THE DWIGHT GOODEN POSTER

a sports blog full of virtual ozzie smith backflips and the like

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Tippecanoe and Tyler too

March 9th, 2010 · Doc Hollywood

genius in arrested motion

Ground Possum’s favorite former NBA player apparently is now playing for the love of money to pay off a massive debt(?)

Also, for posterity:

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Fantasy Fishing Week 2: Duel in the Delta

March 9th, 2010 · Seamus McGee

The second tournament of ESPN’s fantasy fishing season, Stockton, CA’s Duel in the Delta, starts Thursday, and I’ll be damned if I haven’t put together the best team:

1. Kevin VanDam. Duh, but it’s interesting that he’s only at 70% ownership. The other 30% are either psycho genius bass fishing experts or not entering a roster at all.

2. Aaron Martens. Everybody on the site has either this guy or Skeet Reese as the other Bucket A guy, and I refuse to play a guy named Skeet.

3. Tommy Biffle. Fred LaLande tells me he’s great in situations with a lot of shoreline cover, and Tommy Sanders calls him “the lazy man’s way” because of his exceptional skill in shallow-water situations. I don’t know who any of these people are, but Biffle’s from Oklahoma, and I was born and raised in Oklahoma, so he’s on the team.

4. Dean Rojas. I think I’ve heard of this guy. Kyle Carter says he’s consistent, which is, of course, crucial in the California delta.

5. James Niggemeyer. I’ll play anybody whose name makes me do a double take.

There you go. Wish me luck!

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How Will Media Respond to Big Ben’s Latest?

March 8th, 2010 · Ground Possum

I am not sure what to make of the latest reports of Big Ben Roethlisberger’s off-the-field activities.  There is not much information upon which to base any conclusions, really.  Certainly he seems to make some questionable decisions for so high-profile a public figure; but past that, I think the case is too preliminary.  But, not so for many online respondees, apparently.  There are matching  ground-swells of support for and admonition of Big Ben by fans on sites like deadspin and cbssports.

There are cries that the woman-accuser has dollar signs in her eyes and that Big Ben is a pig.  It is really interesting how people weigh in with such absolute conviction despite the fact that no real facts of the case have been released (unless you consider that the accusation  or Ben’s denial is true, in which case the main fact of the case has been released.)

This image is not, unfortuantely, the dominant one in most peoples' minds these days.

The question for me is how the media will treat this story.  Granted, Big Ben is not as big as Tiger was/is, but one wonders if Roethlisberger will face the same kind of scrutiny as the golfer.  Or, will the media align this one more with the Kobe incident?  I just wonder how the media will frame this sandal relative to others.  I suppose that Kobe’s incident is more aligned with Big Ben’s, since Tiger committed no civil crime, it seems, but it should be interesting to see how it all plays out.

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Back to Bad Habits for Lakers, Kobe

March 8th, 2010 · Doc Hollywood

Tonight, Kobe Bryant scored 34 points in a two-point loss to Orlando.  He was 12-30 from the field.  The game was a microcosm of where the Lakers are this season: if Kobe shoots a ton and makes his shots, L.A. wins.  When he shoots like he did tonight, they lose.   Indeed, in games where Kobe shoots 24+ shots, the Lakers are only 12-10.  In all other games, they are 34-8 (and 4-1 w/o Kobe).

"WHEN I SHOOT THIS MANY TIMES, WE'RE AVERAGE!"

Granted, Kobe has won some games at the buzzer, and like I say, when he hits his many shots, he can carry the team.  In fact, when Kobe gets 40+, the Lakers are 7-1, and he shot no fewer than 26 shots in each of those 40 point efforts.  That also means, though,  that when Kobe shoots 24 or more times and doesn’t get to 40, the Lakers are 5-9.

In tonight’s game, the Lakers were down at the end of the game; in their last three possessions, the Lakers ran three iso plays for Kobe.  He hit a three, hit a two (toe on the line) and missed a potential game tying jumper.  Most would not have made the three — a defender was all over Kobe– and few could come back and hit the other deuce.  Still, though, basically the end of the game was all about Lakers players getting out of the way and watching Kobe play for them.  That is not a great formula for building a cohesive team or for building late-game confidence for any players not named Kobe.

