THE DWIGHT GOODEN POSTER

The T speaketh:

Ken Griffey Jr.’s return to Seattle
Ok, this is a largely symbolic move. Griffey’s certainly not what he once was. But he made some decent contributions and gave a much needed shot of life to a team that is continually on the downswing. I saw him play this summer when I was in Seattle and realized that I had seen him play there in three different decades. I’d be fucking thrilled to be able to say I saw him play in four of them. Plus, I think that Kid (ok, oldish man) might have a shot to get some hardware next year with the M’s addition of Cliff Lee and Chone Figgins to the lineup. If these two don’t start to such like most folks do as soon as they sign to the M’s we might see the seafarers make a run for the AL West title?

Oden Getting Hurt…again
While I always wanted the Blazers to get Durant, I supported their selection of Oden. A reliable center is hard to come by to say the least. Oden has proven that role thrice now by being Dr. Brittle Bones. Man, I feel for the guy but he’s screwing up my team. Now, I don’t expect the Blazers to win a title when they have to go up against the likes of the Lakers, Suns, and Spurs, but we could have at least flirted with round two had Oden not bit it again. It’s not your fault Oden, I just love Durant better. I don’t want to speak in hypotheticals here but think about how good the Blazers would be with both B. Roy and Durant.

Tiger, Everything and Nothing
I don’t care about Tiger one way or another and I could give two shits about golf. But you can’t avoid the hullabaloo. On one end you have Bill Simmons claiming that Tiger’s scandal is the biggest sports story of the decade. On the other you have Phil Knight calling the scandal a “minor blip” in Woods’ career and asserting that Nike is fully committed to continuing its relationship with its biggest star. I think I agree with them both. Tiger will eventually be “forgiven.” He didn’t kill anyone, rape anyone, or even use drugs. He just got laid and I think people will get over that. But he is the Jordan of his generation. Jordan likely did things that were just as bad if not worse while he was at the top. But he was either smarter about it or was truly untouchable. Does Tiger’s snafu evidence a significant shift in sports celebrity culture or does it just point out what we all already knew: that there is absolutely no division between sports culture and entertainment culture.

BCS Crap
How many undefeated teams do we need to have at the end of each college season until these wangs realize that we need to have some kind of playoff system? Good gravy! Fuck Cold Medina! Un-skinny-bop! Boy, I’m steamed. I understand that bowl games are big money-getters for the teams involved and I don’t think they need to be eliminated. You can even name the playoff games and give them sponsors. But this system is just continuing to make sure that it is not necessarily the best team that wins the national title, but the best team that plays in the right division. Chances are the best team is going to be from a division like the SEC or the Big 10 but wouldn’t it be nice to find out for sure?

Fantasy Football
Though I flirted with success for the first 6 weeks of our season, I proceeded to lose eight straight and miss the playoffs by quite a lot. The curse persists. I plan to win the league next year. When I do, I will concoct the most offensive victory dance ever witnessed by human eyes. The devil shall weep.

Tebow Leaving
2010 will be even sweeter along these lines, but it was nice to know this year that I will no longer have to listen to commentators stroke Tebow throughout entire games, nor will I have to look at this guy’s bible scripture eye black. Even if he enjoys some success in the NFL—which he won’t—he at least won’t be the center of attention.

Jayson Werth’s Chin-Strip
Time marches on and Werth persists in getting sleazier and sleazier. In fact, the reason the Phils got rid of Pat Burrell is because they were exceeding their sleaze-cap (an old rule that’s been around since the ‘80s mustache craze….it actually saved Wade Boggs’ life. True story. He and Keith Hernandez were almost on the same team. The league decided that no holes would be safe if they combined their powers and passed the sleaze-cap).

ESPN’s 30 For 30
Though I’ve been pretty disappointed by a couple of these (“The Legend of Jimmy the Greek” and “Without Bias” in particular), the majority of these films have been pretty compelling. ESPN has the cheese to get the right people involved and to let them do what they want. But I think the best part about this series is getting to see a bunch of archived ESPN footage that’s been trapped locked away in the video vault for a couple of decades. Though the series is mildly annoying in ESPN’s incessant self-congratulating, I’m pretty much hooked on it.

Tyson
Anyone who knows something about film will likely say that form dictates content. James Toback’s Tyson turns this on its head. I’ve never seen a film simultaneously marked by piss-poor construction and stellar content. You just can’t screw Tyson up. Put a camera in front of him and let ‘er rip. Seriously, the introspective shots of Tyson on the beach staring into the expanse (yes, they’re in there) are totally redeemed by Tyson telling sad, crazy, and tender tales about his past.

Kobe Doin Work
Hey, it’s a commercial for Kobe disguised as a film by an auteur. I found this entire production to be ridiculous, in the most pleasurable way possible. From Kobe’s ultra-positive and utterly unconvincing voice-overs to the shots of his daughters holding “Daddy for MVP” signs this attempts to perpetuate all the worst myths about reality TV and documentary. The Hills is more believable than this film.