THE DWIGHT GOODEN POSTER

I like how this business with embattled former Oregon QB Jeremiah Masoli is somehow legal–finding a way to enroll him in one of three grad programs Oregon does not offer to make him eligible to play at another school (in this case, Ole Miss). But somehow texting recruits more than X number of times is a no-no.

I’m kind of eager to see what department/program he’ll wash up in.

I’ll admit it, we here at TDGP are literary types.  Ground Possum read Hawthorne’s complete works while serving a prison sentence, and me, well, let’s just say I’ve danced with the devil in the pale moonlight.  (Ok, that wasn’t a literary reference.  It was from Batman.  But I’ll bet you a Calupa–a steak chalupa–that it derives from some great literary text).

Anyhow, I thought I would post some work from one of our great modern poets and American treasures: J.J. Redick.  These are coming atcha from DEADSPIN, which is reposting them from Sports Illustrated, which apparently posted them in earnest.  Sports Illustrated is for old people and reformed criminals who no longer understand irony because they stopped taking drugs.

here are a couple of choice nugs.

As I decide to fulfill my life’s strategy
The devil insists on trying to battle me
I meet him in an empty field on the high plains
He throws temptations my way to inflict internal pain
Life and death matters, this ain’t no game
It’s mind over matter, the power of my brain

and:

Six days of work, but only one day of worship
Five ways I feel pain, but that’s only on the surface
Four corners of the earth, all touched by God’s churches
Three sisters have influenced my poetic verses

and I will leave you with this inspirational verse:

But no bandage would cover the wound
I couldn’t help but stare at the distant moon
Waiting for a resolution to come at an instant soon
I asked the Lord, “What am I to do?”
He said, “Son, I made the sky blue
The rain falls because of me
Leaves change colors on a fall tree
I was the inspiration to Martin Luther King
I’m the reason Ray Charles could sing
I’ve changed others through and through
And my son, I’ll do the same to you”

I don’t know about you folks, but this makes me want to do the opposite of everything he says.  Why do so many of these guys turn out to be such wangs?

So Minnesota GM Prez David Kahn was fined 50K for talking about how he doesn’t think recently acquired forward Michael Beasley is going to smoke weed anymore.  How is this a bad thing?  He didn’t accuse him of anything.  In fact, he complemented him in a way and indicated that Beasley was turning over a new leaf.  Sports leagues are so anal, man.

In other news, and I love this, former Cowboys and U coach Jimmy Johnson is going to appear as a contestant on Survivor.  This is great.  The dude loves the spotlight, or needs money, so much he’s willing to endorse dick pills (and what better name for a dick pill endorser than Jimmy Johnson, right?).  Now he’s going to be drawling all over some tropical wonderland with his shirt off.  But you know dude is wily.  I get he makes it to the top three.

I want to be Jimmy Johnson!  Um, er, except for the dick stuff.

Be good sports, ya’ll

Well, unskinnybop.  George “Da Boss” Steinbrenner just died.  This is not a very big deal to me.  Like most non-Yankees fans, I never had much of a sense of humor for Steinbrenner.  The way he threw around money and shifted the economic climate of the MLB—and pro sports in general, I would say—hasn’t necessarily been a positive thing.

Should we like someone who would pose for this photo? Nah.

I also thought he was a ruthless toolbag.  People sometimes say things like, “I don’t like the guy but I respect his desire to win…no matter what.”  I think that’s pretty shoddy logic.  Look at this guy’s history.  He cheated throughout his career—in baseball and outside of it.  He illegally contributed funds to (arguably) the most corrupt President in U.S. history when he gave all that cheese to Nixon pre-Watergate.  He hired somebody to dig up dirt on Dave Winfield.  C’mon, Winfield’s pretty cool.  He got busted for both of these things and served his suspensions.  In fact, he was “banned for life” for the Winfield thing, but was back after just three years.  And dig this, Ronald Reagan gave “Da Baws” a Presidential Pardon for the Nixon thing in 1989.  Dude had tons of money, would step on anyone who got in his way, and had the support of some of the richest, most powerful people in the world

Is this a guy we should like?

No.

Should we be sad this guy died?

No.  In fact, we probably should be happy.  He’s a symbol of callous greed.  No bullshit PR-driven charity work or celebrity cameos can mask the very obvious motives driving his ownership.

Despite Steinbrenner’s despicableness, I am kind of bummed that he died.  Baseball’s in a bad way, I fear.  While I’m a fan, it seems that baseball is getting less and less interesting each year.  The clamp-down on steroids has just sped things up.  Baseball purists would probably prefer to see a one-hitter to a game with 5 or 6 home runs.  But baseball purists make up about 5% of the MLB’s ever-dwindling fan base.  Baseball purists would also rather see a bunch of teams like the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays or the 2005 White Sox.  Most of us want to see big, easy, exciting stuff.  We want to watch Tony Scott’s TOP GUN, not Robert Bresson’s PICKPOCKET.  That’s where Steinbrenner’s value came in.  He gave baseball a recognizable, one-dimensional villain.  Every time the Yankees gobbled up a free agent despite the luxury taxes we expected him to be curling his mustache and dancing around after tying the rest of the AL East to the train tracks.  He was kind of cool in that regard.  You knew who he was, you knew he was a total asshole, and you knew that he didn’t care that you knew.

Steinbrenner, I guess was a cartoon in a league that is becoming all too human.  I prefer watching cartoons to paint drying.

As a sidenote, Ken Griffey Jr. said he would never play for the Yankees because of Steinbrenner.  Gotta love the Griff.

Griffey Wouldn't Be Bossed. The Youngest in Charge

So Jamarcus Russell was arrested for possession of Codeine syrup.  Is this even illegal?  I’m willing to bet that I generally have something on my person that is at least as dangerous as what he had.  Mechanical pencils that can be used to stab fools in the temple.  A laptop with which I can e-mail mean and nasty things.  Cookies that have preservatives in them that might kill me someday.  Codeine syrup.  Ok, Russell might have been trying to make some purple drank, but who cares?  He wasn’t fucked up on it?  Can I get picked up for buying Ajax and carpet?   If so, consider me at large, daddy.

Fuck Sunny D, I Want the Purple Stuff

There are two problems, one that I attribute to the law/media and one I attribute to Russell.  First, this should not be a big deal.  I don’t even see how this is illegal.  Plus, Russell’s a mess.  This could totally sink the poor former backup quarterback on my fantasy football team. He’s already totally Leafed it in the NFL, give the dude a break.

Second, Russell has lots of cheese.  He should do legit drugs.

As a final note, the media coverage of this story makes me want to try this purple drank concoction.  I’m easily influenced, I guess.  Gimme that purp!