lawson is still out, can UNC pick up this guy?? UNC 28% Pitt 23% Louisville 19% North Dakota State 11% (First time in the Tourney baby!) Oklahoma... Read More
Some NCAA Predictions
Since I pretty much understand everything about college basketball, sport in general, and science I have decided to clue you good folks into a few things that will, barring natural disasters and other difficult-to-predict barriers, almost certainly occur within the next few weeks. I heard most of this from Larry, my bookie. And he would like so kill me if he knew I was giving this info out free of charge. Good thing Larry’s computer was stolen... Read More
To Sign an Infinitive: A Definitive Move?
So the verdict is in: the Buffalo Bills is the franchise that is willing to take a chance on ole T.O. While I would have liked this thing to draw out for a time so that we could have seen if there really was, as Drew Rosenhaus asserted, great interest in To, there is something satisfying about T.O. being up in Buffalo. Despite murmurs of the difficult disposition of the Burger King, T.O.'s agent Drew Rosenhaus was able to negotiate a deal for... Read More
An Open Letter to ESPN
Closed, as in, not open for business. Dear ESPN, What the fuck? I am writing to you as a concerned citizen of cyberworld who wants to ask: why did you take away Fantasy Golf this year? Was your design so good that it was crushing any PGA-related sites and, via some backroom deals, got shut down? You do realize that all the other Fantasy Golf sites suck really hard, don’t you? They don’t have the sophisticated birdie scoring system, the... Read More
The Big Infinitive
In light of Owens’ latest dismissal from a team; and in the spirit of site-favorite Shaqtus calling himself “The Big Aristotle” or “The Big Cactus;” and given that many have dubbed Terrell Owens “T-O” or in some cases simply “To,” I am hereby proposing that he be dubbed henceforth “The Big Infinitive.” Owens is again on suicide watch, despite his press agent's assurances that he... Read More
Pot? Kettle Here. Let’s Have a Chat.
Who doesn't love Clint Dempsey's rap dance? CBC hockey commentator, rabid nationalist, and one-time (literally, one time) NHL player Don Cherry has a problem with Russian-born awesomedude Alexander Ovechkin’s goal celebrations. Cherry thinks Ovechkin’s exuberant post-goal leaps and fist pumps, which are fun and engaging for most people, are not “the Canadian way,” but instead resemble the goal celebrations of “those... Read More
Philip Rivers Video Parade
Just found out another angel hung itself listening to him. Below are two videos centering around the man, the myth, the stinkpile Philip Rivers. Note the puffiness of this first piece. I’m pretty sure Ground Possum produced it: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZ3xrtzoar8&hl=en&fs=1] Two things of note in the above video: Philip Rivers lies about knowing how to wash a baby and he got married rather young. He must be a really... Read More
In Defense of Philip Rivers
It’s a hard thing to admit, but we have a bunch of haters here at the Dwight Gooden Poster. While some of us rightfully indict the likes of Scott Boras, Manny Ramirez and Steve Lavin, others unnecessarily and completely without cause go after the best among us. Most recently, a strain of anti-Philip-Rivers sentiment has infected this organism, and I just cannot figure it out. Philip Rivers smiles through the hate. Naturally, haters pool... Read More
Hopeful Reflections on Seattle Sports
Former Junior Championship Figure Skater, Perry Ferrell, Takes Dump While Standing. As he later said, "What part of I'm a horse didn'yt you understand?" One time I saw a Jane’s Addiction show in Seattle. Perry Ferrell was wearing purple pants, no shirt, a big hat with a feather in it, and sipping from a big goblet full of something (Goat’s blood? Gasoline? Ranch dressing? I know not). Between songs, and in his high-pitched... Read More
He Said, He Said
New Broncos coach Josh McDaniels mad that Cutler stole his favorite toy For the past few days I have been losing my mind over this Jay Cutler situation. After reading the linked article, I have decided to hate the Broncos again. The Cutler trading block situation is the fucking craziest thing I have ever heard. It just doesn’t compute with me. Sure, it is a “he said, he said” situation, but I’m gonna go ahead and come down... Read More
Personal Hero: David Holston
David Holston playing big. I don’t play basketball. I used to think it was my height, but now I think it’s my utter lack of ability. Whatever the case, ability is something David Holston clearly doesn’t lack. Standing somewhere between 5’6″ – 5’8″ and averaging 25.9 ppg for Chicago State, the dude has some sweet moves and a rap song (Santana’s Second Coming) about adversity: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53o5KI98wN4&hl=en&fs=1] It’s... Read More
Just When I Thought I Was Out, They Pull Me Back In
I feeling a bit Michael Corleone right now. Apparently, B-Dawk is now a Denver Bronco. A little history: I grew up a Denver Bronco fan. Was it the colors? Was it the team? Well, no, it was probably John Elway. I always loved the underdog. Sure, he had that funny walk and couldn’t win the big game for shit (pre-running game), but I always rooted from him (even though he now says exceedingly stupid things about the need for short hair in football). John... Read More
Find Me Someone Who Hates Shaqtus
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7JI-LHx7uvI&hl=en&fs=1] I doubt you can. I think everyone loves the Big Diesel. Why are there so many great Shaq moments on the internet? Does this guy ever do anything that is not super cool? Is he the nicest man alive? Although there are several funny men around the league (Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, etc), no one can come close to the charisma + humor + supermanness of Shaq. Suzy Kolber is playing... Read More
Things I am Tired of Hearing
The sports world is built on cliches; one cannot go a day or two without hearing athletes or coaches talking about ‘taking one game at a time’ or ‘giving 110% out there.’ These phrases emerge as responses to dumb media questions, and so, I can live with them. Of course teams are going to play games individually and play hard. Nice question, Rob Parker. However, there are other repetitive phrases that simply must be eliminated.... Read More
Most Irritating Athletes, Volume 3: Greg Oden
I’m so totally back with the dirtness. This, though, is a different type of irritation. A certain forlornness surrounds my bestowing the Odoriferous Oden with this anti-pleasure. But the fact remains that he can’t stay healthy enough to help the Blazers beat the shit out of all the other teams in the West, make the playoffs, and then win the NBA Championship. This might be because he is 60 years old. I don’t mind him lying about... Read More
Brooks & Done
The news out of Tampa today was of a surprising house-cleaning of elder proportions. Long-time starters Derrick Brooks, Warrick Dunn, Cato June, Joey Galloway and Ike Hilliard were all given their walking papers by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Initially, when I heard the story “Brooks and Dunn among those cut,” I thought that there had been a shocking and unprovoked attack on the Country and Western community. No more, thought I, would... Read More
The Times They Are A-Changin’
Derrick Brooks and Warrick Dunn in ridiculous costumes Apparently the Tampa Bay Bucs are in overhaul mode. Today they released a lot of old dudes: Derrick Brooks, Warrick “one of my starting FF RBs” Dunn, Joey Galloway, Ike Hillard, and Cato June. This really is, in a sense, a changing of the guard for the Bucs. Derrick Brooks defined that defense for the last decade. It makes me feel old to see him on his way out of the league (or on... Read More
Orlovsky to Test Out End Zones Around the League
Last time down the tunnel? Apparently Dan Orlovsky, after being told up he would have to compete in camp to back-up Daunte Culpepper, decided that it was time to test the free agency waters. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aifulCRgQEw&hl=en&fs=1] According to Orlovsky, “I’m pretty confident that I’m going to get a better offer.” Read More
Connecticut Smackdown
Jim Calhoun is my new hero–but not for getting his team once again to the top of the college basketball heap. No, he is my hero for putting the rhetorical smackdown on some “political activist” who attended the UCONN post-game news conference on Saturday. Expecting to answer questions about falling from the number one slot or their fresh new win over USF, Calhoun was instead asked whether he thought it fair that he makes about... Read More
Old Guy Academically Ineligible? Say It Ain’t So, Old Guy!
Let's find a picture that really captures how old this guy is. Jackpot! Thank goodness FoxSports is around to ruin my evening. It turns out that my idol may have struggled with Spanish class and may in fact cause his team to forfeit a game due to his academic problems. Do we give FS any credit for titling this story “Senior Sidelined.” No, we do not. I would have gone for something like “Shriveled Baller Forced to Hang... Read More
I’m Going to Assume that the American Sportscasters Association Is a Mob Front
About a month ago, the American Sportscasters Association released its list of the 50 best, um, American sportscasters. As one who generally thinks sportscasters are the scum of the earth, the very concept of this list intrigued me. Then I read it. A lot of talking to myself in the mirror and many pints of beer later, I have finally come to terms with this mysterious creature. Keep in mind that it was selected by what I assume is the primary professional... Read More
Indie-Sport-Core
Some of you by now probably know who Paul Shirley is. He’s become something of a sports personality after publishing Can I Keep My Jersey, a chronicle of his days as an itinerant forward center in multiple professional basketball teams in several leagues across the states and Europe (in the NBA, he very briefly played for Phoenix, Chicago, and Atlanta). His book discusses his foibles and experiences floating around the different cities and countries... Read More
Why do the Raiders continue to surprise me?