Even in press photos, Gasol and Bynum cannot wrest the ball from Kobe.

It is this flaw that will lead my prediction about the Lakers to come true: they will not repeat as champs.

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Living With Hoop Dreams

March 3rd, 2010 · T-Willikers

I screened Hoop Dreams last night to a group of about 30 students.  I was pretty excited to show the film, as it has been one of my favorites since I first saw it when I was 12 or 13.  At that time, basketball was, by leaps and bounds, my favorite sport.  It was never the sport I was best at, but I liked somehow being involved in every play and the constant movement.  Baseball bored the shit out of me during the moments when I wasn’t involved in a play, and football also had a lot of down time.  In hoops, at the very least, I got to run around for the entire game.  Anyhow, what most struck me about the film back then was 1) how good Arthur and William were at basketball and 2) how driven they were to succeed despite so many barriers standing in their way.  I think this is the reading that the film wants viewers to have.  Overall, it’s inspirational with a slight nod toward the Reagan-era social inequities that beat the shit out of urban African American communities across the country.  It doesn’t ask us to ignore these factors—in many cases it gestures directly toward them—but it seems to want us to believe that the human spirit can overcome these kinds of obstacles.  I actually remember thinking after watching the film that if Arthur and William can get scholarships with all those cards stacked against them, then it should be easy for someone like me to get a scholarship if I just work really, really hard.  Alas, Marquette never called (apparently they weren’t interested in a 6-foot-tall small forward who liked to try to get rebounds).  Although I did eventually end up at Indiana University—but cannot afford tickets to the basketball games except for the ones over winter break.  Oh yeah, the human spirit doesn’t exist.  Word is bond, cousin.

My reading of the film took a turn toward the grim as I got older.  I realized, despite the film’s lack of explicit explanation, that the Hoop Dream is a totally screwed up fantasy that messes up way more lives than it ever helps.  I also realized that the pressure for young black men to excel at sports is ridiculously and unreasonably high to the point where if you are a black male who appears athletic and is not developmentally disabled and you DON’T want play sports you are seen as a total freak. I also realized that despite the Civil Rights movement, Affirmative Action, and the slowly increasing prevalence of non-white people in positions of power, the U.S. is probably as racist as it has ever been. I realize that this is not a particularly ingenious reading, but still, I had to be at least in high school to make it. Moment in the film that drives this all home for me: Dick-wad Coach Pingatore’s commentary on Arthur Agee when he is recruiting him: “I can see the playground in him.”  Pingatore really nails this home when he fails to help Arthur find funding to cover  the remaining costs of his tuition to St. Joseph’s after he fails to perform as expected on the court. As Luther Bedford, the coach of Marshall High—the inner-city school where Marshall ends up after being booted from St. Joe’s—says:  “If he [Arthur] was going out there and he was playing like they had predicted him to play, he wouldn’t be at Marshall. Economics wouldn’t have had anything to do with him not being at St. Joe’s. Somebody would have made some kind of arrangement and the kid would still be there. He’s not making it like they thought he was going to make it on the basketball court, so he’s not there—simple as that. And it doesn’t take no brilliant person to figure that out.” To put it simply, even when these programs are celebrating William and Arthur, they’re shitting on them, or just deferring the act of shitting on them until their usefulness expires.  While the film does hint at this, it would be nice if it was a bit more direct, because…..

I feel like the folks I watched this with read it as an uplifting story.  I get the impression that, after watching what I think is a story that makes Breaking Bad and A Serious Man seem hopeful, they think “wow, basketball really does provide a way out.”  I got the impression that these folks, many of whom are actually from the same Chicago suburbs that raid the inner-cities for basketball talent and use it up until the well dries, think that Hoop Dreams illustrates America’s greatness.  But this is how those types of schools—the schools that filter students into universities filled with people just like them—seem to teach students how to consume these stories.  You can read Hoop Dreams as a pat on the back or a slap in the face. I guess the choice is pretty easy for the folks who this film is, at least implicitly, attacking.  This sad fact was more depressing than this grim movie.  Why didn’t Herzog do the voiceover: “The implacable silence of the filth-ridden urban concrete is reminiscent of the ancient Kraken beckoning the void.”  Sounds cooler with a German accent and a big dose of self-indulgence.

