THE DWIGHT GOODEN POSTER

First, for the uninitiated, I would like to point out the delicious reference to the Apple Dumpling Gang and their re-riding.  Past that, I would like also to point out that Brett Favre’s release today from the NY Jets opens the way for one of my previous predictions to come true– he will be back this season.  Watch for news from Minneapolis.

Conway and Knotts: American Heroes

But, on to the present, which is to say, the future… Here come more sports-related predictions that have come to me in a series of dreams entitled “The Future II: This Time, It’s Personal.”

1)  The upcoming Caps-Pens series will not bring any new viewers to the game of hockey.

Despite the NHL’s masturbatory pleasure at seeing its two biggest stars, Ovechkin and Crosby, face off in a second-round playoff series, there will be no discernible bump in viewer-ship or interest in hockey from traditionally non-hockey fans.  Perhaps the series will bring more sportswriters to the rink, but no people who were not already inclined to see hockey as a sport will migrate to the game to see this match-up.   Hockey is the ultimate team sport, where even if one player “takes over,” that dominance is visible only to an already initiated viewer and where said dominance is not flashy or individualistic enough to satisfy the American lust for in-your-face-atory lack of sportsmanship.  Nice try, hockey, but no one cares.  We’ll be watching Lebron travel his way to greatness.

This guy, apparently, is good at ice skating.

2)  The new Lions logo will not intimidate Detroit opponents.

While I applaud the move to enact some kind of change to a franchise that just went 0-16 (brilliant!), I cannot think that the new logo and jerseys in Motown will affect any real change.

Check the fierceness of the added lines in this lion. Booyah!

On a related topic, neither will Matt Stafford help the Lions anytime soon.  Though he might, with some time, have developed into a decent QB, which in Detroit would be an excellent QB, he will not be afforded the proper time to develop his skills and will suffer the fate of Andre Ware and Akili Smith.    Being (unfortunately) a Tennessee Vols fan, I was able to see a lot of Stafford in the SEC, and though he has a big arm, he makes a LOT of bad decisions.  That, added to a team that literally could not have been any worse last year, spells a tough go for the young Bulldog.  Enjoy your riches, Matt– you will not earn them.

3)  Al Davis will continue to de-value the Raiders franchise.

Sure, this is a gimme.  Everyone’s got this one.  But, it still bears notice.  I mean, could this guy be any awesomer?  He goes straight Willie Gault in the first round and takes a speed-burning, otherwise-vanilla receiver from Maryland in the first round, and addresses few of his teams’ weaknesses with the other picks in the draft.  He is falling back into those 1970s ideals about ‘vertical passing game’ and such– never mind that the only time in recent memory that the Raiders did well was with the ultimate dink-and-dunk short passing game of Rich Gannon and crew.  Never mind that he needs a QB to take advantage of a speedy receiver.  Davis is some sort of god– how does he keep finding stooges to work under him?  What does he put in that kool-aid?  Kudos, Al: you’re raising the bar for all of us.  BTW, sources say Davis has been in contact with Jay Schroeder, so watch out, league.

Here, Skeletor - er - Davis asks the cameraman if he wants to start at left guard next season.

4) Finally, the WNBA will fail after this summer’s season.

The economic problems, added to the relative un-popularity of the WNBA, will sound the death knell for the still-fledgling league.  No one is going to pay any real money to see the Shock play the Sol.  It’s just reality.  While I am not one to call women’s basketball a non-sport, I am one to say that it simply does not have the drawing power to sustain a league.  Add it is boring.  Let’s be real about this.  No disrespect ladies– well, except for that butt-ton of disrespect I just dropped.

WNBA star? Becky Hammon. Wait, why is she wearing a Russian uni? When did they join the league?