It’s nice to know that there are certainties in this world. The Detroit Lions will continue to miss the playoffs. The Minnesota Twins will put together a competitive team with 1/10 the price tag of the Yankees, Red Sox, or Mets. Dick Clark will continue to host New Year’s Eve telecasts. The Oakland Raiders will continue to make confounding personnel moves. Sebastian Janikowski and I have a lot in common. We're both out of... Read More
KG on Sartorial Sager Redux
Earlier, in my lamentation on the lack of great Craig Sager images on the internet, I found a video of KG giving Sager some sage advice. Well, KG is back for more: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYVjH9dRPzw&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1] Read More
Nice Thought
Manny dreaming impossible dreams Read More
Agents and Apologies
Just a moment ago, ESPN’s Outside the Lines aired a piece about prominent cultural figures apologizing in the media. They compared A-Rod’s recent contrition with that of Pete Rose, Marion Jones and President Bill Clinton. The piece questioned what such figures needed to do to get that all-important “second chance” with the American public and with ever-capricious media vultures that can “make” or “break”... Read More
Ol’ Moneyball Turns to Hoops
Some of you folks may have seen this, but if not I recommend you take a look. Michael Lewis, author of Moneyball and the more recent The Blind Side (both entertaining and readable books that I enjoyed a great deal and that you can read in like 2 hours) wrote a NYT article on Shane Battier. Lewis is one of those writers who is almost too good at writing. I’m sometimes lulled into his narratives for a good couple of pages before I realize that... Read More
John Calipari, CEO of College Basketball
Today the NCAA announced that John Calipari has stepped down as coach of the Memphis Tigers and taking over the new position of CEO of College Basketball. Okay, this didn’t happen, but the Memphis Tigers were going to play an upcoming game in the colors of FedEx (who apparently is their #1 sponsor) on “FedEx Appreciation Night”. They already play at the FedEx Forum and FedEx’s CEO places calls to a Customer Service Rep whose... Read More
Life changing sports
Two words: Nascar Angels. Read More
Pick-up Basketball + Viral Marketing
Well, The Lonely Island has a new music cd out and I wanted to be part of the viral marketing. So, how do you viral market online? Isn’t it: blog as cultural intermediary + personal observation/anecdote + commodity = audience trusts you more and (hopefully) tracks down what you are hawking? Well, let’s give it a try: Hey folks! My friend Matt sent me this crazzzeeee funny video that reminds me of some zany friends. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CEVdca9U9LM&hl=en&fs=1] These... Read More
A-Roid
None of the world is abuzz with the unsurprising news that Yankees star Alex Rodriguez admits to having taken steroids from 2001-2003. Is no interview with Katie Couric sacred anymore?! Erin Andrews made the best of the A-Rod scandal by having this Olin Mills photo taken. More disturbing, however, than finding out that the man who is breaking every record in baseball is juiced, is having to hear about his various exploits with leathery old skanks... Read More
TDGP poll result: Is the Federer-Nadal rivalry better than Agassi-Sampras?
Playing impossibly close tennis Apparently people think that the Federer-Nadal rivalry is better than the Agassi-Sampras rivalry. I think this one is hard to judge. From one perspective, you could say that the Fed-Nadal rivalry is better because they consistently play each other more. Or you could just as equally say that the reason they play each other so much is because they are the only two good players out there right now and maybe they woudn’t... Read More
Young Weezy Rounds the Horn
So there I was, decompressing after a hard day’s work, preparing to watch ESPN’s sports-talk show Around the Horn, looking forward to the upcoming banter between the likes of the chronically behind-the-times Woody Paige or the awkwardly-goateed Kevin Blackistone. However, I was shocked to find that the first panelist on today’s show was none other than the Young One, Weezy himself, multiple Grammy award winning artist Lil Wayne. Wayne... Read More
Ceci n`est pas une pipe
Olympian Michael Phelps tests the new Peak Flow 5000 for scientists...ok, he's really just smoking weed. We here at TDGP have expressed our simultaneous love for Phelps’ Olympic heroics and our dismay over his likely douchebag status. Does smoking pot cement his bro status? Maybe. What I can say is that Phelpsy needs to wise up and realize that being a megastar brings in the big money but also the big scrutiny. You can only act like... Read More
2016 Olympics
A quote from Spanish Sports Minister Jaime Lissavetzky on how Obama’s election might effect Madrid’s bid for the 2016 Olympic Games: “I would have preferred that in the moment of the decision that Bush would have been in office since he’s been so bad for the world.” Full article here Read More
TDGP poll result: How many passes will Tim Tebow complete in the NFL?
Answer: People think Tebow is more suited for the CFL than the NFL. Read More
Jason Whitlock Gets It Right
Though I don’t always agree with columnist Jason Whitlock, his characterization of the Super Bowl officiating was spot on. Way to go, Jason. Hey, you know what Pittsburgh rhymes with? No, it’s not “awesome.” Read More
The Doc, Poster Under Attack?
Following convicted felon Kirk Radomski’s comments on ESPN’s “Outside the Lines,” the integrity of our site’s patron saint, Dwight “Doc” Gooden, has come under attack. Radomski contends that Gooden, while a MLB player, had the steroid provider twice take league-mandated urine tests for the Mets hurler. We here at The Dwight Gooden Poster do not take such accuations lightly, and we are forced to consider... Read More
Most Awesomest Athletes, 2008, Vol. I: The Roc
In light of the negative posts about most irritating athletes, I think that some positive vibes might be good for the site. While I can think of many awesome choices, I believe that the first nod must go to Rocco Mediate. Sure, he is a weirdo, he wears super-high pants, and his performance in the ’08 US Open was somewhat marred by his obsequious “Just happy to be here” comments, but he stood toe-to-toe with El Tigre for 91 holes,... Read More
Most Irritating Sports Figures, 2009, Vol. II: Jeff Kent
Coming Soon to a Police Force Near You First of all, good riddance. Though the mustache is currently making a comeback through the sexy likes of Brad Pitt and Rawley, all it signified during the late ‘90s and early ‘00s was cop or an otherwise insecurity-fueled quest for power at others’ expense. And, as well all remember, ole Kent rocked all the way through. They don’t call it the “power-stache” for nothing. (Note: “power stache”... Read More
What is Florida like?
It’s kinda like this: Read More
Keep B-Dawk in Philly
Burgeoning Doc Hollywood favorite I was watching ESPN today and heard the good news: Big Fatty Reid and Always a Bridesmaid McNabb are coming back to Philly. If you look past the silly names I just called them, I actually like the Eagles quite a bit. McNabb has been on my fantasy team the last two years and I have a great respect for him. I really do hope he gets a ring one day. That being said, some talking head on ESPN also said that the Eagles... Read More
Retraction: Erin Andrews was right.
Erin Andrews keeping in professional with the other Bruce On 7/15/08, I posted a clip of Erin Andrews shying away from the antics of seemingly affable-dude-coach-man Bruce Pearl. I chided her for being uncomfortable about this. Recently, news has come to light that Bruce Pearl was a little bit like our 42nd president Slick Willie. While I want to shy away from moralizing Willie’s past indiscretions, I do want to openly apologize to Erin Andrew’s... Read More
A Note on Erin Andrews…
While TDGP has been up and running for a good while now, we have found that no other reference brings so many web-searchers to our site as “Erin Andrews.” She has been mentioned in passing by our blog a few times , most notably in a story by Doc Hollywood about Bruce Pearl and his reported philandering ways. (So our faithful readers know, as of the posting of this story, our own Doc’s captioned picture of Pearl with young admirer... Read More
Most Irritating Sports Figures, 2009, Vol. 1: Tebow
Thou Ist My Lamest Creation If I wanted to read the bible, I’d do so after doing something sleazy in a motel room. And the verses this dude pastes on his cheeks. Borasauraus Rex, like snooze-ville. Why not have some fun and hit the public with some Old Testament shit? Like Deuteronomy or Numbers. Maybe some Song of Solomon. Nope, just Jesus humping. Bless this, Bless that. I get it. He’s a nice young man. Great. It’s not entirely Tebag’s... Read More
Garbage Bowl
Tampa prepares for the upcoming Steelers/Cardinals showdown. This is shaping up to be one of those really lame Super Bowls. The matchup is less than compelling and these two teams lack the bigger-than-life personalities that sometimes make this already over-hyped more game more enjoyable. While I’m excited about Arizona’s air show, Pittsburgh has a wonderful habit of making every one of their games crummy. You can’t call it... Read More
Clyde aint lost the Swagga
How d'you spell classy, Professer? "C-L-Y-D-E" Here’s a link to a chat between ESPN and Clyde Drexler that evidences my deep love for Drex Flex tha Sex (I made that up…hasn’t caught on yet). Drex, as far as I’m concerned is one of TDGP’s patron saints. These tidbits from the chat should explain why: When asked if he thinks his Trailblazers teams would have won a title had Arvydas Sabonis had joined the... Read More
Cooperstagious!