FYI: Coach Pingatore is still coaching at St. Joe’s and he still seems to be a prick.  Another fast-fact is that Ohio State star Evan Turner went to St. Joe’s and played for Pingatore.

A couple of things struck me about this film after seeing it for the umpteenth fucking time is that it’s final third is flabbier than Night Moves’ Employee of the Month.  I was again surprised at how much this show drags once William and Arthur hit senior year.  The irony of all this is that the only Oscar Hoop Dreams was nominated for was “Best Editing” (it didn’t win).  I guess it should come as no surprise that the same organization that celebrates Maggie Gyllenhaal’s abysmal performance in Crazy Heart would think that a 3-hour documentary with more loose thread that one of those hip scarves that the Jonas Brothers wear would be well-edited. Get some scissors muthafuckahs!

Another depressing moment in the film that I forgot:  One of the greatest moments in the film is when Arthur’s mom Sheila Agee graduates from a Nurse’s Assistant’s program—first in her class.  This is pretty significant: she has a bunch of kids, is living below poverty-level, has a violent drug head husband and still manages to pass this certification.  Lo and behold, only 5 or so people are in the audience at her graduation.  Where’s the noose?  Amiright?

Another bleak moment: Watching Pingatore’s main assistant coach (I can’t remember his name) mimic everything that his daddy-boss does.  Pingatore says “confidence,” little assistant-bitch says confidence.  Pingatore demeans players, little assistant-bitch demeans players.  I don’t know why, but every time this jerk-stain entered the frame, I wanted to eat a cyanide pill and call it a life.  I think it was a reminder—in an even sharper way that Pingatore’s character—that the people who have power over you are often dumb as shit.

Cool moment I didn’t remember that well: How great Marshall coach Luther Bedford is from start to finish.  He’s easy-going, honest, and doesn’t take any shit.  You get the impression that he is one of the few people in the film (aside from the family members) who legitimately care about the players.

Other cool moment: Arthur has to take summer school pretty much every year.  One year, he takes an English class with a real poindexter of a teacher.  The scene shows the teacher trying to engage students with a “spirited discussion” about a “controversial topic.”  The teacher almost had to yell to be heard about the class.  He then asks if “you have to have sex on the first date” to which Arthur, without hesitation, hollers “Yes!”  Nerd-teacher then argues that casual sex is an ultimately unfulfilling way to try to reach an emotional connection with someone. The students laugh at him.  Nerd teacher even had a pocket protector.  Now, any great documentary is built partly on luck.  You are filming something and things happen that make it more than just another story—you just happed to be there when this important stuff goes down.  Serendipity and all that.  Running into nerd-teacher-posing-as-provocateur was a solid gold find for the good folks making Hoop Dreams.

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Lost Some Respect for Simmons After This

March 3rd, 2010 · T-Willikers

It’s silly that he would even make the comparison.  I can see how adversity figures into both of these situations, but that’s about it.

C’mon, Senor Bonitude

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Olympic Withdrawals

March 2nd, 2010 · Ground Possum

I’m back from my justified suspension (apologies, readers) and I find that, despite my snafu on reporting the women’s short program, I want nothing more than to write on tonight’s Olympic events… but there are none.  Alas, the Games are over.  And there is a hole in my heart.

The only thing I can do is to share my lasting impressions of the Vancouver Olympics as a way to try to heal the wound that NBC has dealt me by not mandating the games go on.  Therefore, I present you the top three images (about which I have not already commented) that resound for me from these Winter Olympics:

3)  Apolo Anton Ohno.  Enough already.  I get that he’s good (not as good as the Koreans) but for the love of all that’s holy, enough.  Yes, he’s the most decorated athlete in US Winter Olympic history, but really, has anyone ever seen short-track skating except during the Olympics?  Is he that big a deal?  I love watching the sport, mind you, but probably only because I get to see it only once every four years.  Also, can someone tell me what the hell that thing is on Ohno’s face?  It’s not a soul patch– it’s a soul field.  And what about his Rock of Love bandanna?  Take off the headkerchief, dammit.  I root for you out of patriotism, but I secretly liked when you got DQed in the your final solo event.

You know what?  Put the bandanna back on.

You know what? You can put the bandanna back on.