Rice, just maxin After 15 tries, Jim Rice finally beat whitey and was voted into the Hall of Fame. I frame this in racial terms because Rice was long the only black star on a very white team in a very white-oriented city. Things have changed a bit with Manny, Papi, and Los Tres Amigos on the C’s, but Boston sports have historically been WAY behind the rest of American cities in their integration and acknowledgement of rad-ass ballers like... Read More
Cringe worthy
It almost hurts me to watch this. The first one? Not to bad. That it happens twice? Find me a hole please, I need to crawl in it. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wQq9YWZ568&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
New Favorite Player
Although I have some delicious posts swimming around in my head (fathead redux, all-god NFL team, NFL capitalizing on FF by visualizing stats), for now I want to say I am in love with Brian Dawkins. Man, what a great day. It’s such a great feeling that I will admit to loving that ‘Bad Day’ song in ESPN’s Playoff Fantasy Football commercial. Not only is he a badass, he is also representing Jacksonville, Florida a lot better... Read More
Sat it ain’t so, Chuck!
It’s been about a week now, and I am still eager to see what happens to Charles Barkley after being pulled over in Arizona for suspicion of drunk driving. Will he be fired from TNT’s insightful and incisive NBA coverage? If so, who will Kenny “The Jet” Smith look to for witty interplay and erudite musings? Will Ernie Johnson’s body go into shock and produce another “second-head” tumor? Barkley oozes peach... Read More
Year of the Scots?
After beating Federer and Nadal on back-to-back days, is this the year of Andy Murray? I recently made an ill-conceived bet where I stated that Djokovic and Nadal and one other non-Federer entity would win all the majors this year. Maybe I should rate this Murray fella higher. Read More
Fans, volume 1
I’m a sports fan, and I will admit that I periodically engage in trash talk or absurd flights of logical fancy (i.e. the refs and the networks have a conspiracy against me and “my team”). In spite of my own entrenchment within the culture of such lunacy, I periodically take moments to pause and appreciate the vigor with which we throw ourselves into rather meaningless competitive events while the world around us crumbles. Here’s... Read More
A Note about MVP Voting
Manning demonstrates his uncanny ability to levitate, validating Colts fans' claims that he is in fact the second coming of Christ. As you all likely know by now, Peyton Manning was today named the Associated Press NFL MVP. Here is how the voting broke down: 32 — Peyton Manning, Colts quarterback 4 — Chad Pennington, Miami quarterback 4 — Michael Turner, Atlanta running back 3 — Adrian Peterson, Minnesota running back 3 — James Harrison,... Read More
Who the &*$% wants a Fathead??
So, I’m sure you have seen one of these commercials if you ever watch any sports-related television. Some of them are funny, some of them are really stupid (i.e. the Reggie Bush/Spiderman Fathead commercial). I’m not here to critique the actual commercials, I am here to ask: Who the fuck wants to put a Fathead on their wall? Being a graduate student and teacher at a major state University I am well versed in Brovironment™. You know,... Read More
The New York Times does NFL Animation
This struck me as an interesting concept. The Times provides readers with bird’s eye and players’ perspectives on how various playoff teams’ formations unfold. Check it out here. Read More
A little help here
Ok, so I’m currently in the process of developing a 300-level (sophomore, junior, senior) class on sports in culture and media. The emphasis is going to be on the history of sport and media (more than enough to talk about there, eh?) but I’m also going to address broader issues of sport’s relationship to politics and the politics of identity. What would you folks, and other’s out there…is there anyone out there, like to see in the class... Read More
I Am Angry About Salary Caps
Once again, the profligate ways of the New York Yankees have revived talk of a salary cap in MLB. While I generally approve of salary caps in team sports, and while I hate the Yankees, several recurrent claims in the current discussion irk me: 1. The Yankees should rein in spending because of the bad economy. Guh-wah? Because if they only spend $150 million instead of $200 million they’re somehow taking one for the team? Folks, those ticket... Read More
TDGP Grows Up
So the TDGP wanted a new, sleeker look. We wanted to keep it simple and clean. Not everything is up to speed yet, but it will be soon. We will try to this out for awhile and see what happens. Read More
A Rivers Runs Thru It
If the Bolts beat the Colts then it will be confirmed: He’s the devil. Read More
The Good, The Great, And The Greaterest of 2008
As I sit in my spacious chalet high in the Alps, I cannot help but think back upon a momentous year in sports and, more importantly, The Dwight Gooden Poster’s coverage of sports. Below you will find my favorite TDGP and sports memories from the past 12 months. 10. Giants beat Patriots I hate the New England Patriots. I hate, hate, hate the New England Patriots. I hate their stupid fans, the ridiculous rules that the officials create for... Read More
Stupid Quote of the Day: Steve Phillips
When asked about the Yankees and whether MLB should have a salary cap, Steve Phillips, ESPN analyst and failed NY Mets GM, said this: “How do they unfairly do it? The reality is this. . . this is America. . . this isn’t, this isn’t some other, you know. . . area where we got communism and socialism, this is America. The teams that buy the large market clubs pay a premium for the large market.” I love it when baseball analysts... Read More
Happy Holidays!!
Red and white are often associated with that big ole fatty St. Nick, but here in Indiana red and white often mean this: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1ihZ5xJSNw&hl=en&fs=1]Best wishes to all TDGP readers throughout the holiday season! Read More
TDGP Poll Result: Who has the best hair?
So, the best tennis player of all time (8) sure gave the winner a run for his money. But, in the end, internet denizens came to their senses and notimated: Brian Bosworth (15) as the best haired dude in sports. This guys’ nasta-mullet has been helpfully compared to: and: and: Anyway, you get the point: athletes love the mullet, but no one did it quite like the master of the burn out Bosworth. So, let’s raise our glasses to Bosworth... Read More
Dont Kiss and Tell
Eric Gordon, Prodigal Son of the “let’s make a phone call!” era of IU basketball said this . I dunno. It seems kinda raw to me. Are we talking puff-puff-give drugs or “the clear”? Either way it doesn’t seem like Gordon will be making friends with either Ricky Williams or Barry Bonds anytime soon. I wonder how he is getting along with NBA players? I’m not a big fan of IU basketball (or any semi-pro sports),... Read More
Favorite New Sports Related Establishment: Alimony’s
Brucey likes to play grab grab?? Then you should open this with his money: Maybe Erin Andrews was onto something. Read More
Favorite Sports Related Couple: Kenyon Martin + Trina
He loves her so much, he did this! Read More
Best of 2008
These are in no particular order: -Olympics. Everything about it. I watched like an hour of the marathon. I couldn’t get enough of this shit. I loved the wacky-ass opening ceremony; I loved beach volleyball; I loved the diving; I loved that U.S. sprinter who beat Jeremy Wariner and talked shit afterwards; I loved watching Juan Carlos Navarro throw up those runners; I loved ping pong; etc. Though I was in a pretty stressful situation during... Read More
These are sports things I remember.
9. Bocce. I love bocce, and I got to play it a lot this year.8. Rich Rodriguez: 3-9. West Virginia: 8-4. Sure, I had higher hopes for the Mountaineers, but watching Michigan lose to almost everybody was pretty goddamn gratifying. I know Rodriguez doesn’t have the right players yet for his offense, but fuck that guy. Seriously, fuck that guy. 7. Giants over Patriots. I invented a terrible dance during this game to bring the Giants luck. It worked.... Read More
Sports Moments Doc Hollywood Sty’l-eéëêe
It’s going to be hard to revisit this year of plenitude. At first, all I could think about was how the Pats lost, but that seems so long ago. I am going to stream-of-consciousness this thing. Who knows what will come out!————————————————————————————–08) Shaq’s rhyming... Read More
The Top Ten Most Deezying Sports Highlights of 2008
As we approach Christmas-time, it is time to reflect on those moments that have shaped our engagement with the year in sports. From the mundane to the exceptional to the transcendent, sports can carry us through a gamut of emotions and even contribute to our own senses of self. With that in mind, I give you now my top ten sports moments of 2008. It should be noted that these moments are my moments -- that is, they are the moments that I have found... Read More
Best of 2008
Ok, folks. As we all know and have to some degree documented, 2008 has been a pretty interesting year in sports. From Phil Dalhausser’s stirling perfomance at the Olympics to Joey Dorsey’s brief entrance into the NBA to the debut and cancellation of Buzzin’ on MTV, we’ve had plenty to talk about. Building from our old pal Eric on the music end, I have a request for all of you TDGP members (eric included). Top moments in... Read More
BAM! Happy Friday!
FATTY Roll Call
Why is the fat athlete such a spectacle to behold? Oh I know, it is because they are fat. It seems that “athlete” and “fat” just don’t go together. Imagine a beefy Agassi running down shots on a tennis court or a 300lb Boomer Esiason dropping bombs on the 49ers secondary. Maybe thinking about an obsese Ricky Henderson trying to swipe 2nd base does it for you. Either way, you get the idea. Now, clearly, not all “athletes”... Read More
Andrei Kirilenko Wall of Fame
Snapshot: A Day in the Life of the Detroit Lions
Detroit center Dominic Raiola says he has no remorse for making an obscene gesture toward Lions fans because their heckling went too far. “I’m just so frustrated,” Raiola said. “I’m tired of being a doormat for people to just talk to us how they want to talk to us. I’m just not going to put up with that anymore.” Raiola wishes he could give some fans his home address. “I’d do that, but you can’t,” he said. “Nobody plays... Read More
Fantasy Has Supplanted the Real
To add to Rawley’s thoughts on existence and being, I will forward this theory, that I off-handedly expressed to Rawley as we dined t’other day on chicken and chili: I do not know how to watch professional football anymore if I have no fantasy stake in the game. That is not to say that I have lost my ability to understand the game; I have independent knowledge of the rules of football and of NFL divisions that allows me to comprehend what... Read More
Marinelli Too Abstract for Coaching
Proving once again that he’s in the wrong line of work, Detroit Lions head coach Rod Marinelli responded to the team’s latest defeat with another foray into the unfathomable depths of existence. “I believe in the invisible,” Marinelli said Monday. “I think you go on and you have faith in what you do. If you don’t have it, you’re nothing. You’re not a man.” Quarterback Dan Orlovksy, seen shaking... Read More
Sports and the Body
Last night I was lucky enough to catch the Celtics v. Pacers OT game in Indianapolis at Jose Canseco Fieldhouse. While the game was a very interesting back-and-forth battle between a titan of the scene and a team on the rise, what I couldn’t help but notice (from row 21 – bam) was Ray Allen’s calves. We were far enough away that we couldn’t see the players sweat, but we could see his freaking monster calves. Now I know why... Read More
The Professional / College Talent Divide
The hyper stink-i-tude of the Detroit Lions (0-12 and counting) this year got me thinking: What is the talent gap between professional sports teams and their semi-professional (let’s be honest about what college sports really are) collegiate counterparts? So, I pose a question to ye faithful TDGP readers: If the best college football and basketball teams in the United States each played the worst NFL and NBA teams 100 times, how many times... Read More
Craig Sager’s Museum of Suits
I am downright revolted at the lack of decent Craig Sager pictures on the internets. This NEEDS to be addressed. Until then: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NDB4hnFjJ-I&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
Is the NHL Going to Suspend Fox Sports?
The Sporting Blog highlights a poll that was apparently on Fox Sports today. Here is the poll:So I ask you, friends, if this whole Sean Avery thing is so offensive that he has to be indefinitely suspended and probably cut from his team, will the NHL or the Stars do anything to Fox Sports? Will they stop talking to their reporters? Will they make a public statement of condemnation? Of course they won’t. They need the publicity, even if they think... Read More
Poll Result: How Hot are Joe Buck and Tim McCarver?
How hot are sports announcers Joe Buck and Tim McCarver? According to TDGP’s poll they are so cold that they reach the unrealizable: zero kelvin. . . absolute zero. Congrats on being so bad that a bunch of grad school douche bags think they are better than yous guys. Oh, and remember this?: You go Deion! Read More
Apology? Apology! Apology?!?!
Sean Avery, Seamus McGee’s fav hockey player, apparently apologized for this: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NQB6ul2kzw&hl=en&fs=1] YOU KNOW HE DIDN’T MEAN IT WHEN HE SAID SORRY. Read More
Plaxicon
Plaxico n (1977): Idiot. One who wastes advantages handed to him. Dumbass. Is there anything I need to say about this toolbag? While I am not one who says that athletes cannot go out to clubs in the middle of the morning, I am one who says two things: First, unless you make sure to draw attention to yourself, no one is going to really notice you. Leave your platinum chains at home and just have some fun. Or is that not why you are at the club?... Read More
Make Like a Tree
So there’s a newish quasi-doc about the short rise and still-rolling fall of Ryan Leaf. Normally I would jump at the opportunity to watch something like this (considering my status as one of the only remaining Leaf fans), but the doc looks so terrible that I’m going to have to pass. In a somewhat painful-looking Erroll Morris ape, the filmmaker does some almost reinactments in which he plays Leaf. Ok, I kinda want to see it. I might... Read More
When it Comes to Green Bay Coaches, Fat is Out
I am sure that most NFL fans know the deal: former Green Bay coaches populate the league like stink on a monkey. While we’ve thankfully rid ourselves of Mariucci and Sherman, we still have to deal with perhaps the the two most over-rated coaches in the NFL, two of the fatter, most-mustachioed men in the league: Reid and Holmgren. But wait, you say, they have had great successes in their respective cities, and other GB coaches Gruden and Coughlin... Read More
Maurice Morrissey
So the NFL has been using a cover Morrissey song “Everyday is Like Sunday” from his delightful “Viva Hate” album. They just repeat the line “every day is like Sunday” over and over. It’s pretty funny if you’re a pervert like me. There’s some irony to this because the NFL is presumably trying to create a positive image for itself with a song with the refrain of “come Armageddon.”... Read More
Calipari Rides Again
Dude gets the top high school player to go to Memphis. Boom to tha shakalak. Proof that morals are stupid and the Pacino’s character in The Devil’s Advocate knew the score. Calipari’s like any of these other sleazeball coaches, with one key difference: he’s sleazier and won’t get caught. Teflon Don, daddy. Never stick. Even Chaney’s punches, had they been thrown, would have slid right offski. That said, I... Read More
It’s Cool, Barry
So, one of TDGP’s patron saints, the illustrious and uber-stylish Barry Melrose was fired from the lowly Tampa Bay Lightning just 16 games into their season. First of all, that seems pretty unfair. The guy only get a few months to prepare and then is canned less than a third of the way through the season. I reckon there was some administrative bitchiness going on. Barry is a diva. Second, I think might just be God’s decree: Melrose... Read More
Things Mike Singletary Says
I want to start a new post format: Things Mike Singletary Says. Anyone can leave a TMSS post, just one rule: Mike Singletary has to have said it. For example: Gore reported earlier in the day that he had suffered a concussion during Monday night’s loss to Arizona, and that he was still experiencing headaches. Singletary refuted that claim, however. “Frank Gore is a football player,” said Singletary. “He does not know what... Read More
How to Watch Hockey on TV
I have a confession to make: I am from the United States, and I love ice hockey (field hockey: also fun). Hockey is famously unpopular in this country, except in Detroit, where it satisfies white people’s thirst for violence while allowing them to continue avoiding actual Detroit (sorry, Detroit: you had it coming). But hockey is much more than a sublimation of racial guilt. It’s also a delightful sport that can be enjoyed by all, if you know... Read More
Update: Failed Redesign, Obliterated Poll
You may notice a slightly new look to TDGP today. After a failed redesign attempt we have reverted back to our original (but slightly modified) template. After sifting through and applying Nadal, Shaqtus, and Pregnancy themed templates. . . nothing quite worked. A sad byproduct of this redesign failure is the death of all our widgets, most importantly, the poll widget. Thus, today we weep for the “How Many Golf Balls Can You Fit in Your Mouth?”... Read More
Don’t Worry About It
If he stays healthy, I see the Suns going deep all up in the Playoffs. . . [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lfg0--GbjVI&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
Raiders and Rams to Join “Lions Consortium”
ABOVE: Jake Delhomme searches for an open Raider defender. A week after they totaled 10 team passing yards, the Oakland Raiders found a new way to confound the naysayers who said they could not possibly suck any more: they lost to The Carolina Panthers 17-6 in a game in which Jake Delhomme threw for a mere 72 yards on 7-27 passing and totaled four interceptions. For those who are bad at math, that means that Delhomme threw the ball to his own team... Read More
Remember Back When?
I think that in 30 years time we all need to get together and reminisce about our fav Ryan Leaf moments. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMe0Rz1frdE&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
Athletes Endorsing Obama
I was watching the Monday Night Football halftime interviews Chris Berman conducted with Barack Obama and Jon McCain and I realized that, at least on my radar, athletes haven’t been too terribly active in the 2008 presidential campaign. I read something about Curt Schilling simultaneously endorsing McCain while advising Americans not to vote for candidates because celebrities endorse them and I heard last summer that LeBron James donated some... Read More
Video Surveillance
Is it ironic that last year the Pats were in trouble for apparently spying on other teams and now they are using their own visible evidence to prove their players’ innocence? I don’t think it is. But it definitely shows the power of the good ole referent in the world of the NFL. I’ve heard that the Pats are currently spying on my fantasy football rosters and making sure not to play anyone who happens to wind up on my roster due... Read More
Singletary’s Dingleberries
Apparently, fellow cat-lover Mike Singletary dropped his pants at half-time to dramatize a point to his team en route to their loss to the lowly Seattle Seahawks last Sunday. I don’t really have anything to say about this except that I think it’s kind of funny and that it’s interesting to see the kinds of things that people who have some new authority will do in order to put their stamp on a team. It also makes me think about how... Read More
Jerry Manuel: Keepin’ It Gangsta
As already mentioned on this blog, Jerry Manuel (Mets’ manager) likes to keep it gangsta. Case in point, Mets’ new 3rd base coach: Read More
Mike Nolan: Fashionostalgianista
So Mike Nolan got fired and now we don’t have any more NFL coaches (to my knowledge) who don’t wear a Reebok sweatsuit. I liked the suits and sort of had a thing for the 49ers because of Nolan’s status as a fashionostalgianista. On the upside, we are now likely to be treated to the Mike Singletary era. A fellow cat lover, super bowl shuffler, and creepy glasses wearer, Singletary will bring some cheese to the decidedly lactose-deprived... Read More
The Phillies Are In The World Series
We don’t talk about actual sports competition a whole lot around here. We’re not journalists, nor do we pretend to be. And we don’t all share the same team allegiances. But I thought I’d at least mention the first team to make its league’s championship series since we started this little blog. Rot in hell, Phillies. Or, alternately, bring back these guys: Read More
The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Sixth Official Poll Result
Which golfer would make the best porn star? The answer is in: Read More
Is it just me, or is this a stupid article?