2)  Cross Country Skiing, Classic Style.  The straight-in-line, regimented style of skiing was awesome.  None of that push your left leg out awkwardly, pull with the ski poles, looking like you’ve got one leg longer than the other freestyle business.  No, there is something elegant about the classic style, and it certainly made the sprints to the finish some kind of awesome.

Classic.

1)  Bewilderment on the face of US curling skip John Shuster.  His lack of clutch performativity has been widely documented, as he failed to close three of the first four matches in the Olympics and struggled throughout.  According to reports, uproar was such that Shuster’s Wikipedia entry was hacked to reflect that he was one of the greatest choke artists of all-time.  I watched nearly every stone of US play (thanks to late-night CNBC repeats) and I cannot argue much with the assessment of Shuster’s choking.  He was way off his game, and there was something about the look on his face each time he did not pull off a shot that was both sad and compelling.

It's like his arms got heavier and heavier. Got to feel for the man.

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Olympics Wrap up: F U NBC

March 2nd, 2010 · Doc Hollywood

Suck it, Americans! I personify excellence. The only athlete that can come close is Federer and he is powered by a secret stash of Nazi gold.

Fuck NBC’s over narrativized athletes. Vonn was cool, but had that boring tiff with what’s her face. White was cool, but all his teammates hate his selfish “EXTREME” ass (almost as much as they hate their own “EXTREME” asses). Lysacek was fine, but those snakes scared me and he didn’t do a quad. Rochette was heartwarming, but Yu-Na just crushed her. USA-Canada hockey was fine, but all those people that almost cared about hockey have already forgotten about it.

So, although all of your stories were somewhat great, Marit Bjoergen blew your shit out of the water. Sure, NBC focused on what “sold” (except curling, which they shamelessly banished to MSNBC or some other -NBC), but in doing so they stonewalled Bjoergen. Also, they shamelessly cut away from the closing ceremonies to bring us another shitty quasi-reality show about shit that happens to shitty people that are dumb enough to display their shitty lives on shitty network TV.

All-in-all, great Olympics!

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NFL player release rhetoric

March 2nd, 2010 · Doc Hollywood

Apparently the Jets are going to release Thomas Jones. About this fact, I care little. What bothers me is the rhetoric of parting that happens when any team has exhausted their workhorse. . . when they have played their hand as far as they want to play it without buying back in. On the matter, “50 wings at a time, keep ‘em coming” had to say:

“When I got here, Thomas immediately became one of my guys,” Ryan said in a statement. “He had one of his best years last season, might have been his best. I have a tremendous amount of respect for him as a player and a person. This is one of the tough decisions we had to make for our organization.”

Tough like, “Fuck you, this is a business.” Or “Oh, you love football? Eat our dick, this is a business.” Or “You may have a year or two left? Fuck you, this is a business.” Or “This isn’t tough at all. Thanks for being our vampire blood bank bitch, fuck you.”

Football isn’t a sport, football is a business that eats its parts alive because it always has new parts to replace the old parts. Only a few make it really big, most end in a misery of fucked up knees and brains (T Jones is luckier than most).

This is my ode to offseason football. In the summer I will get geared up to draft some dude to maybe do this or that in my fantasy football season and all will be well again. And Rex Ryan will still be fat.

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Respect: Alford

March 2nd, 2010 · T-Willikers

University of New Mexico’s men’s basketball team is having a banner year.  Much of this success is due to former IU star Steve Alford.  Like most of us, I thought this guy was just another wangbangerson.  But if you can put a solid program together at a school like UMN, you’re doing pretty decent.   We’ll need another year or so until we can call him good.

Alford gave my increasing confidence in him a mega-boost yesterday after his Loco Lobos beat the 14th-ranked BYU Cougars.   After the hard-fought game, Alford shared a heated exchange with douchie-looking BYU forward Jonathan Tavernari.  Alford and Tavernari were jawing after the post-game handshake, and Indiana Steve called him an “asshole.” While I would have preferred a more vulgar option, I have to say that I enjoyed the fact that Alford was talking shit to the opposing team’s players–especially when that opposing team is BYU.  Alford has since been reprimanded by the Mountain West Conference and had apologized.  But you know playa doesn’t mean it.

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