So I returned home this evening to read Eric Neel’s article about the latest Angels loss to the Red Sox. Too bad for the Angels. They’re a likeable team. But how about that article, eh? It really captures the tragedies of sports: “Down 4-1 with two outs and the bases loaded in the first inning, right fielder Juan Rivera grounded out to shortstop. Down 5-2 with two outs and runners on first and third in the fourth inning, left fielder... Read More
Whither The Business?
These are the two greatest referee calls in the history of American football: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yq9AxoOP94&hl=en&fs=1] But they’re both rather old. Why haven’t we seen this call more recently? Where has our beloved business gone? I think Ed Hochuli could redeem himself in an instant with such a call. Placing these two at the top of Officiating Mountain, what are your favorite calls? As a side note, have... Read More
What Is It To Be ‘Gangsta’?
A couple of days ago, crestfallen Mets fans were looking for something to cheer for; and they got it in the form of a complete game 3-hitter from lefty ace Johan Santana. In a game that the Mets had to have to keep their playoff hopes alive, Santana came off three-days rest and a game in which he had pitched a 125-pitch complete game shutout to wow fans with another commanding pitching performance. After the game, Mets manager addressed the media... Read More
Adios Shea
Camus and the NFL?
Pre-Game Coin Toss Makes Jacksonville Jaguars Realize Randomness Of Life Read More
Least Favorite non-playing Personalities Involved in Sports Media
Without question, the Sklar Brothers. Not funny. They say dumb shit and try to spin it in a funny direction by finishing each other’s sentences and then giving the aren’t-we-cute smile into the camera. The only way I would watch these guys is if they were on a show with Woody Paige, Joe Morgan, the guy from ESPN who looks like a turtle and talks about football, Gallagher, The guy who played Gideon in The Crow, Duff McKagan, Tyler Perry,... Read More
Who would win?
Question. Who would win the 100yard dash to the hot dog? Mark Mangino. Phil Fulmer. Charlie Weiss. Ralph Friedgen. Read More
I forgive you, Ed Hochuli.
Following last Sunday’s debacle in Denver, I gave up on Ed Hochuli. “That SOB has finally done it this time!” I proclaimed in the middle of the Bloomington area Coaches Bar and Grill, after Hochuli incorrectly ruled Jay Cutler’s fumble an incomplete pass. Hochuli’s mistake nearly cost me a much needed fantasy football victory, which I prize like a piece of toast emblazoned with the visage of the blessed virgin herself.... Read More
The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Fifth Official Poll Result
What is your favorite lawn game I ask? Badminton, Badminton, Badminton they reply! Poor bocce ball gave it a shot. Jarts and horseshoes thought about it. Uppity croquet didn’t stand a chance (Note: I think croquet is fine as a pseudo-sport, but the readers hath spoken). Thus, today, September 10th, 2008 TDGP anoints badminton the official lawn sport of all good Americans. If you do not play badminton once a year you haven’t really sucked... Read More
Who would make the best Porn star?
Camillo Villegas K.J. Choi John Daly I initially thought Villegas would be a shoe in with the cut physique, and unnaturally colored, flowing hair, but the other two seem to have some qualities that might make them competitive. Discuss. Read More
More Madden Action
This has got to be fate or fake, you decide. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITZCr6gR8gA&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
NFL Repeateth, Autumn Cometh
Okay, so we dont have this in Bloomington, IN: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1O44IGy9u4&hl=en&fs=1] But, we do have this: That’s right, Coaches is in full effect. It’s about the only place in the world to drink overpriced buckets of beer and see the NFL get richer and richer off some dudes who want to compete over meaningless shit. I, for one, am excited. Read More
And We’re Off…
In my excitement over the NFL season’s beginning I started scouring for tickets to games in cities I might be around this fall and winder. I was most closely checking for Seahawks tickets and the cheapest I could find were $155. It’s a bit fooked that a league whose roots lie in factory towns like Canton, Ohio and Hamilton, Indiana has eliminated the possibility for members of the contemporary working class to attend a game. And it kind of... Read More
To Darren McFadden or not to Darren McFadden?
That is the question. The TDGP’s local Bloomington chapter is having their annual fantasy football draft tomorrow. It’s a really big day. We were going to get a party ball, but it was a rip off. So we got some high lifes, some quiche, some bloody marys, a will, and a way. The best player in our league is a girl. She knows her stuff (although some would debate this point, but they prolly have other issues to deal with too). I may wear a... Read More
The LPGA: Racist, Xenophobic, or Just Stupid?
You’ve probably heard about the new LPGA rule requiring players who have been on tour for at least two years to be able to speak English or face a suspension. You’ve probably said to yourself, like almost every article I’ve read about the policy, “Wow, that’s kinda racist” (for the record, Padraig Harrington and K.J. Choi think it’s sketchy, and Tiger Woods, as expected, has no comment). The LPGA, of course, defends the policy as a... Read More
Just a Regular Ole’ Thursday Afternoon
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f1z03b1wveM&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
Remembering Kevin Duckworth
Sad news in the sports world, as Kevin Duckworth unexpectedly passed away Monday night. The center best known for his years with the Portland Trailblazers, Duckworth contributed to some of the most exciting years in the history of the franchise. Growing up in Indiana, I was not connected to professional basketball in the Pacific Northwest on any profound level, yet Duckworth figured prominently into my enjoyment of the exciting NBA basketball of... Read More
Yo, Philips: Tell me how my ass taste!
As millions of idiots clamor to determine who had the most impressive Olympic performance – Michael Phelps or Usain Bolt (the clear omission of Ethiopia’s Kenenisa Bekele invalidates the whole process for me) – largely lost in all the message board posts, newspaper columns, and TV punditry is the fact that Bolt put a major league rhetorical smackdown on Phelps. Asked whether he could compare his performance to Phelps, Bolt answered,... Read More
Historical Sports Reflection — Crying
Tweaking the Olympics, Intermission
Race walking. When I see one man pass another at 5 miles per hour, I see the face of God. Please, IOC, if you have any mercy, put this sport to sleep. Read More
Tweaking the Olympics, Part 2
More events: 5. Fix the gymnastics scoring. Judging in sports is inherently problematic. We all understand this—part of the fun of watching sports is complaining about officiating. But when two athletes tie on an apparatus, let it remain a tie. Don’t have a tiebreaker based on dropping the lowest remaining score after the highest and lowest have been dropped (seriously, this is embarrassingly stupid). Also, figure out a better way to incorporate... Read More
In-Sain Bolt
Days after basically cabbage-patching his way down the last 20 meters of the men’s Olympic 100-meter final, one he ran in a world record time of 9.69 seconds, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt has just set another world record by winning the men’s 200-meter final in 19.30 secs. He beat Michael Johnson’s mark by .02 secs, a mark many thought would last for decades before being broken. Not since Carl Lewis in 1984 has anyone pulled off... Read More
Tweaking the Olympics, Part 1
The Olympics are pretty good. I spend too much time watching them—I simply can’t pry my eyes away from preliminary men’s water polo. But the Olympics aren’t perfect. They could use some adjustments, in terms of both the events themselves and the American broadcasting (I don’t know how good the broadcasting is in other countries). In fact, they could use many adjustments, so here is the first installment of an ongoing series, which focuses... Read More
Update: Pole Vaulters
Although she lost to Sergey Bubka in TDGP’s Third Official Poll as best/coolest/illest pole vaulter of all time, Yelena Isinbayeva of Russia broke her own world record with a 16 feet, 6 3/4 inches (5.05 meters) jump to win a second consecutive Olympic pole vault gold medal. She once again stuck it to her rival Jenn Stuczynski of the United States. The men’s pole vault final? It is not until August 22nd, come on! You knew that. Get on... Read More
The Thrill of No Costass
OK so Saturday August 16th will not go down as the greatest day in sports history, that is unless Costasshole or Jeremy “I have my tongue so far up Phelp’s sphincter that I can taste chlorine” Schaap happen to be making a report on that date in the future, but it was a schizophrenic sports day for this member of TDGP. It started with taking my nephew and wife to see maybe the worst team in professional sports right at this moment,... Read More
TDGP Hero Parade – Becky Hammon
So, the U.S. team didn’t want her, she goes to play for the Russian team which ain’t all that strange since she “competes for a Russian club team during the winter and became a naturalized citizen there. Since she hadn’t played for the United States in any major FIBA-sanctioned international events, she was allowed to compete for Russia in the Olympics” (NY Daily News). Anne Donovan, U.S. team coach, calls her a “traitor.”... Read More
Conservative Streaks Manifest in Desperate Times
What’s with the requirements for representing a country in the Olympics? Can the relatives that give you eligibility be by marriage? Can you “work” in that country through doing business on exotic porn sites? What if you just use that theory about how there are so many particles in the universe that, at the microscopic level, everything is somehow intertwined with everything else? If you like SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE can you participate... Read More
Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAsQIhNDsLQ&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
Woods Updates Status; World’s Breath Understandably Bated
Above: Woods smiles about his decision not to putt. Though the emergence of young pros such as Anthony Kim and Chez Reavie and the recent Major dominance of Padraig Harrington have provided the game of golf ample intriguing storylines in the past couple months, fans still clamor for word of the world’s best golfer,Tiger Woods. Therefore, it is no surprise that Tiger’s recent post on his... Read More
Olympics Opening Ceremony
I’ve continually heard how “majestic” and “delightful” people thought the Olympics opening ceremonies were. I half agree. On the one hand, the ceremonies looked great. On the other hand, those of us who were unfortunate enought to watch it on NBC had to deal with Costas’ sidekick, Mr. China expert who continually tried to educate us ‘mericans about the “symbolism” behind many of the ceremonies’... Read More
I Want to Have Padraig Harrington’s Baby
Following another final round where Padraig Harrington did all the right things down the stretch to win the PGA Championship and his third major, I have decided that he should impregnate me. Some will say that Sergio Garcia choked it away and that Padraig was the guy that just happened to be there; and, it is true that Sergio led with three to play and then plunked one into the water on 16 with only a short iron in his hand, missed a 4-ft birdie... Read More
The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Fourth Official Poll Result
Apparently we have very savvy readers here at TDGP. At the end of the day, after a little flirtation with stupidity, you decided that it was statistically impossible to choose any other country than China in the “Which country will win the most medals at the 2008 Olympics?” poll. Poor Germany couldn’t even get a vote. Poor Italy got one vote. Russia and GB tried. Some people thought the novelty pick of Michael Phelps would be best,... Read More
Listen for it….
Currently watching the U.S. men’s basketball team playing against China. As NBC went to commercial break, what music was played? That’s right, the old “NBA on NBC” theme, written by John Tesh. I nearly crapped myself and screamed for my wife to come into the office and witness the magic with me. She just came to door, looked at me jumping up and down in my underwear, and cried. Read More
LeBron’s European Vacation
While the NBA frets about all of its players leaving for lucrative contracts to play in Europe, LeBron James has come up as someone who may be willing to make the hop if offered something like $50 million (which is pretty awesome–the CEO of the most profitable company in the U.S., Exxon, made less than half that last year). This raises two questions: 1. $50 million? European teams can pay one guy that much? Top soccer players don’t... Read More
Fortunately Unfortunate Sports Names, pt. 3
I was hoping someone else would post something to spread out the madness of unfortunate names. Alas, this desire will go quenchless. Fabian Assman: Where does this guy get off objectifying women like that? Or men for that matter (I’m not sure what he is into). Hey, it’s all okay at TDGP, we accept everyone. Anyway, maybe the Argentinians pronounce this differently butt in this country it’s definitely ass-man. Dick Trickle: Apparently,... Read More
Fortunately Unfortunate Sports Names, pt. 2
After thinking about it, I wish I had done this as a battle royale where all Fortunately Unfortunate Sports Names could duke it out until one rises above the beaten, bloody heap. Oh wel, where was I? Oh yes. . . Harry Colon: Well, well, well. . . where do we begin? I am sure I know where we will end, but where to begin? Harry was forced to retire because of neck injuries and was the star of on Oct 20, 1997 Associated Press article: “Lions’... Read More
Recruiting PR
Some of you may have already come across this article on ESPN.com, but I think it is interesting enough to give some attention on TDGP. The article discusses some of the ways that college coaches attempt to get potential recruits’ attention when watching them play in summer league games. Some coaches are upping the ante from the usual polo shirt with an embroidered school logo. An IU assistant coach is starting to watch players while wearing... Read More
I Hate Brett Farve
Sports news latches onto stories, as we know. And, of course, the Farve story is a big one–one of the most storied (if not best) quarterbacks ever is in contractual limbo because he finally but not really retired, and the Packers, believe it or not, want to move on. I’m not a sympathizer of owners. People say that professional sports teams don’t make cash, but they really make plenty, especially compared to a meat packer, who... Read More
Fortunately Unfortunate Sports Names, pt. 1
Why is a unique name so memorable for a sports figure? Why do I smile when I hear the name Coco Crisp? The Crisps of the world aside, what I want to talk about today are athletes with names that only make their achievements all the greater. Today I will start a sporadic smattering of posts dedicated to such heroes. Dick Mast: Maybe this is a poor starting point. Maybe Dick Mast is actually a good name to have . . . off the golf course. Yet, on the... Read More
I Wish I Knew The Name of Mike Tyson’s Tiger He Loved More Than the Other Tigers
“Paul Monea was a business man who once made some money selling TaeBo workout tapes featuring none other than Billy Blanks…One of his purchases was the former home of Mike Tyson in 1999 for the price of 1.3 million. Tyson had since moved to Vegas and the home was For Sale. Monea didn’t buy it because he needed a home… he already had a much nicer home. I suppose it was to be an investment property? Regardless, from what I understand... Read More
Jon Bon Jovi Awarded Large Trophy For Most Interesting Application Of T-Shirt
Congratulations to Jon Bon Jovi, whose Philadelphia Soul won the Arena Bowl on Sunday. While many probably see the AB as an indication that NFL training camps are starting, the Bon Jovi household is celebrating its latest addition of hardware. Here’s to another season of Arena League football! Read More
wins? Wins?? WINS???
This idea comes from the poetic ramblings of Seamus McGee. Here is, transcribed below, his ramblings reproduced with an incredibly high amount of fidelity: This has been gone over. Over and over again and again. People know this. People feel it in their blood and their other bodily portions. It is not a surprise. And yet. And yet Roger Clemens won the Cy Young in 2001. It happened. No one cared that the five people who finished behind him... Read More
Oklahoma City
So it appears that the new Oklahoma City NBA team is currently in the process of deciding on their name. Options include the Bisons, Marshalls (I guess this is misspelled), Energy, Wind, and Thunder. If I may make one minor suggestion. It not 1992. The singular, elemental names have lost their tingle. While this may be the case, it does not appear that America is willing to part with them. Be that as it may, these names are generally piss-poor.... Read More
Sports and Aged Body
The other night I chatted with some fellow TDGP compatriots about something that has been on my mind. As I get older, I notice that athletic things (whatever those things may be) are growing incrementally harder. So, I asked to the peanut gallery: “Which professional sport do you think leaves the least wear and tear on your body?” Of course we immediately eliminated football. Those guys are prototype cyborgs by the time they are 45-50.... Read More
Choking and Sports
In the wake of Greg Norman’s collapse in the final round of the British Open, the word “choke” is once again on the tip of a lot of peoples’ tongues. Many have argued that Norman did not choke this last time, despite the fact that he held a two-stroke lead entering the final round and lost the tournament by 6 strokes. They cite his age and the fact that “he shouldn’t have even been there” as excuses for... Read More
The Best Goddamn Sports Movie Ever
In The Man From Left Field, great American Burt Reynolds plays Jack Robinson, a former major leaguer suffering from amnesia following a string of personal tragedies, including (I think; it’s kind of hard to tell) the death of his wife during childbirth. His haggard frame haunts the left field of a Miami little league field, where a ragtag team whose parents are too poor or too disinterested to buy them uniforms eventually corner him in the... Read More
Conspiracy Theories
Jerry Manuel sort of resembles New York’s new Governor, David Paterson. In addition to the less than striking resemblance, both earned their positions while their organizations were in disarray. Coincidence?Christian Bale: the new king of the Hollywood blockbuster franchise, turning around bankrupt traditions (assuming Terminator 4 works out, which it will…trust me). Bill Parcells: the king of turning around bankrupt football franchises... Read More
Breaking News! Packers swap places.
The Doc has learned that, in an unprecedented move, CBS has agreed to swap veteran color commentator Billy Packer for legendary NFL quarterback Brett Favre. “This is a coup for us,” CBS President Les Moonves told reporters at a hastily called news conference this afternoon. “We have long valued Mr. Favre and welcome his homespun Mississippi-isms as part of our sports coverage. He will go a long way toward offsetting Jim Nantz’s utter... Read More
Where Was Williams’ Frozen Head?
Far be it from me to quash the pageantry of baseball, but I think today’s pre-game All-Star “celebration” was a bit much. First, there was a superfluous parade, which, in itself, is fine, I guess: if people want to line streets to see some stars, I’m OK with that side of it. But, then, as starting line-ups were being announced, MLB trotted out as many corpses and old-timers as they could find. Granted, I understand these... Read More
The Woman, The Myth, The Bruce Pearl Hater
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsGCItJ7q4I&hl=en&fs=1] Dear Erin Andrews, 1. If Bruce Pearl hugs you, be gracious. Actually, be super-excited. 2. If Bruce Pearl says something, don’t just repeat what he says. 3. Miah is in love with you, I am not. Read More
Teofilo Stevenson
One of the Olympic events that I’m looking forward to is boxing. You get to see the sport in a totally different context during the Olympics—without the Vegas, Don King, Mark Cuban accompanying Mayweather after fights kind of stuff. While this is actually the sort of thing that makes me interested in boxing (which, as you all know, seems to be in serious trouble as a sport and in danger of entertainment Darwinism at the hands of MMA’s evolution)... Read More
Indiana Jones and the Bag of Cocaine
It’s true. Matt Jones really does blow! People have been telling me this for years and I guess I misunderstood. What better way to wrap up a year of rapidly diminishing returns, a year where your team essentially said “Wow, we should pick up some receivers in the off season. It kind of sucks not having receivers on a football team. I guess they’re kind of important for catching the ball and stuff”. I’m sure there’s... Read More
In Praise of Athletic Beauty
I just read this book called IN PRAISE OF ATHLETIC BEAUTY written by a sentimental literary critic by the name of Hans Ulrich Gumbrecht. It’s essentially 250 or so pages of his musings about why he loves sports and the reasons why he thinks sports are aesthetically pleasing. The weird thing about the book is that it is philosophical yet written in a very accessible manner. He’ll describe Kantian aesthetics for a couple of sentences and then... Read More
Clipper Curse
The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Third Official Poll Result
Who is your favorite pole vaulter? Apparently this contest was no contest at all. Sergey Bubka tallied 33 more votes than the second place finisher. This should, at first glance, be considered a classic beat down. Although I do leave open the notion that the International Sergey Bubka Fan Club pooled resources to help their man win. All the same, we don’t salute technique, “the game,” heart, or grit on TDGP. All we give it up to... Read More
END OF A FED-ERA-ER
Reflections on the NBA Draft, Part 2: Sort Of
Did I miss something over the last four years or is Patrick Ewing Jr. not THAT good? There seems to be some “let’s hire Vinny Del Negro” logic at play here with hope that his Pop’s bedtime stories about John Starks and Anthony Mason will turn him into an NBA force. I wish him the best, but these types of things are mind-boggling. Changing gears, when trying to find out how this guy got drafted, I started looking into top prospect for next... Read More
happy 4th of july from TDGP!!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU7XsoQXSW8&hl=en&fs=1] Read More
Fantasy Golf is, well, the perfect experience.
I second everything Dr. Lahey said. His license is reinstated. I still hate Joe Buck. Carry on. Read More
Man’s Man, Golfer’s Golfer
If you don’t know Brandt Snedeker, then you probably don’t play fantasy golf every week. Kudos for saving a little time for yourself in the hustle and bustle of our 24 hr news day, postmodern deluge of images, work, and exhaustion. Well, actually, the more I think about it, Fuck You, fantasy golf is awesome and you should play. Why? 1. I know who Brandt Snedeker is. He is the motherfuckin’ PGA rookie of the year. He’s real... Read More
Joe Buck Is A Fucking Idiot
Joe Buck doesn’t watch baseball games (or, apparently, any other sport) unless he’s announcing them. As is well documented, Joe Morgan doesn’t either. Is it just bad announcers named Joe, or all bad announcers, or all announcers? What the fuck is going on with announcers? Colin Cowherd, about whom the less said the better, complains during the interview that he can’t watch baseball because he has a job and kids–and... Read More
I Think Someone Should Write a Book About This Image
Olympic Fever: Catch it!
Marching through my veins like an unstoppable rebel force is Olympic Fever! In the last few days I have seen swimmers Michael Phelps, Natalie Coughlin and Aaron Peirsol set world records at the US Olympic Swimming Trials in Omaha, Nebraska. On Sunday, I watched as Tyson Gay ran 100 meters faster than any other human being has ever run; at a wind-aided 9.68 seconds, his speed perplexed and excited me, setting up a tremendous Olympic showdown between... Read More
Reflections on the NBA Draft, Part 1
For a brief, ecstatic moment the Portland Trailblazers had Joey Dorsey—the guy who gets double-doubles with blocks and rebounds. The Blazers don’t really need him (though I’m sure they could use him) and I have some faith in their future, but who wouldn’t want this guy? He’s huge, intimidating as hell, and knows exactly what’s expected of him: play defense, knock people around, grab the ball, don’t goaltend, try to shoot over 50% from... Read More
Eat this Germany!!!!!
Huhnnn-eihhhn! Sharapova Falls at Wimbledon
Am I the only one happy that Maria Sharapova fell today to the 22nd ranked player… in Russia?! When young upstart Alla Kudryavtseva dismantled the 3rd-seated Sharapova, a wondrously wide smile stretched across my face, and I believe I even gave a fist pump. For a good while, I have disliked Sharapova because of her unwarranted smugness and constant “gamesmanship”– (historically, when matches are not going her way, Sharapova... Read More
CWS
After half-following the College World Series for the past few weeks, I’m led to wonder why college baseball is not even close to popular. Teams routinely score over 10 runs (Fresno State won their game against Georgia on Tuesday by a score of 19-10), there are lots of home runs, and the players seem pretty enthusiastic about being involved. Also, and this is what I think makes it most entertaining, there is something cool about watching players... Read More
Let’s Give Praise Where Praise Is Due
While the poll vault continues (see left), I’d like to introduce a supplementary survey topic: who is your favorite sports analyst? Let’s face it: there is a ton of bad sports analysis out there, from local radio to ESPN. It’s tough to find new things to say about sports on a daily basis, but certain sports suffer more than others. Things are particularly bad for baseball, as dutifully documented here. The NBA is well-served, though... Read More
Headlines!
Sometimes we do not have time to read through all the stories being written or have time to write them ourselves. Therefore, I have compiled here a list of headlines of the most compelling recent sports news stories so that we can all get the gist of them without having to do the work: Pau’s Brother Marc to Join Grizz Next Season; Execs Already Seeking Way to Trade Gasol for $13, Bus Pass Over-Confident Federer Dispatches Hrbaty in First Round... Read More
Tell Me How My Ass Tastes
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_a5k4HfHij0&hl=en] Read More
The Like-the-Sport/Hate-the-League Index
First of all, Barry Melrose is going to be the Tampa Bay Lightning’s new coach next year. I am now mildly interested in hockey and hope he incorporates some of his signature pastel-infused style into the league. ‘This might be sort of an unfair idea considering the fact that most professional sports organizations, as multibillion dollar enterprises are wont to be, are more dastardly than a mesh pair of Depends, but I’ve recently concocted... Read More
Good luck at Wimbledon Federer!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufq1vvMUV9Q&hl=en] Read More
Matsui’s Wife to Grace Pages of Maxim
Anly Matsui, wife of Yankee outfielder, Hideki Matsui, is reported to be featured in an upcoming spread for Maxim magazine. The young Japanese woman has been the buzz of the baseball world since her famous husband showed a picture of her during a press conference this Spring. Mrs. Matsui, pictured above, says she is shy by nature, but is learning to embrace her new-found popularity and sexuality. “You know,” she said in a soon-to-be-published... Read More
Get To Know Your Friendly Pole Vaulter
Having some trouble deciding who you want to vote for in the pre-Olympic media marketing blitz “In honor of the upcoming Olympics, who is your favorite pole vaulter?” poll? The folks at The Dwight Gooden Poster want to help you out. 1) Sergey Bubka: Widely considered to be the best pole vaulter ever. Now, Ronald Reagan wouldn’t have liked him (dude’s a former commie), but here at TDGP we are more forgiving, open, and not prone... Read More
Anti-Wahlberg/Shyamalan Conspiracy? It’s happening!
Some viewers of last Sunday’s game 5 of the NBA finals claimed to have spotted Mark Wahlberg in the stands, a presence that went unacknowledged by ABC when they surveyed the crowd for the celebrities in attendance. Well, the Sports Illustrated image clearly places him at the game, in a rather prominent position and, while he’s no Dyan Cannon, you’d think that he’d warrant mention…unless you consider that his current movie is directed by... Read More
Sampras Vomit
How cool is Pete Sampras? Not only did he recently announce his love for Roger Federer and his willingness to fly to Australia just to give him a hug if he breaks Pete’s career major record there (although dr. lahey would likely claim that this trip will be financed by R Fed’s alleged Nazi gold), but he’s also the only tennis player that I’ve ever seen puke on the court during a match and win (he’s actually the only player who I’ve... Read More
The Dwight Gooden Poster’s Second Official Poll Result
Who is your favorite NBA big man?? To almost no one’s surprise Shaq, The Diesel, Shaq Fu, The Big Aristotle, The Big Daddy, Superman, The Big Agave, The Big Cactus, The Big Shaqtus, Wilt Chamberneezy, The Big Baryshnikov, The Real Deal, Dr. Shaq, M.D.E., Osama Bin Shaq (“for terrorizing Keith Van Horn under the boards”), The Big Banana (“I peel the life out of the Nets”), The Big Deporter (after eliminating Arvydas Sabonis and Rik... Read More
Who Owns God’s Sweet Voice?
As some of you all may know by now, I have a mild interest in NFL Films–both the films themselves and NFL Films as a sports institution. Much of my interest in these films was kindled by the late NFL Films narrator John Facenda. Facenda had a singular oaken delivery that instantly romanticized phrases like “it starts with a whistle and ends with a gun”; “the frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” and “there goes Marcus... Read More
Scalabringin’ It!
Boston Celtics power forward Brian Scalabrine finally captured his first NBA championship on Tuesday evening after seven brilliant seasons as the Eastern Conference’s premier redhead. While “The Brine,” as his teammates call him, was unable to compete in the playoffs due to a groin injury, his energy and intensity were crucial parts of the Celtics’ dominant performance in game 6 of the NBA Finals, which Boston won 131-92.... Read More
All-Hate Team
A few weeks ago, when the Spurs and Lakers were playing their playoff series, I started thinking about my own “all-hate team” of NBA players. This is a team of the current players I hate the most, one at each position, plus a sixth man. I still haven’t found a center for that team (seriously, what NBA center is there to hate?), but I thought it would be interesting to put these kinds of teams together for various sports. Rather than... Read More
Athlete Families
If anyone watched the LA Lakers try to give the Celtics the Championship in Game 5 on Sunday night you may have noticed the conspicuous presence of Kobe “I strive for excellence” Bryant’s family meeting him in the halls at halftime and the end of the game. Another sports blog (as good??!!!??!?!?), The Meaningful Collateral has also noted Kobe’s PR mediocrity. Now, I get showing families at points of tension in sports (notably... Read More
Tiger Woods : Pretty Good at Golf
I just got finished watching the US Open playoff, which was some of the best theater in recent sports memory. Tiger had a seemingly insurmountable 3 stroke lead with 8 holes to play, but Rocco Mediate, with a bit of help from Tiger, stormed back to take a 1 stroke lead with 3 to play. Of course, Tiger birdied 18 and then won immediately on the first sudden-death hole. Add to that Tiger’s Friday back nine, his Saturday eagle binge and yesterday’s... Read More
More on the MLB Instant Replay
More talk of the road to slowsville here. It actually looks to be a somewhat reasonable plan, which has me a bit worried. A provocative memo surfaced. For instance, no Piniella tantrum-replays: If the replay plan laid out in the memo is adopted, it will differ significantly from what is used in the National Football League, because major league managers would have no power to prompt a replay. In the NFL, head coaches initiate the use of replay,... Read More
Turning the Madness into Skrill
When I was a kid I used to wonder if my presence as a spectator watching a game on tv might have any impact on the game that is being played. For instance, after Ken Griffey Jr. poked out a homer, I would think, “Golly gee, man. Would he have hit that out if I wasn’t watching?” After he would strike out or pop up, I would wonder, “Aw sucksorama! He probably would have hit a triple if my goofy ass wasn’t watching.” Though this might... Read More
The Dwight Gooden Poster’s First Poll Result
In a late push (the Japanese tend to be late voters in online polls), Bobby Valentine took a commanding lead and punished Willie Randolph (2nd place), Davey Johnson (3rd place), and strictly-for-fun-never-was-but-wants-to-be-Mets-manager Gary Carter (4th place) to become The Dwight Gooden Poster certified best Mets manager ever. It’s not surprising to see why Bobby won. 1) He is charismatic, as noted by decision to sneak back into the Mets’... Read More
A New Theory of Coaching Hires
Given that NBA teams are privately owned, it makes sense that owners want to maximize profits from running the franchise. This can sometimes have perverse effects on the performance of clubs; it is well documented that the LA Clippers are perennially profitable even though they continually lose and fail to make the playoffs. NBA revenue streams are largely the result of merchandising and television contracts. However, attendance accounts for a large... Read More
Hiring a Head Coach in the NBA?
I’ve been a bit mystified lately by what we might call the logic of hiring a head coach—specifically as this dubious method applies to the NBA. It was just reported that Vinny Del Negro accepted the head coaching job for the Chicago Bulls—one of the more coveted vacancies up for grabs of late. Del Negro has no head coaching experience and was most recently a latte go-fer for the Suns GM. Earlier on, it was rumored that TNT hoops maven and... Read More
Say Hooray for the Hockey Dick!
One of the most notable events of this year’s NHL playoffs put the sports spotlight on a group of hockey players who have long labored in the shadows of hockey, largely unknown to sports fans with a less-than-serious interest in hockey. In game three of the first round series between the New York Rangers and New Jersey Devils, Rangers left winger Sean Avery several times stood facing Devils goalie Martin Brodeur, waving his arms and stick in... Read More
Befuddled Federer Swears Vendettas against Henry Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Michael Clayton, Liz Claiborne, Staffers of the Movie _Ghost_
Roger Federer says he’s coming after Henry Clay, Andrew Dice Clay, Michael Clayton, Liz Claiborne and 13 staffers from the movie Ghost. With a group of notary publics on-hand at his home in Dubai, Federer followed the rigid guidelines of Saudi law and officially swore out 17 separate vendettas. The respondents of the vendettas seem to have nothing ostensibly in common with each other, unless one considers the timing of Federer’s move.... Read More
Marks Eaton Doughnuts and That’s Where I Came In
Left: Michael Cooper gets posterized Mark Eaton style. While watching game one of the NBA finals Thursday night, I noted to myself the decided lack of the old school big man. I’m not talking about the sleek power forward-cum big man type who can actually lead a fast break, the Kevin Garnetts of the NBA. I’m talking about the 7 footers too tall too jump, run, or generally have long and healthy basketball careers. I’m talking about the Rik... Read More
The Renaissance Man
Question? Which pro player has scored a safety, caught a touchdown pass, recovered a fumble, returned a kickoff and punt, and run from scrimmage? Question? Who said, “My wife has this tradition of putting kernels of corn on everyone’s plate prior to eating . . . We have to pick them up and say something that we are grateful for”? Question? Which titan of catch said, “I can catch the Rock”? If you guessed Todd Christensen, you... Read More
Gentleman Play-Caller
Jim McKay died today at 86. McKay is best known for his two decades as the host of ABC’s Wide World of Sports. More important, to my mind, is his gentlemanly affectation. McKay typified a different generation of sports anchor that predates the total saturation of what Howard Cosell derided as the “jockocracy” in sports television and the new generation of wry, self-aware, nickname-assigning guys we get today. McKay’s gentlemanliness and... Read More
Watch your head, bitte
As Germany and Poland have been paired together in the same group for Euro 2008, two Polish newspapers, Fakt and Super Express, have run a headline of “Off with their heads” next to a doctored photo montage of Polish coach (actually a Dutch guy) Leo Beenhakker holding the decapitated heads of German star Michael Ballack and German coach Joachim Loew (actually German). The German Bundestag is apparently outraged and Leo Beenhakker has... Read More
Redbelt
David Mamet’s latest film, Redbelt, is perhaps the weirdest sports film I’ve ever seen. It has enough Mametian dialogue to be clearly his film, but there’s less of it here than in any of his other films, which for some will be a reason not to see it. Many critics have remarked that the film is rather generic, a sort of warmed-over Rocky (I think The Karate Kid is a better comparison, but the idea is the same). And it is, more... Read More
Hatemail.com
So I log onto my hotmail.com account to check up on the latest penis-enlargement ads and Borders coupon offers that have floated into my inbox, when I see an article featured called “Bad Apples: The Best Human Train Wrecks in Sports History.” The article, which is actually a Fox Sports article filtered through MSN, has the usual suspects: Canseco, Simpson, Rodman, etc. But it ends up with Tommy Morrison (or Tommy ‘The Machine”... Read More
Where is Gael Monfils??
Now I understand that this is ‘Merica and we don’t really give a shit about tennis. . . but where are all the stories about Gael Monfils? A young, Caribean-born, unranked Frenchman in the semi-finals of the French Open? I did find a story on him via a British news source but it is short and uninformative. It seems to me that the world wants him to fail. I want to know more about the guy who is going to beat Roger ‘Nazi Gold’... Read More
Why hockey is awesome
Last night’s game. Unlike some other sports, as players tire and play gets sloppy, hockey can actually be more fun to watch. Read More
Fight Pictures: A History of Boxing and Early Cinema
I just read Dan Streible’s new book, Fight Pictures. First of all, it provides a comprehensive discussion of boxing films from roughly 1890 to 1920 (the first book-length study on the topic). Second of all, it has an endorsement by Martin Scorsese on the back cover, which, to my knowledge, is pretty unusual for an academic book. Streible claims that to understand fight pictures’ place within film culture and American culture in general,... Read More
Human Error is Part of Baseball
We can all agree that some rules in baseball are quite subjective. Balls and strikes seem to depend more on who the umpire is than whether the pitch was in the correct “zone.” Often times runners are called safe when they are actually out creating the loved “bang-bang” play. People have come to accept these elements of the game so long as they are relatively consistent and not disruptive to the overall outcome…whatever,... Read More
Keepin’ it realer. . .
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMM5U1cAa0s&hl=en] Read More
Keepin’ it real. . .
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAMl4F49MXY&hl=en] Read More
Replaying Instant Replay
Like Travis, I don’t care all that much about instant replay, or steroids, or the sanctity of the game. But, I don’t think it will slow the game down, at least as long as they only use it for home runs, and especially if they implement a challenge system a la the NFL. After all, when there’s a close home run call, all the umps gather round and jibber jabber anyway, so using replay on home runs could actually speed the game up,... Read More
This is Kind of Weird
Though Obama does play basketball everyday, he is apparently a smoker. And I hear Hillary is a “flopper,” which means that she might have an advantage until the NBA institutes their no-floppy rules. Read More
Other Instant Replay Shenanigans
Chipper Jones wants the replay. And so does some umpire. Let the snooze-fest begin. Read More
MLB Instant Replay?
Apparently baseball is not slow enough. The MLB is flirting with the idea of adding instant replay—experimenting with the upcoming Arizona Fall League. According to a poll attached to the article, roughly 50% of readers would like replays “for all controversial calls” in baseball. Only 18% did not approve of any replays First, I’m a bit surprised that so many fans, considering all the purity myths surrounding baseball, would condescend to... Read More
